Comediennes Giulia Rozzi and Brooke Van Poppelen know what you need to get a bearded boyfriend, score a recording contract and become the quirky girl: Bangs! For the low price of $19.99, you will be bangin’ and you’ll never have to wash the front of your hair again. In!
I wish I had known that the career of Professional Laugh Expert existed. If I had, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I would be at the top of my game right now, making YouTube laugh tutorials like Beth Agnew. Here she demonstrates the “Solitary Laugh.” I personally use this one when watching “RuPaul’s Drag Race” alone. More of Beth’s laugh lessons include the Sad Laugh, the Tornado Laugh (this would have come in handy when hurricane Irene hit), the TGIF Laugh, and my personal favorite, the Pirate Laugh. I highly recommend watching all of them if you seek to become a better laugher. [Tastefully Offensive]
Dear BennyTheJukebox,
Thank you for learning to play rock anthems by Led Zeppelin, Gun N Roses, Deep Purple, David Bowie, The Rolling Stones, Van Morrison and more on your melodica and posting your medley on YouTube. I think you might be my nerdy, musical soul mate. Let’s make beautiful music together. I’ll sing, and you can back me up on melodica. Maybe you can teach me how to play keytar? We can start that band I’ve always wanted to. We’ll call it Epilady Epidemic. And we can audition for “The Voice.” What say you?
Yours,
Ami
[Neatorama]
This is absolutely genius. Princess Peach of Super Mario Brothers fame rocks this parody version of “Video Games.”And that duck face. Wow. I can’t stop watching. [Buzzfeed]
One of my favorite things about the internet is that it provides a forum for two random and awesome, but completely unrelated things to be brought together into something you had no idea you needed. Think about it — if the internet didn’t exist, the person who made the video above might have thought setting every Wes Anderson slow-motion shot to Ja Rule would be perfect, but they probably wouldn’t have executed it. And I wouldn’t have seen it. And I wouldn’t be as happy as I am right now.
It took 17-year-old singer Heather Traska 86 days, over 30 costume changes, and a month of editing to put together this video, which is surely the most epic a capella Disney medley ever. “Mulan,” “Aladdin,” “The Lion King,” “Pocahontas,” “The Little Mermaid,” “Beauty and the Beast” — they’re all here. I was giggling with glee throughout the whole thing, and I’m guessing you will too. Another guess: this won’t be the last we hear from the talented Ms. Traska. [YouTube]
Squirrel Friend in a coma. I know, I know. It’s serious. If you can think of a better one-liner to describe this video of a fat squirrel who overdid it on the nuts, please share. [Does she have diabetes like Paula Deen? It reminds me of when Maury Povich used to rescue obese people from their houses. I'm sad about the squirrel. -- Editor] [Morrissey was sad about his girlfriend in a coma too. -- Ami] [But it's Morrissey, so he was kind of happy at the same time. -- Julie] [Buzzfeed]
So, I think I’ve discovered my new running/life partner. If he’ll have me, this may be “the one” who could make long jogs on the beach seem appealing to me. I want him to teach me everything he knows about jogging and life and love. That being said, I refuse to wear his/hers matching rainbow thongs. I hope he’s OK with that. Because that’s a dealbreaker for me. [Buzzfeed]
Happy International Fetish Day! Are you planning on kinking it up in celebration? I certainly hope so. Just in case you needed some ideas, let us review these 30 essential paraphilias. Just think about how much more fun sex ed would have been if we had lessons like this. My “sexual education” consisted of the gym teacher showing us a video from the ’70s where a girl gets her period, which kick-starts her life as a sexually capable woman. How enlightening it was to discover that having your period meant you would be in a bad mood for five to seven days. Actually, I was wishing I had elected to take the alternative course, “Desert Survival.” I would have been better off learning how to save myself should I get attacked by a scorpion or a rattlesnake. Always carry some meat tenderizer in your pocket! Anyhow, now that you’ve learned about your sexual fetishes for the day from this entertaining MILF, there will be a pop quiz to come. Meaning, try one (or more) of them with your bedfellow tonight. [Buzzfeed]
Hey, young people! If you are thinking of succumbing to the temptations of sex, just think of cuddling with your talking teddy bear. Cuddling, meaning you can go inside and hump the crap out of that thing until you are of legal age to get hitched? Or maybe Purity Bear is one of those hide-a-vibe thingies. Either way, the acting in this commercial is absolutely phenomenal. The actor who played the role of Purity Bear is a real talent. If I hadn’t lost my virginity a million years ago, this Day Of Purity campaign may have been enough to have kept me chaste. [Buzzfeed]
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