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Move Over Yeezus And Make Room For Lily Allen’s “Sheezus”

Move Over Yeezus And Make Room For Lily Allen's “Sheezus”
Move Over Yeezus!

Having just released the video for her latest song, “Sheezus” — which just happens to be the title track off her third album, out May 5 — Lily Allen’s eyeing the diva crown and no one, not Rihanna, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga or Lorde, better get in this bitch’s way. (Her words, not ours.)

In fact, if you take a listen to the track’s lyrics, you’d think the “Smile” singer was inviting half the female artists on the Billboards Top 100 to fight her in a Battle Royale, especially when the chorus goes a little something like this: Keep reading »

So … This Is Avril Lavigne’s New Music Video

Avril Lavigne Hello Kitty Music Video
Oh no. No. No no no no.

Here is the recipe for Avril Lavigne’s music video for her new single, “Hello Kitty”:

  • 10 heaping scoops of Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku appropriation phase
  • 3 cups Skrillex hair
  • 2 cups assorted Skrillex noises (OK to sub generic brand “Scrillecks” here)
  • 1.5 cups “Wait, isn’t Avril Lavigne my age? Why is this making me feel so old? Why is this song so loud? Why is she still singing about slumber parties?”
  • 5 tablespoons PROBLEMATIC
  • 2 tablespoons of that time you had a Skittles-eating contest with your brother and vomited rainbow-colored bile.
  • A pinch of the most awkward sushi restaurant scene since you saw a white guy bow to the chef at a conveyer belt sushi restaurant in a suburban strip mall in Utah.
  • Crumble “SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WTF” over the top and bake until crisp.

Yeeeepppp, that just about sums it up. Avril, you know I always want to have your back, but not this time. I’m going to go take two aspirin and lie down for awhile.

Watch This: A Hilarious (And Painfully Accurate) Parody Of Dove’s “Real Beauty” Ads

Dove Real Beauty Parody Ad
"Wow, You Must Hate What You See In The Mirror."

Dove has had a few moments of brilliance over the course of its decade-long Real Beauty campaigns — I genuinely enjoyed the “sketches” ad last year, for example — but the entire premise of a company that sells anti-cellulite cream trying to teach women to love themselves exactly as they are has always been problematic. Whether you think Dove’s Real Beauty messages are malicious, annoying, or inspiring, I think we can all agree the over-the-top ads are ripe for satire. Enter this hilarious parody of a Real Beauty ad, that asks a group of women to confront their reflection in the mirror … in the form of a man in a gorilla suit. It’s pretty absurd, but is it any more ridiculous than the cringe-worthy “beauty patch” ad Dove released 4 realz earlier this month? [Feministing]

Conspiracy Theorists Think The Rapper Pitbull Predicted The Malaysian Airlines Crash/Disappearance 2 Years Ago

Conspiracy Theorists Think The Rapper Pitbull Predicted The Malaysian Airlines Crash/Disappearance 2 Years Ago
"Two passports, three cities, two countries, one day."

Welp, now I’ve heard everything. A few conspiracy theorists have decided that the rapper Pitbull predicted the Malaysian Airlines plane crash/disappearance two years ago in his song “Get It Started” (above). These folks with too much time on their hands — i.e. YouTube commenters — say the lyrics to the song makes references to certain aspects of the plane’s mysterious disappearance. Specifically, “No Ali, No Frasier, but for now off to Malaysia” and “Two passports, three cities, two countries, one day.” According to the UK’s Daily Mirror:

Viewers on YouTube are convinced the two passports is a reference to the stolen Austrian and Italian passports used by two Iranians to board MH370. They also believe the three cities refer to the capital cities of Malaysia, China and Vietnam and the two countries are Malaysia and Vietnam. Furthermore, they assert the lyrics “No Ali, No Frasier, but for now off to Malaysia” are a reference to Mr Ali, the man who bought tickets for the two Iranians to travel on board MH370.

Keep reading »

How To Tell If You Have ADHD

How To Tell If You Have ADHD
Seriously, So Accurate!

