Passing gas is a natural, normal and completely uncontrollable bodily function. So how is it that so many people are arrested in fart-related incidents? Think I’m talking out of my ass? Hardly! Better open a window — here are 10 times the police were called in because someone had the nerve to break wind…
Well, this stinks. Jessica Annette Cerney was minding her own business, laying on the couch at home in Myrtle Beach, when Darrell Ray McKnight — presumably a friend or acquaintance of Cerney’s who, according to the police report, “routinely” sleeps on the front porch — wandered inside and “passed gas” in Cerney’s face. Cerney bolted outside (that bad?) and McKnight followed her. The pair got into a tussle, with McKnight approaching Cerney in a “threatening manner,” and Cerney punched McKnight in the face three times. Police were called, McKnight was sent to the hospital to be treated for a swollen eye, and both he and Cerney face charges for disorderly conduct.
See, this is why you have to be mindful about where and when you fart, because you could get hurt. My grandmother — RIP Colleen Parry! — was always very cautious, and would back her butt into the corner of a room to “toot.” If only everyone was as respectful. [Death and Taxes]
I’ll be honest, I happen to think that if you’re going to steal a vibrator from a Spencer’s in South Carolina, hiding the sex toy behind a baby sitting in a stroller is a pretty good plan. I mean, there’s a solid chance that when the alarm goes off as you try and exit the store, the manager may check your bag and pockets, but disturb little Jimmy as he slumbers in his stroller? Maybe not! Unfortunately for Misty Ann Lee (who was obviously born to be a vibrator thief with a name like that), the manager at this particular Spencer’s saw the eager-to-masturbate mom slip the sex toy into the stroller and was not having any of her B.S. denials. Keep reading »
Remember that couple caught doing the nasty behind a dumpster outside a Delaware Dunkin’ Donuts? Well, there must be something in the air in that neighborhood, because yet another couple has been spotted boning on the rooftop of a Chipotle two blocks away. And people say Paris is the most romantic city in the world! Keep reading »
From what I understand, one of the things that many yoga practitioners like about the practice is that it can be done by anyone at anytime. But I think we can all agree that one yogi took that a little too literally when she decided to strip down to her skivvies and started doing yoga poses on a Ocala, Florida (duh), roadway. Michele Cernak, 51, was charged with multiple drug counts after police responded to 911 calls alerting them to a nearly nude woman doing downward dog in the middle of the street. When the cops arrived, they found heroin, a syringes, hydrocodone pills and a crack pipe in Cernak’s still-running car nearby, and she admitted that she had injected herself with heroin. While Cernak looks blissed out in her mugshot, you know what I imagine is not good for your qi, no matter how much naked outdoor yoga you do? Opiates. [NY Daily News]
Vaginas are not meant to be storage units. They are not meant to be purses. They are not meant to be secret hiding places. You are not supposed to put unsterilized foreign objects in them. Most of us understand these rules. But apparently Jennifer Renee Crosby of Wabasso, Florida (OBVIOUSLY), did not get the memo. Crosby was arrested for possession of crack cocaine which she had hidden inside her, you guessed it, vagina. Crosby was a passenger in a vehicle that pulled over during a routine traffic stop and when the police officers discovered the driver did not have a license, both were asked to get out of the vehicle. Crosby was visibly shaking, which alerted the cops to suspect something was amiss, and sure enough, Crosby spilled the beans.
“I have drugs inside my vagina,” she confessed. They asked her to remove the drugs, which apparently caused Crosby some discomfort. “Ouch,” she said, removing a foil-wrapped packet of crack cocaine worth $100. “The foil is hurting the inside of my vagina.” I suppose if you’re going to shove crack in your vag, it’s wise to wrap it in something, but now we all know foil is not ideal. [The Smoking Gun]
Crosby is not alone. Some women cannot be stopped from violating the terms and conditions of their vaginas. If you dare, click through to see the weirdest things women have stashed in their kitties, the poor things.