Guys, I know picking out a Christmas gift for your lady (if she hasn’t told you exactly, specifically what she wants) is no easy feat. There are so many options out there. And if you’re bad at this whole buying presents thing, you may find yourself completely overwhelmed and defeated and susceptible to making really bad purchases. Sometimes the best way to narrow things down is to start by identifying the gifts that you shouldn’t buy her. We can help with that. Click though for a guide to holiday presents that will not get you laid.
“Spectacular Sea Hats” as Buzzfeed calls them, would not be so spectacular should this man, say, want to woo a lady. Or get her in the sack. Let’s face it, a man who wears a jellyfish hat is a man who goes to bed lonely. Note to all dudes considering a Spectacular Sea Hat purchase: Take the plush octopus off your head. And while we’re at it, here are some more hats that will not earn a man any points with the ladies…
Just say no to lingerie that accomplishes the opposite of its intended effect. Like this Psychic Friends Network look that debuted at at Tokyo’s Bunka Fashion College lingerie design competition. My crystal ball predicts that no one wants to sleep with a lady wearing a turban and a pair of omnipotent panties. Even Ms. Cleo wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this in the boudoir. Click through to see more lingerie looks that aren’t going to help you get laid in the near future. [Buzzfeed]
Give the lady the wrong Valentine’s Day gift and she won’t be so excited to open her heart (or her legs) for you. Even if you do love her “from top to bottom,” we urge you not to buy her this roll of toilet paper. Here are some more gifts that are not going to get her romantic juices flowing. [Just Paper Roses]
If your lady wants to run to the bedroom immediately after unwrapping your present (meaning your holiday gift, not the present in your pants), she probably liked it. For post-gift sex indicates that your present was thoughtful, touching, meaningful, and impressive. These gifts will not inspire any sort of arousal. If you hope to get laid this holiday season, you may want to avoid slipping these gifts under the tree.
After a thorough inspection of available costumes for men, I have come to the conclusion that the Halloween industry is conspiring to sabotage dudes’ chances of getting laid. There are just so, so many horribly unsexy Halloween costumes for men. We’ve showed you a bunch in the past, but believe it or not, there are more. Last time I checked, Spam was about as far from an aphrodisiac as you could get. But this is hardly the worst offender. Keep on clicking to see even more Halloween costumes that will guarantee you a sexless Halloween.
If you’re single and looking to trick or treat, Halloween is the absolute best holiday to score some man candy. That is, provided you choose the proper costume. Don’t screw up your chances of getting laid this Halloween with an unsexy costume like this turkey suit. Wear it, and you’re just begging to be asked if you gobble at the height of passion. Do yourself a favor and save the turkey for Thanksgiving. Click on through for more Halloween costumes that will scare off potential suitors faster than you can say “boo!”
You want to get laid? Congratulations! Most of us do! Should you be in the market for sex with a lady, there are polite ways to inform your potential partner of your amorous desires and totally inappropriate ways to do so. Using an improper sex euphemism can kill her mood faster than you can say “bumping uglies.” After the jump, some unapproved sex euphemisms that won’t lead to porking boning the horizontal polka sexual intercourse.
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