There are still two and a half more days left in 2014, which is plenty of time to pull some sort of stunt and earn a spot on the Most Amazing Criminals of the Year list. And lookie here, Marisol Toribio of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, has come in just under the wire by shoplifting at a local Macy’s just before Christmas. But it’s not the five-finger discount itself that makes her such a noteworthy lawbreaker. No, it’s the shit smeared all over those five fingers that makes her one-of-a-kind. Keep reading »
As a human being, this news story repulses me. As a dog owner who thinks of Lucca as my child, it sends a murderous rage pump through my veins. Police say Ryan Eddy Watenpaugh, 34, of Palo Cedro, California, killed his ex-girlfriend’s dog and fed it to her, the last disgusting act in a string of abusive and stalking behavior. I’m just gonna copy and paste The Sacramento Bee‘s summation of the crime because I cannot handle typing it in my own words: Keep reading »
I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. It was NOT me. I may be a cuddle monster, but I’m only interested in getting them consensually. The same can’t be said for Dawn Cole, 49, of Sparta, Wisconsin, who broke into an unidentified man’s home because she was that desperate to spoon. Keep reading »
Meet Brandy Allen, Fayetteville, Arkansas resident and eye makeup enthusiast. Allen was arrested on Monday after she was spotted swiping eyeshadow from an ULTA beauty store. While her friend attempted to distract store employees with
Tammy Faye Baker eye makeup tutorials lively conversation, Allen shoved as much eyeshadow into her purse without even checking the labels. An employee noticed and called the police. Allen denied stealing anything and when a search of her purse turned up the $144 worth of eyeshadow, Allen tried to play it off like it was used, breaking some of the shadows and smearing the packaging. Police weren’t buying it, obviously. No word on whether Allen did her eye makeup special for her first mugshot, or if this is just her usual daytime look. [CrimeFeed]
Passing gas is a natural, normal and completely uncontrollable bodily function. So how is it that so many people are arrested in fart-related incidents? Think I’m talking out of my ass? Hardly! Better open a window — here are 10 times the police were called in because someone had the nerve to break wind…
Well, this stinks. Jessica Annette Cerney was minding her own business, laying on the couch at home in Myrtle Beach, when Darrell Ray McKnight — presumably a friend or acquaintance of Cerney’s who, according to the police report, “routinely” sleeps on the front porch — wandered inside and “passed gas” in Cerney’s face. Cerney bolted outside (that bad?) and McKnight followed her. The pair got into a tussle, with McKnight approaching Cerney in a “threatening manner,” and Cerney punched McKnight in the face three times. Police were called, McKnight was sent to the hospital to be treated for a swollen eye, and both he and Cerney face charges for disorderly conduct.
See, this is why you have to be mindful about where and when you fart, because you could get hurt. My grandmother — RIP Colleen Parry! — was always very cautious, and would back her butt into the corner of a room to “toot.” If only everyone was as respectful. [Death and Taxes]