Be My Boyfriend: Vegetable Musician
Dear Vegetable Musician,
Hello. Nice to meet you. I don’t know your name, but I came across this video of you playing your celery nose flute and developed an instantaneous crush. Some people think celery is a boring vegetable. You’ve proved them wrong! Celery has so much untapped potential (it goes great with peanut butter or hummus!) and the fact that you understand that, speaks to your character and creativity. Not to mention your musical talent. Vegetable Musician, I stalked you on YouTube and discovered that you also play the cucumber trumpet, the carrot pan-flute, the broccoli ocarina, the red pepper panpipe, the sweet potato slide whistle and many, many more. OMG. Seriously! You are a one-man vegetable band! A musical fruituoso! Now all you need is a singer.
That’s where I come in! I would be honored to accompany you vocally while you play your vegetable music. Not to toot my own cannelloni whistle here, but I’m a classically trained vocalist and I think I can really help out your sound — that celery nose flute is awfully high pitched. I think an alto vocal would really round out the vibe. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I think we could make beautiful music together.
Pull that celery stalk out of your nose and drop me a line, baby.