Hello, there. Full disclosure. This post is a thinly veiled excuse for me to complain about my really bad morning. I could have used an open letter format. Had I, it might have been titled “An Open Letter To The Broken Refrigerator That Ruined My Morning.” I would have ranted about my broken refrigerator and all the rotten food I had to discard. And how the delivery men destroyed my apartment getting the new fridge in/old fridge out. And how my landlord stopped by in the middle of the fridge chaos to tell me that I might have a gas leak and that he is raising the rent (all in the same sentence, mind you). I might have gone on to complain about how I spent a good portion of the morning cleaning melt-y, frozen, chicken juice off my hopelessly outdated linoleum floor.
But then I thought about how Jessica got barfed on while riding the subway yesterday and how comparatively, her morning mishap was worse than mine. And then I thought about all of you out there who’ve also probably had really unfortunate stuff happen to you in the morning and how you might feel better if we could all commiserate about it together. And then I determined that a listicle of awful morning shit was in order. For all of our cathartic pleasures, find below, a compilation of crap that will absolutely obliterate your morning (based on things that have really happened to us). Keep reading »
Happy National Unmarried and Single Americans Week! It’s a real holiday. Yes, it is! It’s a week for singles and unmarrieds to celebrate themselves, to flaunt their status and feel superior to all the coupleds and marrieds. Or something like that. I’m not sure. It’s been National Singles Week for me for the better part of seven years and I’ve never felt superior. Well, maybe a few times. Keep reading »
The first thing you need to know is that I didn’t start masturbating until the age of 17. I’d gone through the ol’ puberty at 12 – I’d felt the universal stirrings down below – but it took me that extra five years to work out what I ought to do about it. Had I been interviewed at age 15 about female arousal, I would’ve said something like, “The only way to reach orgasm is through having sex.”
I believed that this feeling, whatever it was, could be … solved, let’s say, solely through use of the male penis. (As though there’s any other kind!)
But, oh: How wrong I was.
It’s hard to remember exactly what happened when finally it struck me all those years later that I could tend to things myself. I know the movie “Gas, Food, Lodgings” was involved. I’d been watching it in the basement of my family’s empty house, and there’d been some scene wherein some attractive male actor pushes Ione Skye up against a wall, and then they have very satisfying sex in an upright position in what appears to be a cave. It was terribly arousing, and the house was so terribly empty, and somehow, finally, I saw my right hand, and I knew. Keep reading »
When a therapist hits you with a zinger, it’s the kind of thing that stays with your forever. Best case scenario: it’s sage wisdom or advice that changes your life. Worst case scenario: it’s so wildly offensive or off-the mark that you know you have to dump your shrink. After the jump, I canvased Frisky staffers and friends for their therapists’ very best and worst one-liners. Share yours in the comments! Keep reading »
I am presently in a relationship, and I hope it goes the distance. I’m 33, I like him, I’m ready. Before I reached this impressively adult position, however, I had my way with a series of gentleman across the fair island of Manhattan. I was a little late to the online dating game, and once I discovered it, look out! I had a date more than half the nights of the week. And, if I’m being honest, I slept with a decent number of them. What can I say? I’m a fan of the one-night stand.
One night stands, I think, are like that very, very rich piece of cheesecake: Delicious and a total treat, but if you had it every day, you’d be like, “Oh my god. I’m disgusting. I feel gross. I hate myself.” They’re not for every day, but they’re for sometimes. The key is in the approach. You need to practice moderation. You need to find the right guy with whom to do it. And the right guy is simple. He is someone you’re very attracted to and with whom you have zero interest in a relationship.
Now that I’ve laid the criteria for the gentleman with whom you want to have a one night stand, let me work to convince you further as to why you should indulge … Keep reading »
Today is Thursday. That means nothing to you. But to me, it means I woke up smiling because every Thursday, I walk 13 blocks to visit my current crush. He works in the mobile falafel food truck which parks in my neighborhood once a week. In Hinduism, there’s a devotional act called Puja (and pardon me if I am getting this wrong, I learned about it in college so it’s been a while) where one shows reverence to the divine by lavishing worship on a object or representation of a deity. I’m not a religious girl, but I conduct my crushes with an air of spiritual devotion. I seek out men who edify some need in me. It’s not about physical beauty, although sometimes that’s involved. It’s not like I actually want to date them. A crush, for me, is not about sex or love. It’s about basking in the glory of the best masculinity has to offer. It’s about having a reason to walk 13 blocks in the rain to get a falafel, and feeling uplifted for having done so. After the jump, I pay homage to my biggest crushes of all time. Keep reading »
Happy International Left-Handers Day from yours truly, Ami Angelowicz, proud lefty. There are a bunch of things you already know about lefties — like we’re creative, intelligent, have good hand-eye coordination and tend to have crappier immune systems. Check to all of these, except for the hand-eye coordination. That trait seemed to have skipped me entirely. I was supposed to be good at tennis, dammit! Not even close. But there are other things that I’m good at (and bad at). And even though they’re not traditionally linked to being left-handed, that’s what I attribute them to. After the jump, five things I blame on being a south paw. Keep reading »
One of the most effective ways to initiate communication and let a guy know you are interested is by flirting with him.Flirting demonstrates your confidence and lets the guy see your intriguing, feminine side. However, flirting can backfire or take you in an unintended direction if not done correctly. The following are seven flirting mistakes you should avoid:
1. Playing games. Playing mind games or playing “hard to get” are never good. It may work here and there, but guys with any level of self-respect will not keep chasing a girl who plays games. If you are interested in a guy, show him you are interested or he will move on.
2. Being disrespectful. Sarcasm and humor can be effective tools when flirting. Humor keeps the discussion relaxed and sarcasm can show him your fiesty side. However, you want to be careful not to be mean-spirited. You don’t want to offend him or embarrass him in front of other people. Teasing a guy about something he says or does is different than challenging his manhood. Read more …
Men, how do you know you’re well-endowed? Oh, when your penis is mistaken for a weapon of mass destruction. Jonah Falcon, the man presumed to have the world’s largest penis (although Guinness World Records has not been down in his pants to confirm), aroused suspicion at the San Francisco International Airport when passing through security.
At nine inches flaccid and 13.5 inches at full mast, it’s not surprising that airport security suspected his “very noticeable” bulge might have been an explosive device. “I had my ‘stuff” strapped to the left. I wasn’t erect at the time … One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘It’s my d**k.’ He gave me a pat down … They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing,” said the 41-year-old New Yorker. Falcon joked that next time he’s “just going to wear bike shorts” when traveling. Great idea, Jonah! Click on through to see more of the most amazing d**ks that have ever existed. [Mirror UK]
According to a study done by “The Today Show” and Match.com, one in three single people would give up sex for a year before they would forgo their favorite food. OK, I can kind of understand that. Salted dark chocolate! But here’s the really depressing part. While many of the 4,000 singles polled mentioned steak or chocolate (I concur) as a foods worth sacrificing sex for, there were a slew of sad ass singles who said they would give up sex for SALAD. SALAD. I said SALAD. Unacceptable. Salad is great and all. It’s healthy and satisfying and I eat it almost every day for lunch. But even the most delicious salad in the history of the world does not trump humping. I conducted my own informal poll of ladies here at The Frisky office. After the jump, the things we would actually choose over a year of sex. Hint: NOT SALAD. Keep reading »