Tag Archives: witchcraft

Witches, Mind How High You Fly Your Broomstick In Swaziland

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Penis Snatching
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Albino Sacrifice
African albino girl sacrificed for magic potion. Read More »

A new statute in Swaziland, a country where albino children are sacrificed for use in magic potions, forbids witches from flying their broomsticks higher than 500 feet in the air.

“A witch on a broomstick should not fly above the [500 foot] limit,” said the director of the Civil Aviation Authority. No word on what the punishment is for for witches flying below 500 feet. But it’s an interesting restriction considering the fact that Swazi brooms are short bundles sticks without handles that witches typically use to fling potions around, not as their primary from of transportation.

The new law, which also forbids remote-controlled toy planes or kites from flying above 500 feet, was implemented after a private investigator was arrested for flying a toy helicopter he was using to do surveillance too high.

Well, I guess I won’t be visiting Swaziland anytime soon because I only travel by broomstick. Bummer. [Times Live]

[Photo from Shutterstock]

What You Need To Know About Penis Snatching

Accused Witch
witch
Accused witch is burned alive. Read More »
Albino Sacrifice
African albino girl sacrificed for magic potion. Read More »

I read the Malleus Maleficarum in college in my Performativity of Witchcraft course. Yes, that course really existed at NYU, and it was fascinating. It was commonplace in Europe in the 15th and 16th century to blame witches for many things, including stealing male genitalia and hiding them in birds’ nests. I read this as a metaphor, of course, for sex and female power. I never believed that that penises could actually be stolen.

However, according to Louisa Lombard of Pacific Standard, genital snatching is a crime on the rise in Central Africa. When traveling through the small town of Tiringoulou in 2010, Lombard encountered men afraid to so much as shake her hand because of two instances of penis snatching. I’m sure you’re wondering, as I was, how a penis can be snatched right out of a man’s pants. Keep reading »

Wait, Witches’ “Broomsticks” Were Actually Dildos?

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According to this random piece of unidentified text I found on the interweb (which therefore must be 100 percent factual), medieval witches inserted magic potions or “flying ointment” into their vaginas with a special dildo or “broomstick.” Well, that explains the whole flying thing. They were basically getting high and pleasuring themselves. Hey, why not? [imgur]

New Cure For Infertility: Witchcraft!

With all of the modern technology available to help couples conceive, some people are going back to the dark ages to treat infertility. There is a piece in the Daily Mail about how a UK couple swears that a “white witch” helped them conceive their two children. Claire and Stephen Anderson were told they had a one in a billion chance of conceiving with her polycystic ovaries and his low sperm count. So what did they do? Fed up with the health care system, they visited Wendy Binks, aka Ladysnake … a witch. According to the Daily Mail:

[Several times a week,] the high priestess performed various chants, cleansing their energies and performing fertility spells before giving the couple a specially designed lunar sex schedule, and continuing to cast spells for them with her coven in their absence.

Keep reading »

Quickies: Charlie Sheen Pisses Off A Coven Of Warlocks & Hear Kim Kardashian’s Single

  • Sadly-slash-hilariously, Charlie Sheen has offended a coven of real-life warlocks with his bizarro comments. Also, he allegedly sent an anti-Semitic text to his ex-wife Brooke Mueller last week in which he denigratingly referred to a colleague as a “stoopid Jew.” [TMZ, TMZ]
  • Serena Williams recently suffered a pulmonary embolism, or blood clots in the lungs. Luckily her rep confirms she’s on the mend. Get well soon, Serena! [People]
  • The Apple iPad 2 will start shipping on March 11. Anyone getting one? [Oh No They Didn't!]
  • Smart men explain why they date dumb women, as if it isn’t obvious. [The Gloss]

Keep reading »

Today In Terribleness: Albino Girl Sacrificed For Magic Potion In Africa

In Swaziland, a tiny country in Southern Africa, an 11-year-old albino girl, Banele Nxumalo, was shot, beheaded, and sent down the river all in the name of witchcraft last week. Keep reading »

Put Him Under Your Sexy Spell

It’s hard to cast a spell over a man. Some take the bait when you’re just in a pair of jeans, but others wouldn’t even notice you if you sat on their face. While, we here at The Frisky don’t advise the latter or voodoo as a solution to getting any man’s attention, we did come across a spell that will work just as well. Unleash your inner goth, light some candles, chant some poems, and hopefully you’ll bed the man of your dreams. But the spell does come with one warning: it’s just for sex and not love. No problem! [Paranormal Dimension] Keep reading »

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