Phew, we can all breathe a sigh of relief. This month Glamour magazine lets us know that guys are into us even if we aren’t perfect and that we don’t have to change ourselves for their benefit! Need convincing? They have seven wonderful reasons guys love us “just the way we are.” Check them out after the jump.

Can I get a show of hands for all the Sassy readers in the house? When I was in high school, getting my new issue of Sassy in the mail was the highlight of my month, and good cause to skip class so I could read every word in the park. (Sorry, mom.) So I still get a little giddy every time I see editor Christina Kelly’s byline. In this month’s issue of Vice, she’s penned an amazing piece of journalism called “Men and Urinals: An Investigation,” where she asked a bunch of dudes about their #1 behavior. After the jump, some quotes from the article that will make you wonder why guys think it’s so strange that we go to the bathroom in packs. But, seriously, go read the whole thing here.

Men fight because it feels good. It’s thrilling. Testosterone explodes and adrenaline surges. The hormonal musk kicked up by a MMA fight is potent enough to grow hair on a grapefruit. We have love of the battle in our blood. There are biological and evolutionary reasons for this. Like many male mammals, men compete for territory, food, and, most importantly, females. After all, it’s our genetic compulsion to spread our seed. Violence is part of our nature. It comes in handy when a giant, shambling mound of protein with tusks needs to be taken down. It’s a negative when … well… read the news. If I were a cynic, I’d say that war was invented to keep the surplus of men down.

This month, Marie Claire had their male dating blogger, Rich Santos, reveal 20 secrets men keep about “sex, dating, relationships, and you.” I read through them and thought, “These have to be the worst-kept secrets since Elton John was in the closet.” Seriously, most of these “secrets” read like, well, like a women’s magazine’s (or blog, natch) rant against men. After the jump, eight “secrets” men keep that will make you say, “Well, duh.”

Many women aren’t aware that just as there are emotional stages of acceptance of death, there are emotional stages of acceptance of sex. When men lose their virginity, they experience a remarkably similar set of emotions.

Here’s a look at the various stages that men go through when losing their virginity, drawing on my own terribly awkward experience.

Ladies, let your pubic hair grow. Allow it to run riot like a wild, verdant jungle. Shave not your delicate triangle of womanly power. Not all dudes demand a shorn ‘gina. I know that many do, and I apologize on behalf of those creeps. And it is creepy – I can’t help but think a lot of dudes drool over the bare look because it’s infantilizing. This might not be a conscious kink, but it’s true. I’m not so into the pre-pubescent look. In fact, I’m all about ‘70s porno bush.

Then again, when it comes to sex, I don’t demand much. That she shows up, likes me, and takes her clothes off are my biggest concerns—and that she gets my name right.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I have two mildly unfortunate tattoos. Annika just got a new tat, bringing her grand total to eight pieces of ink. The reasons for our ink could not be more different—I got mine when I was young and stupid and I totally regret them. If I could, I would go back in time and scream at myself, “Amelia, you are not Chinese! What’s with the characters?!” But Annika, on the other hand, is totally passionate about her body art and is very choosy and thoughtful in deciding what she wants to get inked on her body. Still, there are assumptions made by everyone—bosses, parents, and, yes, men—about women with tattoos. To find out what those assumptions are, I went to the guys on my IM.

If your guy lets you buy his underwear, then he thinks you’re “the one.” That’s according to a study by British retailer Debenhams, which says men, between the ages of 23 and 33, allow their partners to buy their underwear when they’re in the stable phase of their relationship. Men ages 19 to 23 tend to buy their own underwear, about 31 pairs a year, because they’re on the prowl and think new underwear is essential to finding a mate. Before the age of 19, his mom will do all the underwear shopping. So, if a guy is buying more than 31 pairs a year, he’s either still trying to impress his special lady or he realizes she’s not right for him and is looking for another girl. This could explain why my ex had difficulty settling down. He was always buying new underwear and keeping them in his drawer. [Reuters]

You can’t change the one you love. Your significant other isn’t a fixer-upper that you can repaint, renovate, and redecorate to suit your whims. Loving someone for who they could be, should be or as you see them in your dreams isn’t love: it’s self-absorption that says more about your own flaws than theirs. To totally massacre President Kennedy’s famous call to action, ask not what love can do for you, but what you can do for love.

I’ve lived with several women, and I don’t blame them for moving out as soon as they became aware of my idiosyncrasies. I don’t even blame them for leaving their cats behind, as long as they don’t blame me for giving the cats away (by opening my kitchen door and yelling at them).

Here are a few common, completely terrifying things you’ll learn about guys if you make the unfortunate decision to move in with one.

Dear Missionary Position,

You don’t get any respect. People think you’re old-fashioned, or bland or submissive. The other positions are more popular than you are. Flashy pornos feature kinkier ways to go at it, and popular magazines feature sex positions that would make a carnie contortionist reach for the Ben Gay. Some of those positions are just balancing acts for acrobatic show-offs more interested in human Jenga than sex. And then there’s Shakespeare, who called you the “beast with two backs.” Don’t worry, I don’t believe he wrote all those dull old plays himself either.

