Tag Archives: wedding

Hitched: My Maid Of Honor Hates Weddings

Inviting Strangers
Why does Andrea have to invite complete strangers to her wedding? Read More »

When Patrick and I got drunk at the lake and decided to get married, we announced it to our friends a couple days later like the classy, plugged-in media power couple we are: via mass text message. Exclamation points. That kind of thing.

The congratulations came flooding in. A couple folks even called. It made me feel like the most important person doing something totally boring and normal in the whole wide world.

But the response I was really worried about getting, and the response that kept me glancing at my phone for validation, was one from my best ladyfriend Susan. I didn’t know what to expect, because I knew Susan hated weddings and wedding-related culture and generally always has a shitty time at weddings. How would she react to me, her best friend, shoving her into the center of a swirling, twirling wedding maelstrom?

“Awwww!” she exclaimed. “Awwww!” Keep reading »

Hitched: Why Do I Have To Invite Strangers To My Wedding?

I took dance class for years as a kid. I loved being up on stage, dancing my ass off in front of an auditorium full of strangers. As an adult, I performed stand-up comedy. Loved it. Loved making a bunch of people I’d never met laugh.

But performing my latest dance routine in the living room in front of my parents? A circle of hell I didn’t like to think about, even as a kindergardener. Telling my parents about some jokes I’m working on for a stand-up show? A circle of hell that doesn’t actually exist, because it is so bad that the devil is, like, “No, seriously, Andrea, nothing you could ever do would cause you to deserve this.” Keep reading »

It’s A Nice Day For A White Castle Wedding

Wedding Planning Sucks
Andrea started having emotional breakdowns a month into planning. Read More »
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Weddings in stuffy ballrooms with fancy buffets are overrated. Clinton and Rosemary knew that their wedding should be all about their love for each other … and for mini-sliders. That’s why they exchanged vows at their local White Castle in Louisville. Incidentally, Rosemary’s parents had their first date there, so it’s kind of like a family tradition. Fast food romance at its finest. [Buzzfeed]

“Mobbed” Thinks This Is Romance?

Proposal Denied!
A guy proposes on "Ellen" -- only to be shot down. Watch »
Terrible Proposals
These are proposals we would have said 'no' to. Read More »
Wedding Planning Sucks
Andrea started having emotional breakdowns a month into planning. Read More »
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According to the Howie Mandel-helmed show “Mobbed,” women just love elaborately choreographed proposals, involving hundreds of singers and dancers, and complex ruses. This particular proposal, though, doesn’t strike me as romantic–AT ALL. Nope. It just seems incredibly emotionally manipulative and messed up. Watch, as this poor woman thinks her boyfriend’s been cheating on her, and then is assaulted by a seemingly endless musical number. Geez. Pretty screwed up if you ask me. [FashionIndie]

Hitched: Wedding Porn Burnout

Wedding Planning Sucks
Andrea started having emotional breakdowns a month into planning. Read More »

Yes, your wedding was adorable. Look at your adorable mason jar center pieces! And your adorable balloons and/or adorable take on adorable flower alternatives! And your adorable color palette! And your adorable adaptation of an adorable song!

Oh look, an adorable reference to an adorable pop culture institution, adorably personalized to suit your adorable relationship with an adorable person. Look how you adorably side-stepped tradition with an adorable and unique adorable thing that looks like all the other unique adorable things I have been looking at non-stop for months on adorable wedding blogs and ugh.

I am so tired of adorable shit. Adorable shit is making me hate my own adorable shit, and if I had to pick some favorite adorable shit, it would be my own. Keep reading »

Hitched: Wedding Planning Is The Worst

Engaged Without A Ring
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Andrea's engagement didn't involve a giant rock. Read More »

I started having emotional breakdowns about a month into wedding planning. Sweaty palms, heart racing, knees weak, teary eyes, total immobilization. I would find myself staring at a web page filled with tiki torches or green bridesmaid dresses or centerpiece ideas, and I would just stop dead in my wedding tracks.

