Samhita Mukhopadhyay asked today on Al Jazeera: Can online dating ever be women-friendly? She talks in her op-ed about the challenges of online dating after your mid-30s, the rash of gross misogynist messages you can expect to receive as a woman on online dating sites, and how Tinder was intended to be woman-friendly, but can it really be woman-friendly if its creators don’t know what life is like as a woman and have, now, been accused of sexual harassment? She doesn’t mention sites like Straight White Boys Texting, which cull their content from Tinder users, among others, and which seems like a pretty pertinent point: Even if you “approve” of them based on their profile, you have no guarantee of how a potential date will actually treat you in real time.
Her conclusion is this pretty depressing last-stage-of-grief coping mechanism: “It’s as though the offensiveness on dating sites becomes a sorting mechanism, a virtual last man standing; only the last man is (hopefully) not a drunk sexist jerk.” My god. I mean, I know what she’s talking about. I’ve been there. It’s just that I was 25 and after four months of being on OKCupid the well of all right guys had already dried up and I couldn’t find anyone who was neither sexist nor duplicitous nor hyper-defensive (I expect from previous bad online dating experiences of their own). Keep reading »
I’ve said it briefly before, but I want to say it again in more depth: I’m not ashamed of my emotional disorder. In the six months since I started writing for a living, I’ve had a rash of people — okay, trolls — on the internet writing e-mails, leaving comments, and even writing blogs about my mental stability, but specifically saying that there’s something “wrong” with me.
I mean, kind of. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I don’t think I’ve ever said explicitly why: Because I was in a long-term, abusive relationship, and because six months after I left it, I was raped. On top of that, I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 13, and I’ve gone through a slew of diagnoses to figure out exactly why I feel emotions as intensely as I do, and my doctors and I have recently settled on it being sort of a generalized personality disorder — not exactly one or the other of those listed in the DSM-V. Keep reading »
First, let me say that I’m a fan of Wendy Davis. I look forward to reading her recently debuted memoir, Forgetting to Be Afraid, and I admire her amazing energy, her dedication to public service, and her impeccable choice in footwear while filibustering for 11 hours in the Texas Senate last year. I’m way thrilled that she’s running a tough race to become the first Democratic governor of Texas in two decades.
No, my problem isn’t with Davis at all — or even with the way she candidly detailed her abortion experiences in her book.
But we have come to the point where, like rape, and domestic violence, and so many other “women’s stories, there’s the ‘good” story—the acceptable one, the defensible one, the OK to discuss one — and the others. Women still have to justify their choices about their bodies, their sex partners, and who they allow (or don’t) to punch them in the face. Keep reading »
Nothing says Independence Day quite like exercising your freedom to go commando! Thanks to certain female celebrities who can’t keep their cha-cha’s away from paparazzi camera lenses, lots of women have developed a fear of going panty-free, since they’d like to keep their privates, well…private. But I’m here to tell you why you should consider saying goodbye to undies, if only just for the holiday (aside from the fact that it just sounds patriotic). It’s what our forefathers would have wanted… Keep reading »
If you’re in favor of #FreeTheNipple, but don’t feel like getting arrested for going topless, we have a solution: The “Tata Top,” a bikini top with nipples printed on the cups.
While men get to prance around with their big, hairy nips enjoying the summer sun, most places require women to cover up and keep their areolas out of sight. In my humble opinion, women, the ones who actually use their nipples for feeding purposes, should be able to show off their breasts like a badge of honor whenever they damn well please. Robyn Graves and Michelle Lytle, two women visiting Chicago from Amsterdam and the co-founders of the Tata Top, agree. When the ladies were traveling in the states, they were forbidden to swim in Lake Michigan in their normal European garb (bottoms, no tops), and they realized that it’s pretty damn ridiculous. On the Tata Top blog, the girls write:
Why can’t girls be topless? If you really think about it, what’s the difference between a man’s nipples and a woman’s? Is it really just the extra breast tissue? …look at this situation as if you were explaining it to an alien who newly arrived on Earth. Explain why women have to cover up their chests, but not men. What reason would you give?
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Conservatives’ stance on marriage hasn’t ever much suited me. The so-called value they profess the loudest is “Preserving And Protecting Traditional Marriage” — it sat at number one atop the 2012 GOP platform — and is of course coded language for marriage between a man and a woman.
Their PR strategy for pushing traditional marriage is pretty firmly focused on accusing LGBTQ couples of not being “natural.” Obviously this boner for “saving marriage” is just a cover for bigotry towards LGTBQ folks. But having recently gotten married — to a man — I’m noticing more and more how conservatives meddle in heterosexual marriage, too.
Ladies, you haven’t won the game just because you have a ring on your finger! You are also probably doing something wrong right this minute!
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