Why do men watch porn? Let’s be honest. Who the hell knows. All I know is that some guys watch it, and we, as women, are left to sit around, scratching our heads, considering their reasoning. Yes, surely, ladies watch porn, too, but I tend to think the male-er sex is a little bit more pornographically-inclined than, shall we say, the fairer sex. Behold, I have delivered unto you the top 10 reasons why men watch porn. I don’t claim to have all the answers. But here are a few. Keep reading »
Asylum explores the exciting new frontier of dude overhauls in “A Day in the Life of Sexy Me — One Writer Undergoes a ‘Man Makeover’.” Before his … manakeover? … writer Alan Wieder was a hirsute, rumpled writer-type. “While I’m not unclean,” he says, “I have the overall look of an out-of-work, perhaps even indigent, humanities professor.” That is, until Asylum got a hold of him. The makeover team’s goal? Take him from Rumple-stiltskin to Authorial Hottie. What followed: a haircut, a beard trim, a brow waxing, some lip plumper, a bit of bronzer, and guyliner. The result: rocker … ish. Once back out on the streets, though, no one seemed to notice. At work, a coworker declared he looked like “a gay clown.” The ladies over at Lemondrop “pronounced the new Alan “a bit like Pete Wentz’s sad-sack uncle the family would desperately like to disown.” Ouch. So, would you rather do Alan Before or After or Never? [Asylum] Keep reading »
When Feb. 14 looms over us like the grim specter of Death itself, men react in a rational way: We do everything that we possibly can to find someone to date us as soon as possible. Regardless of whether we like, dislike, or want to kill a person, we’ll go out with her rather than spend Valentine’s Day alone.
Sure, most of us are aware that it’s a corporate holiday designed to sap money from consumer pockets into the pockets of the greeting card, flower, and pornography industries. However, its secondary function is to make a good half of society feel lonely and depressed for not joining in. Guys are hit pretty hard. Here’s how our average Valentine’s Day goes when we’re single … Keep reading »
It is not important for my girlfriend’s father to like me; we are all far too concerned in this modern age with being “liked.” There is no virtue in the pursuit of instant, superficial approval. Her father and I aren’t peers, or buddies, and we’re not dating. I’m the dude who’s nailing his little princess, and our entire relationship is based on one thing and one thing only — that I’m making his daughter happy. One of the ways a man makes his beloved happy is by meeting her dad, something no man likes to do. These meetings are like high-level diplomatic negotiations between nations, rife with courtliness, subtext, and menace. We meet the father not because we want to, but because it makes you happy. And that’s all he wants to know. Keep reading »
You know what’s nice? When you meet someone and they’re awesome and you like them and they like you and BONUS, their friends RULE. And you know what sucks? The opposite of that. When the dude you’re into has friends that are just THE WORST. Still, I’ve been known to suffer through a lot of beer guzzling with a dude’s former frat pals or a guy’s practically mute guitar-picking crew, just because I like him. But how much is a man willing to deal with when it comes to the woman he likes and that posse of gossipy bitches she calls her “best friends”? I’m lucky — I think my friends are the awesomest chicks in all of awesometown. But what if, say, my besties were made up of Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Kristen Stewart, and Heidi Montag (or, for visual purposes, the Heathers)? How would a dude deal with a woman whose friendship circle included those three for company? I went to the you-know-whos to find out. Keep reading »