The second time the guy I’m dating spent the night, he opened his eyes in the middle of the night, pointed at my air conditioning unit, which was set to 74 degrees, and said: “Seventy-four! I’m 74! Remember when I was 25?” After I realized that he wasn’t actually awake (he’s nowhere near 74, but he’s not 25 either), I spent the next half hour, awake, analyzing this piece of dialogue. I decided he was having issues with aging, which I told him when he woke up. He agreed. I’m not much of a sleeper myself, never have been, so I’m always excited to have something to keep me entertained in the middle of the night. Keep reading »
Dating Don’ts: 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Turn Down A Second Date (Even If The First One Kind Of Sucked)
I was just talking to a friend about her new, amazing, best-sex-ever relationship. She said her first date with her now girlfriend was awful. They had nothing to talk about and it was awkward as hell.
“Why did you go out again?” I asked.
“We had already planned a second date before the first. It was a fluke,” she explained.
Now my friend is having the best sex of her life, something she wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t given this woman a second chance.
When I first moved to New York City, I dated pretty heavily. Wait. Heavily is the wrong word — that implies getting in deep, right? I dated many different guys. But I only went out with one of them more than once.
How is that even possible? Looking back, I see that since I only went out with them once, they were fundamentally the same exact guy — First Date Guy. Keep reading »
12 Totally Cheesy Halloween Pickup Lines
With all the candy, costumes and wild parties, Halloween is the perfect holiday to trick-or-treat for hookups. We say, capitalize on the cheesiness of the holiday and test out so totally lame pickup lines. Worst comes to worst, the person who rejects you will never know what you really look like. They’ll just remember you as that pervy witch who tried to get in their pants. No loss, no foul. After the jump, pickup lines especially for Halloween! Keep reading »
8 Reasons Halloween Hookups Are Different
Halloween is an interesting night for hookups with its own peculiar array of pros and cons. One Hallow’s Eve back in my 20s, I remember having this realization as I made out with a guy at a party. He was dressed as Frankenstein. I’ve never gotten green greasepaint makeup all over myself while making out before … I wonder if it will make me break out? The thought distracted me while we sucked face. This is an example of a uniquely Halloween hookup issue. The makeup did not make me break out for the record. And he got back together with his ex-girlfriend the following week, so that’s that. But these types of things good things to know. After the jump, some more ways hooking up on Halloween is different. Keep reading »
According To “Playboy,” The Best Colleges To Get Laid Are…
Playboy collected anecdotes, and tallied and rated colleges to see where the most partying is going on. Their method was to take the top 100 colleges in the US and measure them in the categories of sex, sports and nightlife. I’ve made no secret about the fact that I have no interest in sports and I’m too old for nightlife (I can barely make it up past 1 a.m. anymore). So that leaves sex. Let’s talk about which schools ranked as the best places to get laid. Ahem, my alma mater, NYU, ranks near the top of the heap. Go Violets! Mom and Dad, stop reading now. Keep reading »
5 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Witches
“Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble.” You are probably envisioning a bunch of warty, green-faced witches with broomsticks and pointy, black hats huddled arounds a cauldron casting a spell, right? I guess we can thank Shakespeare’s Macbeth for that. This image of the witch has become so intertwined with Halloween, but has little in common with real witches past or present. After the jump, a few things you might not have known about witches. Keep reading »
17 Things That Will Absolutely Destroy Your Morning
Hello, there. Full disclosure. This post is a thinly veiled excuse for me to complain about my really bad morning. I could have used an open letter format. Had I, it might have been titled “An Open Letter To The Broken Refrigerator That Ruined My Morning.” I would have ranted about my broken refrigerator and all the rotten food I had to discard. And how the delivery men destroyed my apartment getting the new fridge in/old fridge out. And how my landlord stopped by in the middle of the fridge chaos to tell me that I might have a gas leak and that he is raising the rent (all in the same sentence, mind you). I might have gone on to complain about how I spent a good portion of the morning cleaning melt-y, frozen, chicken juice off my hopelessly outdated linoleum floor.
But then I thought about how Jessica got barfed on while riding the subway yesterday and how comparatively, her morning mishap was worse than mine. And then I thought about all of you out there who’ve also probably had really unfortunate stuff happen to you in the morning and how you might feel better if we could all commiserate about it together. And then I determined that a listicle of awful morning shit was in order. For all of our cathartic pleasures, find below, a compilation of crap that will absolutely obliterate your morning (based on things that have really happened to us). Keep reading »
12 Online Dates I’m Really Glad I Didn’t Go On
I Found A BF Online
How Jessica found a boyfriend online dating. Yes, it really happens! Read More »
Happy National Unmarried and Single Americans Week! It’s a real holiday. Yes, it is! It’s a week for singles and unmarrieds to celebrate themselves, to flaunt their status and feel superior to all the coupleds and marrieds. Or something like that. I’m not sure. It’s been National Singles Week for me for the better part of seven years and I’ve never felt superior. Well, maybe a few times. Keep reading »
The 4 Weirdest Places I’ve Masturbated
The first thing you need to know is that I didn’t start masturbating until the age of 17. I’d gone through the ol’ puberty at 12 – I’d felt the universal stirrings down below – but it took me that extra five years to work out what I ought to do about it. Had I been interviewed at age 15 about female arousal, I would’ve said something like, “The only way to reach orgasm is through having sex.”
I believed that this feeling, whatever it was, could be … solved, let’s say, solely through use of the male penis. (As though there’s any other kind!)
But, oh: How wrong I was.
It’s hard to remember exactly what happened when finally it struck me all those years later that I could tend to things myself. I know the movie “Gas, Food, Lodgings” was involved. I’d been watching it in the basement of my family’s empty house, and there’d been some scene wherein some attractive male actor pushes Ione Skye up against a wall, and then they have very satisfying sex in an upright position in what appears to be a cave. It was terribly arousing, and the house was so terribly empty, and somehow, finally, I saw my right hand, and I knew. Keep reading »
The Best & Worst Things Our Therapists Have Said To Us
When a therapist hits you with a zinger, it’s the kind of thing that stays with your forever. Best case scenario: it’s sage wisdom or advice that changes your life. Worst case scenario: it’s so wildly offensive or off-the mark that you know you have to dump your shrink. After the jump, I canvased Frisky staffers and friends for their therapists’ very best and worst one-liners. Share yours in the comments! Keep reading »
