When the invitation to my college roommate’s wedding arrived, the envelope read “and Guest.” My heart sped up. I’ve fantasized about having a plus one to introduce to my friend crew, bringing a contributor to the circle of lifted pant legs during “Billy Jean,” which my friends’ significant others’ have made their own little wedding ritual.
As a single twentysomething, I’ve witnessed a half dozen friends tie the knot over the last few years. I’ve engaged enthusiastically in the traditional donning of the color-coordinated bridesmaid dresses (thankfully not-so-bad ones), I’ve paraded through crowded bars in penis paraphernalia, and I’ve constructed gaudy hats from the bows and ribbons topping mounds of bridal shower gifts. If there’s one thing I learned as sidekick to brides-to-be, it’s that practicality has begun to trump tradition in the wedding planning process. Just as couples agree to meet for photographs before the ceremony in order to attend their own cocktail hour, tight budgets often lead to unattached guests, like myself, receiving invites sans a plus one. Keep reading »
I was browsing a cheese-themed Pinterest page the other day when I happened upon an intriguing trend: the cheeseboard wedding cake. It seems that some brides are opting for an elegant tiered cheese selection in addition to–or in lieu of–a traditional wedding cake. Julie finds this idea completely repulsive, but since my significant other is a cheesemonger, I must say I’m pretty intrigued. Maybe it’s because I know firsthand that there’s nothing more romantic than a big ol’ hunk of brie? [Newport Weddings]
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, which makes us think of romance, relationships and engagements — and the sparkly glare of a diamond engagement ring. Yes, diamonds are pretty, precious, and these days, cost a zillion dollars. But it wasn’t always so — and you can thank a concerted effort on the part of diamond mines, the advertising industry and Hollywood for mercilessly inflating the price of these glittery gems. Here’s how a stone with little intrinsic value became the most important gem in the world.
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There were a lot of things I knew I’d have to think about when we decided to get married. I don’t just mean the lofty “What is marriage for?” questions. I mean the practical questions about the ceremony and party. What I’d be wearing underneath my dress for the big day wasn’t, however, one of the things on my mind.
That is until I watched an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” in which a former beauty queen is lectured by her father about not wearing a thong to her dress fitting. “Thong” is not a word I would ever want to hear come out of my own father’s mouth, but I guess if that’s their relationship, who am I to judge? Prior to that, however, I wasn’t privy to the entire world that is bridal undergarments — a world wherein you’re not just expected to wear something stain-free and seamless, but sexy too. Indeed, “bridal underwear” is its own species in the genus of undergarments. Keep reading »
Yes, your wedding was adorable. Look at your adorable mason jar center pieces! And your adorable balloons and/or adorable take on adorable flower alternatives! And your adorable color palette! And your adorable adaptation of an adorable song!
Oh look, an adorable reference to an adorable pop culture institution, adorably personalized to suit your adorable relationship with an adorable person. Look how you adorably side-stepped tradition with an adorable and unique adorable thing that looks like all the other unique adorable things I have been looking at non-stop for months on adorable wedding blogs and ugh.
I am so tired of adorable shit. Adorable shit is making me hate my own adorable shit, and if I had to pick some favorite adorable shit, it would be my own. Keep reading »
I started having emotional breakdowns about a month into wedding planning. Sweaty palms, heart racing, knees weak, teary eyes, total immobilization. I would find myself staring at a web page filled with tiki torches or green bridesmaid dresses or centerpiece ideas, and I would just stop dead in my wedding tracks.
It became the worst when Patrick would ask me for ideas or advice. Two questions in a row about the wedding and I’d be a shaky, sweaty mess. All of a sudden, my mind was deluged with worst-case scenarios and paralyzing fear of judgment from others. How do you plan a party everyone has already been to before, but also make it the paragon of amazing loveness that super-embodies the perfect lovey-face of your wonderful and unique relationship?
Moreover, will our venue let us put party lights up and what if we don’t have party lights and we trigger Armageddon right then and there?!
Wedding planning is the worst. Keep reading »
“So, this is awkward,” said the email from my friend, the bride. “But I’ve decided to keep my bridesmaids to just really close friends.”
She had three bridesmaids. I was the third. Apparently, she only had two really close friends, and I was not one of them.
“Wait,” I wrote back. “Why?”
“I don’t really feel like I need to explain myself to you,” she replied.
Oh. Keep reading »
Kim Kardashian’s divorce – after she donned three $25,000 white Vera Wang wedding gowns (at the wedding and on the covers of People and Us Weekly) –might explain why the famous designer announced a new line of ebony wedding dresses. I beat Wang’s hot trend years ago when this bride wore noir. It was the perfect shade for my late night Soho reception where my husband’s dad – a judge – officiated. I also picked the morbid marriage palette before “Sex in the City” actress Sarah Jessica Parker wore black to wed her real groom Matthew Broderick a year after me. Parker later told Harper’s Bazaar she felt like a bad bridal role model, and if she had it to do over, “I would white it up. I’d wear a beautiful, proper wedding dress, like I should have worn that day.” Keep reading »
Kim Kardashian is getting hitched this weekend, and her family isn’t telling us too much about how things we’ll be going down. Mom Kris Jenner tells us that Kim is cool as a cucumber. Luckily, Khloe Kardashian let a little more slip. She divulged that (gasp!) Kim’s bridesmaids will be wearing (ZOMG!) green. Now, I love green—all shades, from mint to kelly to hunter. But I do think it’s a slightly strange color to pick for bridesmaid dresses because the first thing that will pop into the guests’ minds when they see them will be “green with envy.” And who wants their bridesmaids to be envious? [People]
This got me thinking—do different bridesmaid dress colors send subtle subliminal messages to guests? Obviously. After the jump, our taxonomy of what different bridesmaid dress colors say about you. Keep reading »
One thing I learned before I got married is that nobody loves to talk about weddings more than women who just got married. They’ll grab on to any socially acceptable opportunity to relive their experiences. Now, I’m one of those women who’s full of tips on how to get through your wedding day. One day, maybe you can pass a few of these dos and don’ts on to the next girl when you go to blab about your wedding. Keep reading »