While a slew of young women (and one sex doll) are eager to auction off their virginities to the highest bidder, there are others who are holding on to their V-cards for dear life. Some even into their golden years and beyond. We honor them, these chaste few who are (mostly) proud to call themselves the world’s oldest virgins.
I hope that we’re being “Punk’d.”
If not, then there are people in China who boil chicken eggs in the urine of little boys. And. Then. Eat. Them.
I’m not quite sure I agree with Buzzfeed’s headline that “virgin boy eggs,” as they are called, are a “popular” snack in China, as this is the first I’ve ever heard of them. But apparently boys under the age of 10 — just boys — urinate in buckets at primary schools in Dongyang, China, and the urine is then used to cook chicken eggs. Locals claim urine-soaked, hard-boiled eggs “have miraculous properties” by promoting better blood circulation.
Chinese medical experts suggest the process is unsanitary. You know who doesn’t agree with them? This lady. [Buzzfeed]
With so many points of clarifications that we could use from social conservatives — Single motherhood is bad! But so is abortion! — one would think The New York Times‘ conservative columnist, Ross Douthat, would have plenty of rich, complicated topics to dig into. But in an op-ed column that ran yesterday, Douhat argued in defense of monogamy, praising social conservatives for their “optimistic” attitudes about love and happiness, and even went so far as to cheer on abstinence-only education sex ed programs that delay sexual behavior in teenagers. Keep reading »
We’ve heard of people auctioning off their virginity before — it’s so last year. But Australian filmmaker Justin Sisely has taken it to a whole new level. He’s rounded up a whole group of virgins willing to sell their virginity for a documentary. Each virgin will get paid $20,000 plus 90 percent of their purchase price, which could go as high as to the millions. Because authorities threatened to charge Sisely with prostitution if he went ahead with the plan in Australia, he’s made a deal with a Nevada brothel to host the auction, which will be filmed naturally. (The brothel will get the other 10 percent of each virgin’s sale price.) Keep reading »
Last week, a retired school teacher named Deborah Parish came before the Texas Board of Education to argue for sex education in schools. “Kids are not ready to be parents, nor are they ready to have AIDS,” she said. I don’t think anyone’s ever ready to have AIDS, but that’s besides the point. “I don’t think any of these people know you can have sexual satisfaction without taking your clothes off,” she said. “OK, embarrassment, I’m 56 years old and I’m a virgin … technically.” A few minutes later, Deborah was interrupted and told that she had arrived to the hearing a day late for that particular topic. The Board was currently discussing physical education and alcohol awareness. [Gawker
] — Awwwwkard. Keep reading »
This week I got a letter from a teeny bopper, who just can’t seem to “She Bop,” if you know what I mean. She wrote:
I’m 19, have never had a boyfriend, and am still a virgin.
I’m not coming to you for relationship advice; the way I see it I don’t need a man right now. The thing is, as I’m sure you know, sex dominates culture. Just because I’ve never done it doesn’t mean I haven’t heard stories, and it’s made me pretty damn horny. I’m kind of curious about masturbation, but I feel like I’m just doing it wrong. Nothing seems to really get me there. Do you have advice for a beginner like me?
Well, honey, even a ho like me will tell you that there’s no rush to lose your virginity — especially if you’ haven’t orgasmed on your own first! Lettin’ some dude sock it to you before you know how to get off isn’t gonna do it for ya. No man is that good. You’ve got to take your O into your own hands! You’ve got to solve, or rather diddle, your own ecstasy riddle. So, all that work you’ve been doing feeling around down there, even if it hasn’t finished the job, is a good start! Now here’s how you can take yourself all the way home. Keep reading »
I was twenty-nine, single again after a five-year marriage, and a virgin. When I met my now ex-husband Mike, I had just turned 21. We met at small Catholic liberal arts college, and even though I no longer believed in Jesus, the Saints, the Bible, God, really any of that. I was a virgin then, and I was a virgin when we divorced.
Keep reading »
Once would have been more than enough.
A Russian woman, known only as “Natalia K,” allegedly underwent six hymenoplasties to “restore her virginity” for her husband. Keep reading »
Contrary to what you’ve seen on DVD, 40-year-old virgins aren’t hairy, awkward, endearing action figure collectors who work in electronic stores. A recent study of 7,000 people discovered the traits real middle-aged virgins tend to possess. Keep reading »