Reminder: Every Monday, I livetweet a new, exhaustingly long episode of “The Bachelor” on my personal Twitter (@xoamelia), giving a detailed, hilarious, wine-and-weed-influenced critique of “Prince Farming” (oh go fuck yourself with that nickname, Chris Harrison) and his search for a woman willing to move to
a post-apocalyptic hell tundra Iowa. And then every Tuesday, I recap the episode with some form of an infographic, because three hours actually forming sentences to describe my feelings about this shitshow is enough for all of us.
On last night’s episode of “The Bachelor” — which was crashed by Jimmy Kimmel — so much happened (read: nothing really happened), I decided to break things down by the numbers. Speaking of numbers, show of hands for everyone who heard Amber say, “I don’t want something warm and salty in my mouth” and immediately thought, Is she talking about goat milk or semen?” <RAISES HAND> Also, this episode needed way more Ashley S. Thank god she got a rose!
In a video interview for her cover shoot with TV Guide, “How To Get Away With Murder” star Viola Davis revealed the television show she would most like to be cast on. That show? “Game of Thrones.”
“I would love to be on ‘Game of Thrones.’ I love that show,” Davis said. “I would want to play a character like Diana Rigg, like a really great, no-nonsense, formidable queen. But I’d want to kill somebody. With a spear.”
Good lord I love her. Keep reading »
Do you watch “Empire,” that new show on FOX starring Taraji P. Henson, Terrence Howard and, uh, Courtney Love? I don’t, but I might have to start, because on last night’s episode, one of the characters donned A BLOW JOB BIB, something I am ashamed to say I did not know existed until now. Not actually sold in stores — YET! — a blow job bib is fashioned out of a some sort of absorbent piece of fabric like terry cloth that is then tied around the neck to protect from, um, spillage during clothed blow jobs. I guess it comes in pretty handy if you’re not the swallowing type. I’m just so delighted this was introduced on network TV. We’ve come — hehehehe — far! [NYMag.com] [Image via NYMag.com]
I hope your Wednesday night is free and clear of all commitments, because what you need to be doing is smoking a giant blunt and watching the season 2 premiere of “Broad City” on Comedy Central. It is the best show on Wednesdays, hilarious, ribald and lewd in all the right ways, and the chemistry of Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson is indisputable. Read this deep dive into what you can expect from the second season over at Grantland to prep, and watch the trailer for the second season above. If these two things aren’t enough, stop what you’re doing and watch the entire first season right here. It’s okay. Your boss isn’t looking. You’re probably not doing any work, anyway. [Grantland]
As news broke yesterday that Amazon Studios brokered a deal with controversial filmmaker and alleged pedophile Woody Allen to create a TV series for the fledgling streaming network, perhaps no one encapsulated the reaction better than Allen himself. “My guess is that Roy Price will regret this.” Keep reading »