It’s happened to all of us at one point or another. You’re sitting on the couch cozying up for a “Real Housewives” marathon and your boyfriend farts in your face. When this happened to you, you probably laughed it off or pretended to be grossed out (unless it really stank, in which case you were genuinely grossed out) and said something like, “Baby, thank you for showing me how much you care.”
That’s not how Florida woman — of course! — Deborah Ann Burns reacted when her boyfriend let one rip in her face. Instead, she threw an eight-inch knife at her boyfriend’s stomach and then proceeded to beat him with a stick. (I’m very curious about what show she was watching because I know I get upset when I get interrupted during “The Voice.”)
Burns’ boyfriend is in stable condition, but forever traumatized by his own flatulence, and she is facing charges for trying to cut someone who cut the cheese, aka aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Florida does it again. [Huffington Post; NBC Miami]
Tired of the same old fried or scrambled eggs? Wish you could enjoy your favorite breakfast food in a more phallic shape? Then you should definitely check out a new kitchen gadget called the “Rollie Eggmaster.” Just crack your eggs into the tube-shaped contraption, and a couple minutes later it slowly pushes out a cooked egg boner. According to the infomercial, it’s “perfect for the office!” Lord help us. [YouTube]
Tonya needs your help. She went to SuperCuts last week to get bangs. She asked the hairdresser to keep it “shorter in the front, longer in the back” so she could pull it back into a ponytail when she went to the gym. A few snips later and she had a power mullet. Needless to say, Tonya had to go out and buy a whole mess of hats. She’s considering donating her mullet tail to locks of love and getting extensions. But first, she needs to find a good hairdresser who can fix this mess. Tonya’s not alone. There seems to be an epidemic of stock photo models with batcrackers insane hair. Check out a few of the worst hairdos in the stockphotoverse.
Where Pinterest meets misguided ideas lives a dark, disturbing world of “artistic” foods that spark anxiety dreams instead of hunger pangs. See if you can look at Watermelon Face, Octodog and Broccoli Poodle without screaming. Now imagine trying to eat these things. Not possible. Feeling brave? Click through to check out 17 terrifying Pinterest foods…
Late last night, Florida man Jeffrey Bush was sucked into a sinkhole that opened in his home’s backyard, and grew larger, swallowing his bedroom. His brother, Jeremy Bush, who also lives in the house, tried to rescue his 36-year-old brother from the hole, but was nearly sucked into the rubble himself. Authorities had to pull him out before they lost him as well.
Jeremy reports that he just gone to bed when he heard a loud noise like a car hitting the house and cries for help from his brother’s room. When he opened the door, he found the dresser and bed had disappeared into a hole. That’s when he jumped in and began to dig. Keep reading »
Big news on the colorful gummy candy/fantasy autocannibalism front! A place called FabCafe in Japan is offering a new service that uses 3D body scanners to create a realistic, life-size replica of your body–made entirely of gummy candy. Amazingly enough, the entire process costs just $65, but there are only 9 spaces available in the gummy replica workshop (I sense an eBay bidding war is imminent). FabCafe is marketing the gummy replicas as a great gift idea for men to give to their romantic partners. I can’t decide if this story is disturbing or delicious, so I’m going to call it disturbelicious, and no, I’m not sorry. [Gizmodo]
These sneaker wedges are totally cool. This commercial that’s been running on MTV? Not so much. Sketchers’ two-inch-high sneaker wedges are called Daddy’$, pronounced “Daddy’s Money,” and the tweens in the commercial sing about a “hot daddy’s girl” — all at once innocent and sexy and spending your “daddy’s” cash. Not your own money or your family’s money — your daddy’s money. (Do they mean your actual daddy that changed your shit-stained diapers or your creepy older boyfriend? Not clear!) This commercial just gives me the skeevs and not just because the person who bought and paid for all my sneakers growing up was my mom. [Babble]
You know that giant wall of flawlessly folded, neatly stacked towels at Bed Bath & Beyond? The one that makes you feel like maybe there is some kind of order in this crazy, unpredictable world we live in? Well, as you can see, those perfectly folded towels aren’t perfectly folded at all–it’s just one towel crammed into a folded towel-shaped facade! Did you just gasp? Me too. Hopefully Amelia understands that I will need to take the rest of the day off to emotionally process this devastating news. [Neatorama]