I’ll be honest, I happen to think that if you’re going to steal a vibrator from a Spencer’s in South Carolina, hiding the sex toy behind a baby sitting in a stroller is a pretty good plan. I mean, there’s a solid chance that when the alarm goes off as you try and exit the store, the manager may check your bag and pockets, but disturb little Jimmy as he slumbers in his stroller? Maybe not! Unfortunately for Misty Ann Lee (who was obviously born to be a vibrator thief with a name like that), the manager at this particular Spencer’s saw the eager-to-masturbate mom slip the sex toy into the stroller and was not having any of her B.S. denials. Keep reading »
Remember that couple caught doing the nasty behind a dumpster outside a Delaware Dunkin’ Donuts? Well, there must be something in the air in that neighborhood, because yet another couple has been spotted boning on the rooftop of a Chipotle two blocks away. And people say Paris is the most romantic city in the world! Keep reading »
From what I understand, one of the things that many yoga practitioners like about the practice is that it can be done by anyone at anytime. But I think we can all agree that one yogi took that a little too literally when she decided to strip down to her skivvies and started doing yoga poses on a Ocala, Florida (duh), roadway. Michele Cernak, 51, was charged with multiple drug counts after police responded to 911 calls alerting them to a nearly nude woman doing downward dog in the middle of the street. When the cops arrived, they found heroin, a syringes, hydrocodone pills and a crack pipe in Cernak’s still-running car nearby, and she admitted that she had injected herself with heroin. While Cernak looks blissed out in her mugshot, you know what I imagine is not good for your qi, no matter how much naked outdoor yoga you do? Opiates. [NY Daily News]
Vaginas are not meant to be storage units. They are not meant to be purses. They are not meant to be secret hiding places. You are not supposed to put unsterilized foreign objects in them. Most of us understand these rules. But apparently Jennifer Renee Crosby of Wabasso, Florida (OBVIOUSLY), did not get the memo. Crosby was arrested for possession of crack cocaine which she had hidden inside her, you guessed it, vagina. Crosby was a passenger in a vehicle that pulled over during a routine traffic stop and when the police officers discovered the driver did not have a license, both were asked to get out of the vehicle. Crosby was visibly shaking, which alerted the cops to suspect something was amiss, and sure enough, Crosby spilled the beans.
“I have drugs inside my vagina,” she confessed. They asked her to remove the drugs, which apparently caused Crosby some discomfort. “Ouch,” she said, removing a foil-wrapped packet of crack cocaine worth $100. “The foil is hurting the inside of my vagina.” I suppose if you’re going to shove crack in your vag, it’s wise to wrap it in something, but now we all know foil is not ideal. [The Smoking Gun]
Crosby is not alone. Some women cannot be stopped from violating the terms and conditions of their vaginas. If you dare, click through to see the weirdest things women have stashed in their kitties, the poor things.
PAFU, in case you forgot, is a term coined by our dear Ami Angelowicz, which stands for “People Are Fucked Up.”
Mark Pickford, 41, from Manchester, England, has been cleared in the death of his cousin, Dawn Warburton, in what authorities believe was a “sex game gone wrong.” Yes, a sex game between cousins. Police found Pickford in Warburton’s bed in April 2013, the sheets covered in blood and her body hanging above him, her neck tied several times with his own rope, with over 30 injuries to her face and arms. Pickford claimed to remember nothing about what happened to his cousin, but did admit to having a sexual relationship with her that usually was instigated by the two of them drinking and doing drugs together. Keep reading »
Kids say the darndest things — including the truth when you least expect it. Four year-old Abby Dean from Washington, Wisconsin, was chillin’ at home with her 17-year-old babysitter, when two men broke in the house and stole the family’s iPod, Xbox and Wii consoles. When the police arrived, the babysitter told officers that two armed Black men had broken into the house and stole the goods, and that one of the men look a lot like the Dean family’s next door neighbor. Based on this info, the police picked up neighbor Cody Oaks, who denied having anything to do with the crime. The first person to corroborate his story? Little Abby, who told police that despite what her babysitter said, Oaks wasn’t the right skin color — the robbers had been white not Black. Keep reading »
Having your house broken into is hardly what anyone would consider a “fairytale,” but when the burglar in question falls asleep on your couch after taking a shower, changing into your clothes and eating your food, it sounds an awful lot like one fairytale in particular. Meet Chancy Layton, 19, Florida’s (where else?) own real-life Goldilocks! Layton broke into a home in St. Augustine late last week, after being told by a friend that the house would be empty, and set about making herself comfortable.
Too comfortable Keep reading »
Never change, Florida, never change. Meet Nichole Ann Reed, a 30-year-old Juggalo (whose Facebook says her most recent job was “eating them” at “The Dark Carnival”) who was recently busted by security for stealing seven frozen lobster tails from a Publix supermarket in DeLand. (Remember, sticky-fingered Floridians, Publix has security cameras.) Security footage showed Reed stuffing the tails down her pants and police picked her up a few hours later. And get this: she wasn’t even planning on eating them! Reed told police that she was either going to trade the lobster tails with a friend in exchange for a Chinese buffet lunch or the opiate Dilaudid. Tough decision, truly — and one she won’t have to make now that she’s in the clink. [Crime Feed]
I don’t know much about drug trafficking, but it seems like a no brainer that checking three suitcases packed with a total of 80 lbs. of marijuana is a great way to get caught. Maybe 26-year-old Anastasia Murdock was stoned when she came up with her grand plan to transport the weed from Oakland, California, to Jackson, Mississippi, last week. It didn’t take airport authorities long to realize Murdock’s luggage was stuffed with $100,000 worth of vacuum-sealed greenery and she was immediately arrested on suspicion of of possessing marijuana for sale and intent to sell. Ya think? She’s being held on $250,000 bail and will be arraigned tomorrow. I have two questions: 1) Can they consider a third charge for being a total dumbass? And 2) what did the police do with all that weed? [San Jose Mercury News]
Our own Winona is from a town in Oregon called Beaverton. You know who else is from Beaverton? These three ladies, Brittany Medak, 20, Christie Valazquez Coura, 20, and Leokham Yothsombath, 22, who celebrated paying off a fine at municipal court by throwing an impromptu twerking party in the City Hall parking lot. But this was no innocent affair; after doing some drugs — “molly cut with meth,” according to a post on Yothsombath’s Facebook page — the three twerked some more and then peed between and on a few cars in full public view while a friend filmed. The three were promptly arrested after police were called and a search of their vehicle unearthed cocaine, marijuana and methamphetamine (Yothsombath still insists this was molly, aka MDMA, cut with meth, but I don’t think it really matters). They were arrested and booked on multiple charges including drug possession, disorderly conduct and tampering with drug records. In other words, these three are in much bigger trouble now than they were for whatever brought them to court in the first place. The question is, in the event they beat the charges, how will they celebrate? By blowing eight balls and shitting on someone’s hood? [Crime Feed]