Cops say a Tennessee teen who got arrested for driving with a suspended license on Monday had a surprise in store for police.
When a female corrections officer at Kingsport jail performed a search on 19-year-old Dallas Archer, she allegedly discovered an “unknown object” lodged in the young woman’s crotch. She alerted another female officer, who accompanied her during a further examination, according to documents obtained by the Smoking Gun. Read more on Huffington Post…
Here is the recipe for Avril Lavigne’s music video for her new single, “Hello Kitty”:
- 10 heaping scoops of Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku appropriation phase
- 3 cups Skrillex hair
- 2 cups assorted Skrillex noises (OK to sub generic brand “Scrillecks” here)
- 1.5 cups “Wait, isn’t Avril Lavigne my age? Why is this making me feel so old? Why is this song so loud? Why is she still singing about slumber parties?”
- 5 tablespoons PROBLEMATIC
- 2 tablespoons of that time you had a Skittles-eating contest with your brother and vomited rainbow-colored bile.
- A pinch of the most awkward sushi restaurant scene since you saw a white guy bow to the chef at a conveyer belt sushi restaurant in a suburban strip mall in Utah.
- Crumble “SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WTF” over the top and bake until crisp.
Yeeeepppp, that just about sums it up. Avril, you know I always want to have your back, but not this time. I’m going to go take two aspirin and lie down for awhile.
This ad for Weight Watchers “Smart Ones” frozen meals popped up before a YouTube video I was watching, and I actually had to watch it twice all the way through to realize it wasn’t some kind of satire or parody. Unfortunately, it’s real. And it’s terrible.
“We brought women like you together in Times Square,” reads the opening title, over a whimsical soundtrack. “It was time to ‘fess up.” This is followed by women (only women, no men) sheepishly admitting to the camera that they like buttered popcorn, or that they once ate cake frosting for breakfast, or that they have a weakness for mini cupcakes. Their confessions are shown on a huge screen in Times Square for all to see (while the women cover their faces in shame), before being digitally erased and replaced with a message: “Congratulations, you now have a clean slate!” Women are then shown cheering and triumphantly holding up empty plates, which they are presumably only to fill with microwavable, highly processed meals from now until eternity. Or maybe, in an ideal world, they just wouldn’t eat at all?
Weight Watchers, I have three words for you: Fuck. This. Noise. Here’s why: Keep reading »
On Monday, Lukyanova posted a selfie to her Facebook page that shows her bare-faced and wearing a black bikini. Just hours earlier, she posted a photo of her all done up and dressed in a frothy pink skirt for a modeling gig. Read more on Huffington Post…
Go ahead, watch it 300 times (I’m on my 478th). Enjoy it. Study it carefully. And then tell me your best guess for what the hell is happening in this glorious and confusing moment of human-goat interaction. Give up? Get the answer, along with a slow motion video of the full encounter, after the jump! Keep reading »
When a mom in Lincoln, Nebraska, realized her three-year-old son was missing from their apartment, she called the police, and a frantic search of the neighborhood ensued. Meanwhile, at a bowling alley down the street, employees were doing a double take at a shockingly realistic stuffed toddler toy that had suddenly appeared in their claw crane machine. But wait a second…upon closer inspection, they realized that stuffed toddler toy was actually a living, breathing child that had somehow climbed into the machine and gotten stuck. The bowling alley employees flagged down the cops, who connected the dots, removed the kid from the machine, and returned him to his grateful (and very confused) mother. No one is sure how he managed to get into the machine, although we can only assume he was returning for a toy that had fallen out of the crane claw moments before it made it to the prize chute, which he felt was rightfully his (those machines are so annoying). If so, his plan worked: the bowling alley owner let the toddler take home the stuffed animal of his choice for his trouble. [Crimefeed]