Last night, VH1 held their annual “Divas” concert, featuring Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus, and Jordin Sparks, even though attaching the label “diva” to these gals is questionable. During the show, which coincidentally took place at the Brooklyn Academy of Music right down the road from my apartment, host Paula Abdul made a funny. She dressed up as Ellen DeGeneres, who’s replacing her as a judge on “American Idol” this season, and imitated her dopest dance moves, grooving her way over to a replica of Ellen’s set. “Why y’all staring at me? Can’t a girl try out a new job?” she said. “All kidding aside—nothing but love Ellen. And I wish you the best of luck on the new gig. And you gotta call me if you have any Simon problems because, well, I know him best.”

Ah, “Tool Academy.” Quite possibly one of the most awesomely awful shows on TV—and I mean that in a good way. Dedicated to seeking out guys who act like tools and sending them off to Tool Academy for an inner and outer makeover with their fed-up girlfriends, VH1’s reality dude show is one of my favorites. Why? I do not know. I guess there’s something deeply appealing about seeing total jerks being turned into better men. There are too many guys out there with spray tans, spiked hair, and man thongs for this country not to need a show like this. In any case, as it turns out, there’s a “Tool Academy 2” on the way! And this season actually looks more obnoxious. Check out the latest batch of tools here. Premieres August 31.

VH1 is bringing back its “VH1 Divas” concert series Sept. 17 after a four-year hiatus. But don’t get too excited yet. Some idiot over at the network thinks Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, Kelly Clarkson, and Adele should join the ranks of Mary J. Blige, Cher, Aretha Franklin, and Celine Dion, who have all been honored on the broadcast concert before. These four young singers, however, are not divas—they’re not even on their way to becoming divas!

VH1 must be starting to think it’s the Spice network, because two of their just-picked-up shows star well-seasoned hip-hop veterans. Sandra Denton (you know her as Pepa of Salt-n-Pepa) and Rozanda Thomas (a.k.a Chilli from TLC) are each getting their own reality shows where they try to find the man of their dreams, a la “Rock of Love.” Both shows are currently untitled, so I’m looking forward to seeing how VH1 will try to spin the two identical ideas in different directions. Interestingly, the two shows are coming out of different production companies. Which makes me wonder if VH1 signed on for both so that I could have fun making spice jokes? [Variety]

This weekend, I was skimming through the TV Guide Channel trying to figure out what to watch, when I came across the description of VH1’s “My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding,” which said something to the effect of “Dina,” “wedding,” “fiance owns catering company,” and “New Jersey.” I thought—there can’t be more than one uber-rich Dina in the state of New Jersey who is related to people that own a banquet facility. And by golly, I was right—there isn’t! Before rising to distaste on Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” housewife Dina Manzo had her wedding documented on VH1.

Soon, Dina (looking the same), Caroline (a little thinner), and even little Lexi lit up my living room as I watched the we-swear-we’re-not-part-of-the-mob clan plan the 600-person, $1 million dollar wedding. From watching Dina purchase her $10,000 Badgley Mischka dress which she called a bargain, to refraining from rolling my eyes as she demanded that little $500 butterfly decorations be placed in the flower arrangements, the only word I can think of to describe this wedding––extravagant—is an understatement.

When I heard a few months ago that pop star Jessica Simpson was considering a reality TV show about “real beauty,” I was thrilled. Finally! A celeb who sought to use the negative press attention towards her and spin it a positive way! In the wake of the offensive tabloid lynch mob over Simpson’s “mom jeans” weight gain, taking the high road seemed like a classy thing to do.

The details of said show are finally out: in a docu-series called “The Price of Beauty” for VH1, Simpson will travel around the world speaking to women about the lengths they go to to achieve physical perfection, including their diets, clothes and beauty regimens. 

It does sounds like a cool premise for a TV program. But when I read Jessica’s statement regarding her show, I came to my senses about just who the feel-good, body-positive “messenger” is.

We’re all a little bit crazy. I know I am. After battling a bout of depression in my teens, going through therapy in my 20s, and ultimately becoming a happy, more well-adjusted person, I decided to get my masters in psychology. Why? Because people are endlessly fascinating and complex. So I get a little too excited watching shows like “Intervention,” “Obsessed,” and “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew.” Sometimes my friends make fun of me, pointing out that I am the one who is “addicted” or “obsessed” with these shows. Laugh all you want, but I don’t watch because I get off on other people’s problems. I just think it’s important to have empathy for what other people are going through. I watch to be a better person, darn it. And that’s why I am so psyched that VH1 has created a new reality series that follows people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Over at Nerve.com, Steve Almond takes on VH1’s “Rock of Love” and asserts the latest installment in the reality TV series, “Rock of Love Bus,” is, basically, pornography. According to Almond, the show is “eerily like a porn film,” absent, he says, feeling or intimacy, while everyone stands around groping and tonguing each other, nevertheless, and totally misogynist. But is “Rock of Love” misogynist—or reality?

Is “Rock of Love: Charm School” winner Brandi M., a.k.a. Brandi Mahon, dating a pornographer? After scoring $100,000 on the second season of VH1’s “Charm School,” hosted by Sharon Osbourne, Brandi’s porn star past was exposed. Now, it appears the charm school grad may be slipping back into the X-rated business by dating Jason Green, the co-owner of Paradise Visuals, an adult production company based in Las Vegas, where Mahon lives.

