I know as well as anyone that nothing stands between a woman and her wine, and in the case of Florida’s Desiree J. Taylor, that includes pants. The 35-year-old woman was caught on a surveillance camera meandering around a Publix supermarket in Ocala in just a T-shirt and a pair of slippers, listening to music on her tablet, and then waltzing out of the store with a stolen case of boxed wine under her arm. She was arrested yesterday morning on charges of disorderly conduct, resisting a merchant and petty theft, police said. I’m guessing they decided not to charge her with indecent exposure on account of the fact that she at least paired her pantlessness with a T-shirt that came down to the tops of her thighs. Let this be a lesson, criminals — if you’re going to go pantless, make sure you’re at least wearing a top that could pass for a mini dress. [Crime Feed]
Shockingly enough, pantless crimes are really quite common. It seems like every other week I read a story about the police picking up a perp who forgot to put his or her pants on before committing some nefarious deed. Way to be discreet! Here are just eight mostly recent examples of criminals who drew even more attention to their illegal activity by breaking the law pantless…
Sixteen suspects described as “kids of means” have been arrested after a wild party in a wealthy Los Angeles suburb where a $7 million mansion was trashed and partygoers made off with a bizarre assortment of loot—including a mounted snow leopard valued at $250,000. Read more on Newser …
Meet Christopher Lynn Jackson, an Arizona man who, according to court documents, allegedly branded his initials on his girlfriend’s “vaginal area,” because, he told her, “her vagina was his.”
The incident took place back in May but Jackson’s now ex girlfriend only came forward this week. According to her, Jackson took her to a baseball game and then wanted to go dancing afterwards. She refused because she was tired, so Jackson gave her what he called “energy pills,” but instead of waking her up, she ended up passing out. When she woke up, she felt serious pain in her vaginal area and looked down to see a C and J branded there. Jackson was nearby with branding equipment and a butane torch. A search warrant further confirmed the woman’s allegations and Jackson was arrested for felony aggravated assault. Jackson has allegedly since bragged about branding other previous girlfriends.
And you thought your boyfriend was being an asshole. Put this guy awaaaaay. [Gawker]
You can pretend to have read Thomas Pynchon. You can pretend you really love cigars. But you cannot and should not ever pretend to be a dentist. Yet, that’s exactly what Luz Angela Rios-Ossa did. Rios-Ossa was arrested by the Fort Lauderdale, Florida — sigh — police for operating a dental office without a license.
Police confiscated a dental chair and tools Rios-Ossa used to examine patients. Her neighbor, Yami Rivera, who actually works at a real licensed dental office, noted,”It’s life-threatening, actually. Yeah, you can catch an infection and die. If you’re not legally a dentist, that’s serious.” Uh huh, you don’t say.
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The next time you head down to Tampa or Gainsville, keep this in mind: You do not want to mess with a Florida woman’s food or alcohol supply. Case in point, 51-year-old Kari Dangler, of Monroe County, Florida, pulled a handgun on her roommate after her vodka bottle went missing. Dangler’s male roommate hid the bottle of vodka from her, presumably because she was drunk (and prone to brandishing weapons in her inebriated state). When cops confronted her about the incident, she claimed she had only taken out the gun to clean it. Uh huh. She was charged with aggravated assault. But she’s not the only Florida woman to freak over her food or drink… Keep reading »
Thank you to Tiana Nicole Calandro of Delray Beach, Florida (yay!), for the arrest excuse of the day. When she was pulled over for speeding, police saw something protruding from her T-shirt pocket and asked what it was. “It’s my nipple,” Calandro responded.
“I advised her I knew what a nipple looked like and that wasn’t a nipple,” the officer wrote in his report. You’d think that would have made her fess up, but no. Calandro swallowed the pill, which turned out to be Dilaudid. The officer tried to get her to spit it out, but that didn’t work either. And that’s how one’s “nipple” can land them in jail with possession charges. [NJ]
Keying penises into the hoods or doors of automobiles is usually the sort of thing a jilted lover does. But not Natasha Myers, of Wesley Chapel, Florida. Natasha (pictured) is an all-purpose dick artist, willing to dick up your car for minor traffic violations, if need be.
Angered over a motorist who refused to yield to pedestrians, Myers tracked down the offending driver’s SUV. Security cameras caught her walking into a nearby supermarket and coming out with a Post-It note. She scribbled out a note and affixed it to the SUV’s windshield. Keep reading »
Port Charlotte, Florida, woman Shirley Ann Duncan received a sentence of three years probation for faking the deaths of her four sons in order to receive financial aid from her local church. Duncan claimed that three of her sons had been killed in action in the Middle East, while a fourth was on the brink of death. She even went so far as to hold a memorial service for her “dead” children, using pictures of soldiers pulled off the Internet to stand in for her fake sons.
Eventually, the fourth child “died” too, and another benefit was held for her. Keep reading »
Sometimes, when I’m deciding what to eat (or what not to eat) for lunch, I cruise for the latest food news for ideas. Last week, I told you about an uproar over lion tacos. Today, I stumbled upon some really strange food crimes. After the jump, a meat-on-meat masturbation mishap and a pickle attack! It’s all so phallic. Keep reading »
Did you guys see this crazy picture of rabid Miami Heat fan Filomena “Phyllis” Tobias flipping off Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah? It’s pretty crazy, right? Well not nearly as crazy as Phyllis’s back story. See, in 2008, she was accused of murdering her husband.
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