Yes, your wedding was adorable. Look at your adorable mason jar center pieces! And your adorable balloons and/or adorable take on adorable flower alternatives! And your adorable color palette! And your adorable adaptation of an adorable song!
Oh look, an adorable reference to an adorable pop culture institution, adorably personalized to suit your adorable relationship with an adorable person. Look how you adorably side-stepped tradition with an adorable and unique adorable thing that looks like all the other unique adorable things I have been looking at non-stop for months on adorable wedding blogs and ugh.
I am so tired of adorable shit. Adorable shit is making me hate my own adorable shit, and if I had to pick some favorite adorable shit, it would be my own. Keep reading »
I started having emotional breakdowns about a month into wedding planning. Sweaty palms, heart racing, knees weak, teary eyes, total immobilization. I would find myself staring at a web page filled with tiki torches or green bridesmaid dresses or centerpiece ideas, and I would just stop dead in my wedding tracks.
It became the worst when Patrick would ask me for ideas or advice. Two questions in a row about the wedding and I’d be a shaky, sweaty mess. All of a sudden, my mind was deluged with worst-case scenarios and paralyzing fear of judgment from others. How do you plan a party everyone has already been to before, but also make it the paragon of amazing loveness that super-embodies the perfect lovey-face of your wonderful and unique relationship?
Moreover, will our venue let us put party lights up and what if we don’t have party lights and we trigger Armageddon right then and there?!
Wedding planning is the worst. Keep reading »
“So, this is awkward,” said the email from my friend, the bride. “But I’ve decided to keep my bridesmaids to just really close friends.”
She had three bridesmaids. I was the third. Apparently, she only had two really close friends, and I was not one of them.
“Wait,” I wrote back. “Why?”
“I don’t really feel like I need to explain myself to you,” she replied.
Oh. Keep reading »
Kim Kardashian’s divorce – after she donned three $25,000 white Vera Wang wedding gowns (at the wedding and on the covers of People and Us Weekly) –might explain why the famous designer announced a new line of ebony wedding dresses. I beat Wang’s hot trend years ago when this bride wore noir. It was the perfect shade for my late night Soho reception where my husband’s dad – a judge – officiated. I also picked the morbid marriage palette before “Sex in the City” actress Sarah Jessica Parker wore black to wed her real groom Matthew Broderick a year after me. Parker later told Harper’s Bazaar she felt like a bad bridal role model, and if she had it to do over, “I would white it up. I’d wear a beautiful, proper wedding dress, like I should have worn that day.” Keep reading »
Kim Kardashian is getting hitched this weekend, and her family isn’t telling us too much about how things we’ll be going down. Mom Kris Jenner tells us that Kim is cool as a cucumber. Luckily, Khloe Kardashian let a little more slip. She divulged that (gasp!) Kim’s bridesmaids will be wearing (ZOMG!) green. Now, I love green—all shades, from mint to kelly to hunter. But I do think it’s a slightly strange color to pick for bridesmaid dresses because the first thing that will pop into the guests’ minds when they see them will be “green with envy.” And who wants their bridesmaids to be envious? [People]
This got me thinking—do different bridesmaid dress colors send subtle subliminal messages to guests? Obviously. After the jump, our taxonomy of what different bridesmaid dress colors say about you. Keep reading »
One thing I learned before I got married is that nobody loves to talk about weddings more than women who just got married. They’ll grab on to any socially acceptable opportunity to relive their experiences. Now, I’m one of those women who’s full of tips on how to get through your wedding day. One day, maybe you can pass a few of these dos and don’ts on to the next girl when you go to blab about your wedding. Keep reading »