When people find out I take Adderall for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), they often want to know what that feels like. What makes my brain different from theirs? I have a really hard time answering that question, because A) I have no idea what goes on in their brain and how it compares to what goes on in mine and B) it’s really, really hard to explain. That’s why I’m so in love with this video by filmmaker Ryan Higa, explaining just some of the ways ADHD manifests itself in his life. Even though I know I have ADHD, I was shocked to discover just how many of these behaviors — like, 98 percent of them — are similar to my own, including things I never even realized were my ADHD at work. So THAT’s why I can memorize a phone number easily but then instantly forget it the second I start dialing! From now on, whenever anyone asks what ADHD feels like I’m sending them this video. [Laughing Squid]

Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Statement On Race, Gender, Genetics & Science Is Yet Another Reason We Love Him

Neil deGrasse Tyson On Race
Neil Nails It
Soapbox: Girls & STEM
girls in science
Here's how to get more girls interested in STEM fields... Read More »

I didn’t think it was possible for me to love Neil deGrasse Tyson more than I already do, but then the “Cosmos”‘ host went dropped some real talk in a discussion about whether genetics — specifically difference between the sexes — is to blame for there being so few women in STEM fields. “I’ve never been female. But I have been black my whole life,” he begins, before drawing parallels between the ways societal forces have long created barriers based on race and gender that have prevented equal opportunity. This is just perfect. [The Mary Sue]

West Coast Represent! Brian Williams Raps Snoop’s “Gin And Juice”

West Coast Represent! Brian Williams Raps Snoop's "Gin And Juice"
"Laaaaaaaid back..."

MC BriWi, I mean, newsman Brian Williams dropped his sixth rap on “The Tonight Show” last night, adding Snoop’s “Gin and Juice” to his growing catalogue of ’90s hip-hop covers. That is, Jimmy Fallon’s wolf-eared editors pieced together bits of Williams’ newscasts into yet another flawless mashup. G’s up, hoes down, while you motherfuckers bounce to this! [HyperVocal]

It’s Time To Cry: Things Moms Want Their Daughters To Know

it's time to cry
advice from moms
Listen While Your Mother Is Talking To You

Mother’s Day is still three weeks away, but the Internet is already getting started with weepy videos about our moms. And Buzzfeed’s video, “Things Moms Want Their Daughters To Know,” is up there on the weep-ster scale. From body confidence, fear of failure, and filling your life with love, the tips these mothers and soon-to-be-mothers will prick your eyes with daughterly tears. If only my own mother had participated, she could have taught everyone how to remember the proper way to set a table! (Fork on the left because both words have four letters, knife and spoon on the right because all the words have five letters. Huzzah!) [YouTube]

“Broad City”‘s Ilana Glazer Celebrated 420 With This Weird Video Tribute To Love, Sexiness & Bubble Wrap

"Broad City"'s Ilana Glazer Celebrated 4/20 With This Weird Video Tribute To Love, Sexiness & Bubble Wrap
Watch "Sex: A Journey Of Love"!

God, my love for Ilana Glazer of “Broad City” knows no bounds. The show’s resident pothead celebrated 420 yesterday with a very special episode of her web series, Chronic Gamer Girl (in which she usually plays videogames stoned),  entitled “Sex: A Journey Of Love.” Her cute pup Lincoln makes an appearance, there’s some rolling around in bubble wrap, and Ilana delivers an inspiring speech imploring the viewer to recognize their sexiness. It makes no sense (unless you’re high, duh). [NYMag.com]

When Did Peggy Olson Become “Mad Men”‘s Resident A-Hole?

When Did Peggy Olson Become "Mad Men"'s Resident A-Hole?
Seriously Peggy, STFU!

Sigh. Well, I suppose in some ways, it was bound to happen. At the end of “Mad Men”‘s last season, Peggy Olson took a seat in Don Draper’s recently vacated chair (him having been given a leave of absence), gazing upon her new office in a pose that recalled his from season one. The implication was that Peggy was the new Don, but it wasn’t until last night’s episode that we realized just how much Peggy had come to resemble her mentor, i.e. a miserable asshole. In the episode, Peggy’s assistant Shirley receives flowers from her fiance on Valentine’s Day, which Peggy assumes are for her. Peggy stomps around and flounces like a petulant child the entire episode, alternating between “generously” offering the flowers to Shirley (not realizing they were hers in the first place) and then demanding she throw them away. When Joyce finally tells her that the flowers were never hers, Peggy’s  behavior only worsened, resulting in Shirley’s transfer to another desk. (In the same episode, another Black female assistant, Dawn, also had her job impacted by a white partner’s temper tantrum.) Some might say this was really out of character for Peggy, but I think we were just given a glimpse of Peggy at her worst, having achieved all that she thought she wanted but happiness. Hopefully, because Peggy isn’t as fucked up as Don, this will be a wakeup call rather than a foreshadowing of more to come. Check out a clip above!

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