First there was the Succu Dry, a sex toy for men with a fanged orifice; and then today we introduced you to a vibrating ring that dudes can masturbate with on the go. Clearly, sex toy production is on the rise. But the most common place a dude might encounter one is with the lady he’s lovin’. So how do guys actually feel when a gal breaks out her vibrator? How often are they down for the extra help? And would they ever try a sex toy on themselves? An array of answers, after the jump…

To many women, looking stylish is a total obsession. And I don’t think you dress to kill to impress the men in your lives, because we just aren’t that picky, nor are our tastes refined enough to offer substantial critiques. I gave up watching “Project Runway” (the female equivalent of UFC) after the second season because I always backed the losing designer, without fail.  I think it’s a ladies-only horse race. Women dress up for other women. Dudes are casual spectators of your beloved sport.

When the current woman I’m dating (I know how you ladies love nicknames, so let’s just call her “the current woman I’m dating” or TCWID) dolls up, she makes me sweat like a prom date.  She looks beautiful and reminds me of a cactus flower: a colorful, delicate, powerful little bloom that a thorny, ugly world shouldn’t produce but does. And then there are the nights where she greets me at her door wearing nothing but a t-shirt, boy shorts and glasses and my heart high-fives my brain. Packaging isn’t a huge priority to men. But that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the short skirts.

I know, I know, how do you define “better,” right? But I think most people would agree that men and women tend to have different fighting “styles,” which really becomes a problem when we’re fighting with each other, especially in a romantic relationship. So, what do men think of the way their partners behave during a lover’s quarrel? Do they think women make a big deal out of nothing, or do they think we’re actually more advanced when it comes to conflict resolution? Find out, after the jump.

Men are not the masters of the subtle. We’re the sex that laughs at farts and watches Jean-Claude Van Damme movies, and we wouldn’t know subtlety if it hit us over the head with a brick (which it probably wouldn’t do, since, you know, it’s subtlety and all).

As such, many of us have problems when it comes to dealing with women. Women communicate very subtly, and guys are looking for something more along the lines of a large neon sign declaring that you’re willing to sleep with us or that you’d like to see us thrown through a plate glass window.

The prices of neon and plate glass are through the roof though. So, until we learn to communicate better, here’s a look at a few of the more subtle signals a woman might send that a guy will completely miss.

Sex is really not that complicated, and many attempts from so-called “sexperts” to “spice it up” with a variety of positions end up making things overly complex. Now, men are in no position (pun intended) to complain, and there really aren’t any sex positions that we won’t appreciate. It’s like going to the Super Bowl: We’re happy to be there; we’re not going to complain about the tickets. I’m just saying that basic sex positions are by no means boring. There’s a reason that the “odd” positions aren’t the most popular—they can sometimes be dangerous, uncomfortable or, in rare occasions, life-threatening. We’ll still love it, though.

With that being said, here’s a look at some common sex positions that men don’t necessarily appreciate in the way that sex columnists tend to indicate that we do.

Here is one of many theories I have about men: They all own and wear at least one pair of underwear that is so decrepit, so thread-barren, so holey, stained, and/or falling apart at the seams that they should have been thrown away years ago. My ex had a pair like this—they were boxer shorts and they had so many holes in the crotch that eventually they formed one giant hole, which his testicle would peek out of on those occasions when he would wear them sans pants while lounging on the couch. He had a bizarre attachment to these almost entirely disintegrated pair of boxers and I’m pretty sure he got a tiny thrill at how mortified and disgusted I was when he would wear them.  Eventually, he had to toss them when the hole got so big that the boxer shorts turned into a skirt. Since him, I’ve met other men with the same fondness for that one pair of barely-there-boxers and I have finally decided it’s time to find out WHY men hold on to them. After the jump, guys share their thoughts on why, oh why, they still have that pair of underwear.

Love him or hate him, Tucker Max is in your face. The author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, a debauched chronicling of his booze-fueled sexual hijinks which has spent the last four years on the The New York Times bestseller list and most recently been turned into a feature film, Max is the king of “fratire” and the enemy of feminist bloggers everywhere. His crude erotic tales through subterranean America are populated by midgets and strippers; generally, women do not fare well in the face of his f**k-‘em-and-dump-‘em M.O. Protesters have boycotted his movie and accused him of promoting “rape culture.” Good or bad, Tucker seems to relish the attention. In Tucker-esque fashion, one young woman bragged: “I Slept With Tucker Max, the Internet’s Biggest Asshat.” So, is Tucker Max for real? Or is he a savvy marketer plugged into what 21st century men really want? We talked to Max about his movie, his sex life, and his detractors. The recently released “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” isn’t faring well at the box office. That didn’t make him any less cocky.

Men should buy women flowers. They are colorful. They smell nice. And without them, flora would never get laid. To many, purchasing flowers is cliché or corny or tacky. And to others, it’s an outdated ritual in our modern era of gender equality. I’d like to address the men reading this (all five of you): buy the broads flowers. Trust me. And now to all the women reading, who outnumber us dudes 100 to 1: allow the douches in your life to buy you flowers. Trust me. 

I didn’t realize this, but apparently a lot of dudes are willing to do a lot—including embarrassing the crap out of themselves—in order to impress a woman. Or at least sleep with her. Find out just how far, after the jump. How willing are you to embarrass yourself to impress a guy?