This just in…VH1 is paying has-beens major money to create and produce more lame and overdone reality TV. Former TV icon Scott Baio and former child star Jason Hervey have created “Confessions of a Teen Idol,” which will give “heartthrobs” from the ‘80s and ‘90s another chance at fame. The show, which premieres this Sunday, Jan. 4, will function as a support group for the all male cast comprised of Christopher Atkins (“The Blue Lagoon”), David Chokachi (“Baywatch”), Billy Hufsey (“Fame”), Jeremy Jackson (“Baywatch”), Eric Nies (“The Real World” and “The Grind”), Jamie Walters (“Beverly Hills 90210”), and Adrian Zmed (“TJ Hooker,” “Grease 2”). According to VH1, each hour-long episode will provide a “rare, never-before-seen look at fame and its consequences as the guys live together.” However, there really isn’t anything rare about this show.

You may remember Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas from her days as one-third of the Grammy Award-winning group TLC. We haven’t heard much from Chilli since the group fizzled after the death of member Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes. Now we’ve caught wind of a VH1 casting call for “Atlanta’s hottest men to compete for a chance at romancing Chilli.” Seriously, is the dating scene in Atlanta that pitiful that Chilli has to humiliate herself on reality TV? More after the jump.

A bunch of boys are getting ready for a drag race.  But these guys aren’t into cars—they like lipstick and can apply it better than any born woman. The Logo network is currently casting for RuPaul’s Drag Race, a new reality show competition to crown America’s Top Drag Queen. While we’d take any reason to get the diva supermodel back on the boob tube, this sounds like a fierce excuse for a show!  So far, you can you can check out submission videos and vote for which tranny you think deserves a chance at the tiara.  As for Miss Ru, you’ll have to wait until the show airs sometime next year, but we’ll leave you with some vintage love. Work it girl! [Towleroad.com]

Funerals, talking to a member of the clergy, bumping into your ex and his new girlfriend—these are all really uncomfortable situations. But nothing gives me more heebee-jeebees than the thought of having to snuggle strangers at a Cuddle Party. Until an episode of Scott Baio is 45…and Single (see above), I had never heard of such a nightmare, er, event.  Apparently it’s a group of people, who don’t know each other, dressed in pa-jam-jam’s that bond and then eventually embrace for an extended period of time. Yuck! It’s not supposed to be sexy and I can guarantee, after looking around at the peeps in a Hallmark card store, that it definitely isn’t.  However, like skinny jeans, this uncomfortable trend is becoming popular across America according to a CBS News Report.  I don’t want to judge the hug, it has its place—a firm hello for friends and family, a little bid of support for someone sad, etc—but it usually takes me naked, in your bed, to get a full spoon on. Yet somehow, without the aid of booze, people are still into the idea of holding on to hippies they’ve only just met. I’ve never felt so alone in all my life. Don’t touch me!

After being spit on by Pumpkin, left by Tango, and dissed by Flava Flav not once, but twice, all on national television, we were really rooting for Tiffany Pollard aka New York to find a sweet lovin’ man who liked reality shows and fake boobs. On season two of Vh1’s I Love New York, we thought she had finally found the perfect fit in her man Taylor Made. The Mama’s Boy lavished her with presents, submitted to her whims, and took beating after beating from his top competitor Buddha just to stay in the game. The poor guy had been whipped in every way possible. 

At the reunion show, they seemed so in love and had made plans to be married. But according to Page Six, the pair was just spotted having a heated argument at the opening of the Chelsea club Suzie Wong’s  in New York City. After they screamed louder than Sister Patterson in church, the couple was caught head-butting each other on the street.  (Fingers crossed Tiffany also put some protective silicone in her forehead and is A-Ok.) We all know it’s hard to find a good man, especially one that can handle a mother-in-law like the overbearing she-devil Sister Patterson.  But we hope, after recovering from the Taylor Made concussion, Tiffany will feel up to I Love New York Season 3. 

I’ve had a crush on Dr. Drew Pinsky since I was in high school, growing up in San Diego, where I would have to angle my radio antenna very carefully in order to catch the LA-based radio show Loveline, where Dr. Drew was one of the hosts. The show eventually went on to major success (it’s now heard all over the US) and a short-lived TV show on MTV, but at the time it was just a cult radio show on KROCK in LA. My beloved doctor has gone so mainstream that he’s been profiled in the most recent issue of Rolling Stone, talking about his disgustingly fascinating new show on VH1 Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew. So, what really gets my blood going for the forty-something savior of drug addicts, is that he honestly seems to really care. Oh, and he has that totally gorgeous face surrounded by oh so sexy salt and pepper hair. I would totally develop a drug addiction just so I could go to rehab and hang out with this man.

Porn star, Presidential candidate, and Celebrity Rehab star Mary Carey is auctioning off her old breast implants on eBay calling them “The best stocking stuffer of all time!” Clearly she’s never seen the Christmas beer coozey our grandma knitted for us in 1995. In any case, this for sale silicone isn’t just for fun and games—a portion of the winning bid (currently at $510) will go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Now those are some plastic titties we’d pay for! [eBay]