In what may be the best police report of all time, Pennsylvania State Police Trooper Brad Jordan attempted to describe an incident which transpired on an Armstrong County Township school bus. His exceptionally penned report read:
“Both the victim and the accused were riding school bus. The accused expelled wind from the vulva during coitus while at the back of the bus. The victim began to laugh and chuckled at the accused for her actions. The accused approached the victim and elbowed him in the testicles. Accused was cited for harassment.”
Let me translate for you: An unidentified 18-year-old girl was having sex (hopefully with a boy of legal age) in the back of the school bus, when she queefed very loudly. A 13-year-old goon riding the bus started giggling at the queef (can you blame him?) and the the girl elbowed him in the balls.
The tragic part: She’s 18 and still has to ride the bus. The even more tragic part: She will forever be known as the school bus queefer. [Liberty Unyielding]
People who are terrified of bees, or the thought of human beings having sexual intercourse with bees, or the thought of dying, please be forewarned that you may find what I am about to tell you highly disturbing. A 35-year-old Swedish man known as “Hasse” was found dead outside of his farm this week in Ystad after having sex with a hornets’ nest. Let that sink in for a moment. Sex with bees. SOMEONE WANTED TO FUCK A SWARM OF HORNETS.
Hasse’s bloated corpse had a total of 146 wasp stings, including 54 on his penis and balls. At this point you might be thinking to yourself, OK. So this guy got stung to death. That’s awful. It happened Macaulay Culkin in “My Girl” and I bawled my face off. But how did they know Hasse died specifically from having sex with a hornets’ nest? Oh, because they found Hasse’s semen on some of the dead wasps and his pubic hair in their nest. Keep reading »
After an accident left 43-year-old Rafe Biggs a quadriplegic, he found a new way to experience sexual pleasure. About a year after becoming paralyzed, Rafe discovered that he has a “surrogate penis”… on his hand when he was able to have an orgasm by having his girlfriend suck his thumb.
“I felt this build-up of energies and felt I was getting closer and closer to orgasm … When I did it was one wave of pleasure after another – it was amazing. I never thought it would be possible, but massaging and sucking on my thumb, feels a lot like my penis used to feel – it’s really hot,” said Rafe.
Doctors call this a “transfer orgasm,” when another body part gives the same sensation as the genitals. I call that un-fucking-believable. Good for Rafe and his penis thumb. [IB Times]
Click onward for more of the craziest orgasm stories.
While a slew of young women (and one sex doll) are eager to auction off their virginities to the highest bidder, there are others who are holding on to their V-cards for dear life. Some even into their golden years and beyond. We honor them, these chaste few who are (mostly) proud to call themselves the world’s oldest virgins.
We’re not followers of Ke$ha’s music, but after hearing about the inspiration for her latest song, “Supernatural,” we’re, well, haunted. “It’s about experiences with the supernatural… but in a sexy way,” she told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show. “I had a couple of experiences with the supernatural. I don’t know his name! He was a ghost! I’m very open to it.” [Huffington Post]
Listen, we’re not totally opposed to concept of their being an afterlife and that some spirits walk amongst us. But we don’t know that we’d be game to get frisky with one either. Doesn’t seem very … intimate. But maybe we’re wrong. After all, Ke$ha is not the only person to have had some sort of sexual encounter with someone or something not quite … human. Read on for more sexual encounters of the third kind…
Human prostitutes could be a thing of the past by 2050, as more and more robots get pimped into prostitution.
That’s the future envisioned by Michelle Mars and Ian Yeoman at Victoria University of Wellington, who have released a report suggesting that lifelike robots will be coming to a brothel near you.
Mars and Yeoman see lots of advantages to having “hoe-bots” doing the dirty work instead of humans, such as “commercial sex robots would be free of disease and would reduce the trafficking of real people,” they told The Week. Read more…