As if fashion week weren’t problematic enough, what with the parades of drastically thin models and shameful lack of racial diversity, now a plastic surgeon has set up a runway next to the tents at Lincoln Center to stage a show of his “designs,” AKA cosmetic surgery patients, AKA human beings. Yep, the show was called “Faces Of Beauty” and featured 50(!) of the doctor’s former patients strutting the catwalk while photos of their former noses, foreheads, and chins were displayed on monitors behind them. “There are lot of trends out there. One is the clothes you wear. Another is the face and body you wear,” says the surgeon, who I’m not going to name because I don’t want to add to his Google hits. “Just like Ralph Lauren introduces his new line, what I am introducing is aesthetically pleasing plastic surgery.” Just overlook the minor detail that Ralph Lauren’s fabrics of choice are cotton and silk, while this dude’s are cartilage and flesh. Keep reading »
In today’s edition of WTF stock photos, I came across some models who are most definitely having a rough day. We think they could use a drink. Click through and join me in offering them the nice, stiff cocktail they so sorely deserve.
[Photos from Shutterstock]
Do you love watching TV and using your computer while laying flat on your back? Hate using pillows to prop your head up so you can see the screen? Tired of waiting for evolution to catch up to our lounging habits and rearrange our facial features into a more convenient TV-watching position? Oh boy, do I have the product for you: lazyglasses! These clever glasses contain mirrored lenses that bend your vision 90 degrees, allowing you to see screens or read text from a completely horizontal position, and they can be yours for just $15.99! Now if only they came with a device that let you drink wine while laying down without spilling it all over the couch, my life would be complete. [Laughing Squid]
“I was driving by, I saw this giant Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket in my yard, and I thought for sure I was hallucinating, so I called my teenagers who were at home and had them go outside.”
Seriously, have you ever read a better opening line to any story, ever? This gem of a quote comes from a woman named Aleena Headrick, who did indeed discover a 7-foot KFC bucket in her Waynesboro, Georgia, yard. Whereas I would have assumed it was a not-so-subtle message from hungry aliens and retreated to my underground bunker, goodhearted Headrick decided to share the strange scene on social media. “Too often we just need something to laugh about,” she told reporters, “so I put it on Facebook and told [my friends] that I would bring chicken to the next potluck.” Keep reading »
In Zimbabwe, a country where the average yearly income is $150, giving birth in a hospital can be prohibitively expensive at $50. But at one corrupt hospital, this price can increase depending on how much the woman giving birth screams. Yes, a local hospital in Zimbabwe apparently considers screams during childbirth to be “raising false alarm.” Therefore, each time a woman cries out, she is fined $5. Keep reading »
Teen sorta sensation Aaron Carter, perhaps best known as little brother of Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, is now 25 and touring the country on his “After Party” tour. On a stop in Boston, Carter claims he was jumped and beaten by four men, and he posted a couple Instagram photos of himself looking busted to prove it. What sparked the altercation? According to Carter, it was a classic boy band turf war. Seriously. Keep reading »
Amazon describes the little-known (thank God!) 1999 self-help book, The Rules For Getting Laid: Get The Sex You Want as an “outrageous, hilarious, politically incorrect book shows men the boneheaded mistakes they make in seducing women” and tells “readers the secrets no one else will have the guts to speak!” Well, that was putting it kindly. The Village Voice dug up a copy of the out-of-print book and combed through the pages for useful tips from authors David Graff and Ray Schwartz (two men who clearly have never gotten laid). Spoiler: there weren’t any. But there are plenty of super offensive, misogynistic, bordering on stalker-ish/rape-y pieces of sex advice to get whipped up about. Let’s do that, shall we? After the jump, the worst, most awful, most WTF sex advice from the book that promises: “Feminist women and men will try to ban or burn this book!” Burn, burn, burn! Keep reading »
New thing to be afraid of: SNAKES KNOW HOW TO OPEN DOORS NOW. We’re not sure if this is a python or a boa constrictor, but we all agree we are having nightmares tonight. And going to the bathroom in pairs all afternoon. Carrying axes.
After the jump, watch Amelia’s not-at-all-over-the-top reaction on Vine to the news that snakes are taking over. Keep reading »
Thank you to Tiana Nicole Calandro of Delray Beach, Florida (yay!), for the arrest excuse of the day. When she was pulled over for speeding, police saw something protruding from her T-shirt pocket and asked what it was. “It’s my nipple,” Calandro responded.
“I advised her I knew what a nipple looked like and that wasn’t a nipple,” the officer wrote in his report. You’d think that would have made her fess up, but no. Calandro swallowed the pill, which turned out to be Dilaudid. The officer tried to get her to spit it out, but that didn’t work either. And that’s how one’s “nipple” can land them in jail with possession charges. [NJ]
I came across a story this morning about a British guy who believes he has been a zombie for the last nine years. Not, like, a “Oh, hahahaha, let’s dress up for Halloween and do a zombie crawl and get totally wasted” type of zombie, but really actually a zombie. The man had tried committing suicide a decade ago, and when he woke up in the hospital, he was adamant he was dead.
To soothe himself, the guy — called “Graham” for the purposes of the story — would hang out in graveyards, communing with his fellow “dead.” This all sounds like the plot of some kind of moody teen drama, right? But actually? “Graham” was suffering from something called Cotard Delusion.
And it is insane. Keep reading »