This week, in response to a reader request to have the Man Panel review “something that normal people would actually wear,” I decided to get their thoughts on this fringed shawl cardigan from Forever 21. Personally, I’m a huge fan of the current blanket sweater trend, because it’s the next best thing to cutting two arm holes into your down comforter and wearing it to work (something I’ve considered on more than a few chilly mornings). But let’s see what the men had to say …
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Asylum goes deep to get the female perspective on guys beating each other up:
“Sometimes Asylum’s token girl needs a little help getting to the bottom of a weighty issue. So, she invited professional MMA fighter (and French Canadian) Georges St-Pierre to explain what women really think about fighting, MMA and sex with yourself.”
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Why do men watch porn? Let’s be honest. Who the hell knows. All I know is that some guys watch it, and we, as women, are left to sit around, scratching our heads, considering their reasoning. Yes, surely, ladies watch porn, too, but I tend to think the male-er sex is a little bit more pornographically-inclined than, shall we say, the fairer sex. Behold, I have delivered unto you the top 10 reasons why men watch porn. I don’t claim to have all the answers. But here are a few. Keep reading »
Asylum explores the exciting new frontier of dude overhauls in “A Day in the Life of Sexy Me — One Writer Undergoes a ‘Man Makeover’.” Before his … manakeover? … writer Alan Wieder was a hirsute, rumpled writer-type. “While I’m not unclean,” he says, “I have the overall look of an out-of-work, perhaps even indigent, humanities professor.” That is, until Asylum got a hold of him. The makeover team’s goal? Take him from Rumple-stiltskin to Authorial Hottie. What followed: a haircut, a beard trim, a brow waxing, some lip plumper, a bit of bronzer, and guyliner. The result: rocker … ish. Once back out on the streets, though, no one seemed to notice. At work, a coworker declared he looked like “a gay clown.” The ladies over at Lemondrop “pronounced the new Alan “a bit like Pete Wentz’s sad-sack uncle the family would desperately like to disown.” Ouch. So, would you rather do Alan Before or After or Never? [Asylum] Keep reading »
When Feb. 14 looms over us like the grim specter of Death itself, men react in a rational way: We do everything that we possibly can to find someone to date us as soon as possible. Regardless of whether we like, dislike, or want to kill a person, we’ll go out with her rather than spend Valentine’s Day alone.
Sure, most of us are aware that it’s a corporate holiday designed to sap money from consumer pockets into the pockets of the greeting card, flower, and pornography industries. However, its secondary function is to make a good half of society feel lonely and depressed for not joining in. Guys are hit pretty hard. Here’s how our average Valentine’s Day goes when we’re single … Keep reading »
It is not important for my girlfriend’s father to like me; we are all far too concerned in this modern age with being “liked.” There is no virtue in the pursuit of instant, superficial approval. Her father and I aren’t peers, or buddies, and we’re not dating. I’m the dude who’s nailing his little princess, and our entire relationship is based on one thing and one thing only — that I’m making his daughter happy. One of the ways a man makes his beloved happy is by meeting her dad, something no man likes to do. These meetings are like high-level diplomatic negotiations between nations, rife with courtliness, subtext, and menace. We meet the father not because we want to, but because it makes you happy. And that’s all he wants to know. Keep reading »
You know what’s nice? When you meet someone and they’re awesome and you like them and they like you and BONUS, their friends RULE. And you know what sucks? The opposite of that. When the dude you’re into has friends that are just THE WORST. Still, I’ve been known to suffer through a lot of beer guzzling with a dude’s former frat pals or a guy’s practically mute guitar-picking crew, just because I like him. But how much is a man willing to deal with when it comes to the woman he likes and that posse of gossipy bitches she calls her “best friends”? I’m lucky — I think my friends are the awesomest chicks in all of awesometown. But what if, say, my besties were made up of Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Kristen Stewart, and Heidi Montag (or, for visual purposes, the Heathers)? How would a dude deal with a woman whose friendship circle included those three for company? I went to the you-know-whos to find out. Keep reading »
Men look at sex the way dogs look at bacon: The object is to get as much as possible in any form or by any means before our inevitable deaths.
Some of the more inventive people in our society have come up with a variety of sex acts intended to improve the pleasure of sex. But messing around with sex is like trying to improve the taste of bacon; you can try, but, ultimately, bacon is just good. Some sex simply sounds much better on paper than it turns out to be, often leaving guys wishing they’d just gone with some basic intercourse instead.
Here’s a look at a few sex acts that guys are convinced would be awesome, but in real life turn out to be pretty disappointing. Keep reading »
There are only two reasons why I’d move in and live with another girlfriend. We’re married and determined to fill a sweatshop with our nimble-fingered love critters. Or she cracks me in the head with a shovel, sews my mouth shut, replaces my eyeballs with marbles, and sits my stuffed body in the corner. Whatever you do, don’t move in with your boyfriend. What? It’s too late? Sweet Zeus, Odin, and Quetzalcoatl, winged serpent god of the Aztecs! I hope your cohabitation doesn’t end the way two (two!) of mine did – with helicopters launching off the roof amidst tornadoes of debris and smoke, a single individual hanging off the skids, flipping the bird to the person whose name is on the lease. Keep reading »