Today in NOOOOOOOO: Chris Brown, singer or something and otherwise all-around spawn of Satan, has been signed to the artist management division of Wilhelmina International, the modeling agency representing such popular faces as supermodel Coco Rocha, plus-size star Robyn Lawley, and, uh, Kendall Jenner. The highly-regarded agency will seek to score fashion and beauty endorsements and licenses for the infamous pop star. (Is he a pop star? Seriously, I have no clue. I’ve never heard any of his songs besides “Birthday Cake,” which is an insult to humanity and also people with ears all over the world.) I wonder how that ill-advised neck tattoo of a horribly battered woman will play into his modeling career? In the most basic of terms: fucking gag. [WWD]
As impressive as this In-N-Out Burger cubicle costume is, I’ve gotta say that unless the person who works in there was distributing double-doubles to their coworkers, this is really nothing but a cruel tease. [Neatorama]
When a nine-year-old Ukrainian boy found his parents’ life savings stashed under the couch, he did what any kid with a sweet tooth and a touch of psychopathy would do: he paid off an adult acquaintance to help him convert the $4,000 nest egg to Ukrainian currency, and then he went to the candy store. And spent all of it. Yep, while most children might snag a few bucks and call it good, it seems this particular child’s candy compulsion was so strong, it was worth setting up a multi-currency money laundering operation. I used to think I was clever for concealing my identity to score extra free samples at Costco, but damn, this child’s scheme is next level. Also? We all might want to stock up on vegetables now, because this kid is obviously going to take over the world someday, and there will be no room for kale in his totalitarian Candy Land. [Huffington Post]
Julie and I agree that these weird, confusing, totally real denim sandal boots most likely came into existence as the result of someone making a pair of cutoff jean shorts (or “jorts,” if you’re an asshole) and trying to find a way to use the rest of the fabric. Here, I wrote a haiku to better explain the thought process:
Just made some sweet jorts!
Now I have extra fabric…
I’ll make jandal joots!
Seriously though, why do these exist?! [Buzzfeed]
Obama won last night. Four more years! Four more years! Some of you are totally stoked on the re-election, some of you may even be bummed. Where ever you stand on the political spectrum right now doesn’t quite matter when there are so many ridiculous political gag gifts out there for all you red and blue girls.
Seriously though, the fact that these things exist means people buy them. The Hillary Clinton Nut Cracker, I eat a lot of nuts (and have been know to trample on a few myself) so I’d totally buy one of those, but I am just not sure who the ObamaBop Punching Bag is for? Welp, girls, get ready to have your political sensibilities shaken with these 18 super crass political gifts. Read more…
Post-Hurricane Sandy, I was lucky to have electricity, heat, water and plenty of food. Only issue: Without a car, and no running subways, I was stranded in my outer borough neighborhood for many days. Besides the local yoga studio, the only other place to go was the big drugstore on the corner, which, as you may imagine, was completely ravaged after the storm. The only aisle that was fully stocked was the “as seen on TV” aisle (pictured above). I had never noticed it before. I was like WAIT! OMFG! I can buy these things without having to call an 800 number? I haven’t had a TV for years, I watch on the internet, so this was a revelation to me. Keep reading »
Ladies, I know you find driving a totally beguiling prospect. But now there’s a car just for you! The Honda “SHE’S” is pink! So pink! With pink leather stitching and a pink air conditioning console, the perfect shade of labia. It won’t drive for you, but it will make you feel like a pretty, pretty princess while you motor around. The only problem? So far the gender normative ridiculousness of the SHE’S is only available in Japan. So I guess that means I’m packing up and moving to Tokyo so I can finally master this difficult “driving a car” thing. [Buzzfeed]
New York City Police Department officer Gilberto Valle was arrested today for a failed plot to kidnap, rape, torture, and cook women. COOK them. This is so disturbing and disgusting that I almost don’t know what to say. Warning: Some of the details after the jump are graphic. Keep reading »
These toothy oxfords, made with a pair of British dress shoes and over 1,000 dentures, are just an art project at this point, but let’s hope they don’t become a trend. I have a hard enough time remembering to floss the teeth in my mouth–I’m not sure I could handle the extra responsibility of flossing my shoes. [Fantich & Young]