It became the worst when Patrick would ask me for ideas or advice. Two questions in a row about the wedding and I’d be a shaky, sweaty mess. All of a sudden, my mind was deluged with worst-case scenarios and paralyzing fear of judgment from others. How do you plan a party everyone has already been to before, but also make it the paragon of amazing loveness that super-embodies the perfect lovey-face of your wonderful and unique relationship?

Moreover, will our venue let us put party lights up and what if we don’t have party lights and we trigger Armageddon right then and there?!

Wedding planning is the worst Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Maybe I’m Not Bridesmaid Material

Bachelorette Party
One writer talks about how a bachelorette weekend made her question the practice. Read More »
Bridesmaid =Expensive
Being a bridesmaid drained this woman's bank account. Read More »

“So, this is awkward,” said the email from my friend, the bride. “But I’ve decided to keep my bridesmaids to just really close friends.”

She had three bridesmaids. I was the third. Apparently, she only had two really close friends, and I was not one of them.

“Wait,” I wrote back. “Why?”

“I don’t really feel like I need to explain myself to you,” she replied.

Oh. Keep reading »

Hitched: Getting Engaged Without A Ring

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Wedding Body Project
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Andrea on the expectation that all brides-to-be want to lose weight. Read More »

When you get drunk with your boyfriend at the lake and decide to get engaged while under the influence of a decent-sized bottle of Jim Beam, you don’t exactly get the whole kneel-down, velvet-box proposal. No, what you get is peeling your face off a mattress the next morning and wondering where your pants are and oh my God, donde tacos?, and oh yeah, forever love.

But I’m of the School of Functional Alcoholic Thought that subscribes to the idea that alcohol just lubes you up for stuff you really want to do in your secret heart, rather than forces you to do things you’d rather not. So not only do I not regret our engagement story, I think it’s true to who Patrick and I are (enthusiastic boozers) and what kind of relationship we have (the kind where we do s**t the way we like to do it.)

The drunkgagement is also a good way to end up being engaged without a ring, because who just goes around getting wasted with diamonds in their pockets? I mean, besides fancy people, obviously.  Keep reading »

You Can Still Buy Kim Kardashian A Wedding Gift!

Kim's Wedding Bounty
kim kardashian divorce photo
What Kim should do with the $17.9 million she earned. Read More »
Kim's Dating Timeline
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From Ray J to Reggie Bush to hubby Kris Humprhies. Read More »

I know, I know! You were thinking: “What do I get for the bride who got $17 million to get married and who announced she’s getting divorced only 72 days after the wedding?” Well, luckily Kris Humphries’ and Kim Kardashian’s wedding registry still has quite a few items left on it, worth around $172,000. If we all chip in, maybe we can get her a crockpot? After the jump, some of the more ridiculous items still left on her list. Keep reading »

Hitched: The Wedding Dress Body Project

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What's In A Name?
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Why there's no way in hell Andrea Grimes will change her name. Read More »

Wedding dress shopping. Here’s what happens to me: I walk into a bridal salon and tell the nice maternal saleswoman that I want a tea-length gown with no flowery accents. I am ushered into a dressing room where I am told that they have one tea length gown, it is covered in flowers, and did I want to try on, say, this $1,500 satin gown with a 14-foot train? For funsies? Repeat nine times. Nine. Nine.

“This is your one chance to be a princess!” one saleswoman told me. When I explained to her that my “princess” vision actually, like, seriously really did include a tea-length dress and she was just going to have to see if she could manage to wrap her mind around that, this total stranger looked at me like I had just shot her kitten point-blank in the face in the middle of the dress shop.

So, I went to the custom dressmaker. I told her what I wanted. She said she could totally do that, but she wouldn’t start the dress until next year, even though we’re getting married in April. Why?

“So you have time to get your weight where you want it.” Keep reading »