Ha! You thought I was going to make a joke about stepping on a banana peel, didn’t you? But no, instead, I’ll just say that these platform heels are rather appealing. Made by Scarlet Fever Footwear, a bespoke shoe shop in London, these babies definitely look slippery.
Julie and I agree that these weird, confusing, totally real denim sandal boots most likely came into existence as the result of someone making a pair of cutoff jean shorts (or “jorts,” if you’re an asshole) and trying to find a way to use the rest of the fabric. Here, I wrote a haiku to better explain the thought process:
Just made some sweet jorts!
Now I have extra fabric…
I’ll make jandal joots!
Seriously though, why do these exist?! [Buzzfeed]
One of my favorite men’s looks is a sleek pair of high top sneakers, and don’t even get me started on my oxford boot fetish. However, thanks to Givenchy, I now know that these two awesome styles should never, ever, under any circumstances be combined. The result, as you can see, is a perplexing, fur-lined atrocity of a shoe. [Refinery 29]
Yep, you’re looking at a pair of high-heeled bowling shoes. Unfortunately they’re not recommended for actual bowling, but you can definitely wear them to make a grand entrance at the bowling alley before changing into a pair of normal, sweaty bowling shoes to roll a ball down the lane. However your game pans out, you’ll get a perfect score for glamour. [Laughing Squid]
Have you always wanted to be featured in one of those “20/20″ specials about people whose shoelaces got caught in an escalator and narrowly escaped death thanks to the heroic act of a mall janitor? Well, today’s your lucky day! These double lace-up booties will double your chances of scoring an emotional interview with John Quiñones. [$256, Endless]
Isn’t it annoying to have to carry a purse when you go out dancing or break into the Russian embassy to interrogate a high level government official? Don’t worry–a company called Bellona Fashions has come up with a clever–and stylish!–solution for you: double agent shoes. Yep, the wedge heel of these sandals contains a secret compartment where you can store your credit card, keys, tampons, lipstick, and various ninja weapons. They’re certainly not cheap–prices range from $145 to $295–but hey, you’ll never have to buy another evening bag! Click through to see more double agent shoe styles, and tell us: would you wear them? [Laughing Squid]