Vagina Killer (vah-ji´nah kil′ər) noun: 1. The thing that an otherwise acceptable man can do or say on a date to ensure that he will never get into your pants. Ever.
Vagina killers will stop the mojo of any good date dead in its tracks. For example, say you’re on a date with a perfectly charming, perfectly smart, perfectly handsome, perfectly eligible man. Ah, you think. A normal man at last. A good conversation. A nice dinner. Things are going well! And then he drops the one bomb that will ensure your vagina is closed for business to him for all eternity. Like he tells you that all he needs in his life is his cat; in fact, they are best friends and they do everything together. For a non-allergic cat lover, that might be a vagina awakener, but for me, a very allergic, non-cat loving person: vagina DOA. I’m sorry, Guy — you were in the running before you KILLED MY VAGINA.The point being, vagina killers are very personal and specific, but we all have them. Remember, your goal is to keep that vagina alive so you can meet her in person! After the jump, some more deadly vagina killers to avoid at all costs. Please share yours in the comments.
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Um. Sold. And they only cost $60. I need a Hugvie, the vibrating communication pillow. You just put your cell phone in a pouch in its minimalist human form, cuddle it, and it vibrates to the rhythm of the voice of the person you’re talking to. “The two vibrators produce a throbbing sound like a heartbeat. That pulse can get faster or stronger, depending on the volume and tone of the caller’s voice,” said inventor Hiroshi Ishiguro. Sounds exciting. This may be the thing that gets me to start talking on the phone again. [LA Weekly]
Last Friday, the weather was so lovely that I decided to walk home from work. On my way, I stopped by a deli and bought a big bunch of beautiful peonies, my favorite flower. They’re only in season for six weeks and I basically hoard them during that time. So anyway, a few blocks from my apartment, a guy in his early-’20s sidled up next to me and asked, “Who bought you flowers?”
“I bought them for myself,” I replied. Oh lord, what’s this dude want?
“Awwww,” he said with pity in his voice. “That’s so sad. A guy should be buying you flowers. I would.”
This, friends, is classic negging. Buying yourself flowers is sad! Flowers are supposed to be bought for you! By a mannnn! I should be flattered that this guy, who just declared my flower-buying “sad,” would buy me flowers. Little old sad me. What-the-fuck-ever. I rolled my eyes, uttered an “mmkay,” and detoured down another street.
The truth is, while it’s of course nice to get a bouquet from a dude, flowers are actually on the short list of so-called “romantic gifts” that boyfriends sometimes give that I would actually rather buy for myself. Allow me to explain… Keep reading »
Finding love is never easy– or so it seems when you’re single. As many women will admit, the bar scene isn’t always an ideal place to meet men and flirting with someone at work is sometimes frowned upon.
So if you’re “looking for love in all the wrong places” as the song goes… or just unsure of where to mingle with eligible singles, GalTime’s relationship expert Nikki Leigh has a few suggestions that just might help you get on the right path to meeting the man of your dreams.
According to Leigh, it’s possible to meet someone just about anywhere… whether it’s while shopping at the grocery store or while working out at the gym. Read more …
After a particularly bad breakup, most of us would admit to some crazy behavior. Of course, crazy is in the eye of the beholder … or the receiver. It may start innocently enough with drunken texts, Facebook stalking or obsessing over your need for closure. Unfortunately, every once and a while, a breakup sends even the most level-headed woman into a tailspin.
According to the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), there are nearly 400 diagnosable mental disorders — none of which have anything to do with the sudden onset of insanity after a breakup. Even doctors can get it wrong sometimes. In 1974, the APA removed homosexuality from the DSM as a mental disorder (thank you!), and they’ve added new disorders to the list since, such as Frotteurism (behaviors involving touching and rubbing against a non-consenting person). While a bad breakup probably won’t induce Frotteurism, it can cause seemingly intelligent, beautiful, educated, wonderful women to lose control. For the DSM-V, which comes out next year, I would like to offer up a new disorder for consideration — Post-Breakup Insanity, or PBI. Keep reading »
All I wanted to do on Sunday was get a mani/pedi so my nails didn’t look so chipped and busted. Kicking back with a crinkled copy of Allure while Top 40 radio blares overhead is the closet thing modern women have to bliss. But instead of being a zen experience, my local nail salon was railroaded by a horribly rude woman causing drama. Rude Woman apparently needed to have ONLY non-scented lotion used on her skin. Yet, despite it apparently being so important, she didn’t bring any of her own along with her.
Instead, Rude Woman got really snotty with all the employees about whether their lotion was scented or non-scented; she repeatedly talked down to them about whether they had it and why they didn’t. The way Rude Woman was talking — loud, accusatory — seemed to imply these nail salon folks either didn’t understand a lick of English (not true) or were intentionally trying to ruin her day. Other customers and I kept making eye contact during her repeated rants, like, “Can you believe this woman?”
Look. I’m sympathetic to her frustration, sort of. A lot of nail salons will say anything to you to get you to use their services — my favorite is saying it will just be a five minute wait when it is really more like 20. But Rude Woman was just plain condescending. I was embarrassed for her. I was embarrassed for the employees.
So, Rude Woman, I hope you don’t read The Frisky. But just in case you do, I’ve penned a handy, dandy guide about how not to be awful at the nail salon. Keep reading »
The third date was perfect. You laughed, you flirted, your hands grazed as you both reached for the cheesiest nacho.
Eight days later — nothing. They haven’t called or answered your text(s). You’ve been checking their Facebook profile so sadly you’re sure they were not a victim of a tragic accident en route to dropping off flowers or serenading you outside of your window with an iPod dock and the latest episode of This American Life. Keep reading »
Like Ruben Studdard sang so lovingly in “I’m Sorry (2004)” — guys, I love that song — there’s a lot of things we have to apologize for to our loved ones. But some of us understand the finesse of a good apology better than others. And so often, we ladies get particularly terrible apologies from the dudes in our lives.
After the jump, horrible, annoying apologies we’ve gotten. And add your worst apologies in the comments! Keep reading »
“So … are you single?” It’s a question we expect people to have one of two answers to: Yes, or no. You’re either single or you’re not.
But what about all the various degrees of singlehood? Some single people I know haven’t been on a date in years; others are on a date every night; still others haven’t officially declared themselves paired off, but spend most of their free time with the same person. Where do you fall on the spectrum? Keep reading »
I’m completely and utterly absorbed in both the Game of Thrones book series, by George R. R. Martin, and the HBO show. It’s so imaginative! As I’ve been reading the books, I’ve been completely enthralled by some of the language Martin uses, both old-fashioned terms and unique turns of phrase that really roll off the tongue, and I am determined to introduce many of them into my regular speech. Here are 12 to start! Keep reading »