When I was 13, I didn’t have the option of purchasing my Units separates on Ebay or getting the new Red Hot Chili Peppers cassette tape on iTunes or finding a way to live stream the latest NC-17 film on my laptop. If I wanted a lava lamp or a new glamour shot or an Orange Julius, I had to convince one of my parents (or one of my friends’ parents) to drop me off at the damn mall for the day. It was an event which required strategic planning and ingenuity. And one that I was concerned that young people today might miss out on. Keep reading »
Our wish this Father’s Day is that we can make it through an entire 24-hour period without our dads looking at us with that perplexed face they make sometimes. Like when you say, “I need to run to the drugstore because we’re out of lotion.” Then he’ll be like, “But we have four bottles Lubriderm from Costco.” And you’ll be like, “I can only use that on my lower legs, but I have to use the firming lotion on my thighs. Also, I hate the way it smells.” Then he’ll look at you like you just tried to explain the Higgs boson to him and skulk away. Oh dad, you have so much to learn about us. Starting with: Keep reading »
Stage 1: Skepticism. You sit down at what’s supposedly the best deep dish pizza restaurant in all of Chicago and think to yourself, There’s no way I’ll like this better than New York pizza. I like my crust thin. I like to be able to fold my slice in half and eat it while I text and Instagram and walk the dog. What the hell does Chicago know about pizza that New York doesn’t? And then you sit and wait until your pizza arrives. It takes a good 30 minutes, and you don’t care how friendly the waiter is (FINE, the people in Chicago are nicer), no pizza is worth waiting more than half an hour for. You have other things to do. Like, try Italian beef. What are they doing back there, making the crust a quarter of a millimeter at a time?
Stage 2: Playing it cool. The pizzas arrive, piping hot and smelling better than bacon on New Year’s morning and you have an automatic salivary response. Your stomach churls and lurches, but your face shows none of it. Smell isn’t everything. You are going to reserve your enthusiasm for the first bite.
Stage 3: Loss of decorum. Despite your resolve not to like this bastard form of pizza, you’ve bitten down on a slice of pillowy, saucy, crunchy deep dish cheese with pepperoni, and you’re experiencing a mini-blackout. All of your pleasure centers are responding at once. You are floating through cloud crusts, sailing through a pepperoni sea. You are lulled to sleep on a bed of sauce and tucked into a blanket of mozzarella. And no pain or harm can come to you. Now or ever again. The world is not such a bad place after all as long as deep dish pizza stays in your mouth forever. You don’t care if it’s all over your face. You don’t care if you’ve brought the plate up to your face and you are licking it. You are alone with the pizza. Just you and the pizza for eternity. Keep reading »
I’ve written before about why my dad is awesome, but looking back at my childhood, he definitely wasn’t the only father figure in my life. Being the imaginative weirdo that I was, most of my alternate dads were completely and totally fictional, but that didn’t make them any less integral to my emotional development. It was actually pretty hard to pare down this list, but here are 7 fictional characters — from a Jedi Master to a clumsy handyman — who were my imaginary dads, and taught me a lot about life in their own unique ways… Keep reading »
My boyfriend Nick and I have lived in Tennessee for almost two months now. After spending most of our lives in the Pacific Northwest, we are total newbies to the South, so while we are by no means experts on Southern culture, we also don’t take any part of it for granted. From big hair to sweet tea, we are drinking it all in. There are a few aspects of Southern life that I’m not a big fan of (the wasps here are the size of birds), but for the most part, I already feel like Southern living is the only way to live. Here are 10 reasons why… Keep reading »
One of the easiest ways to save money and add some DIY flair to your wedding ceremony is to make your own bridal bouquet. Choosing your own flowers is a fun and creative way to personalize your wedding day look, but it can be a bit intimidating if you don’t know where to start. I asked my friend and professional floral designer Chelsea Fuss for her top 5 bouquet-making tips for DIY brides. Check out her great advice after the jump! Keep reading »