Tag Archives: verizon

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Outsourced His Job To China So He Could Watch Cat Videos

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Dear Amazing Outsourcer,

Most of us are guilty of loafing off on the job a couple times a day. But you, Anonymous Job Outsourcer, decided to game the system by not doing your job all together. Instead, you outsourced your tech job to a man in China, who duly toiled away while you spent the day on Reddit, checking Facebook and watching various and sundry cat videos.

You would have gotten away with it, too, had your company not noticed that someone in China was logging into the system with your VPN. Verizon was brought in to explore the mess, and after an extensive investigation, revealed that you had outsourced your entire job to China. And the best part, according to the Verizon enquiry: You “spent less than one-fifth” of your six-figure salary for the Chinese firm to do your job for you. Keep reading »

Verizon To Thwart All High School Hookups

Remember how in high school you’d invite someone over to watch a movie and then you’d accidentally actually watch the movie? But you couldn’t simply call it a night once the credits rolled because you’d been too chicken to make a move? So you’d just put on whatever channel, but as soon as you started making out, a condom commercial would come on, prematurely acknowledging your unspoken desires? Remember “Trojan MAAAN”?  Read more …

5 Awkward Moments I’ve Had With My Cell Phone Provider

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This weekend, I went to the T-Mobile store to upgrade my smart phone to a smarter phone (nope, still don’t have an iPhone, whatever, shut up). I hadn’t gotten a new phone for awhile, so when the T-Mobile guy came over to help me, I asked if I was eligible for an upgrade. He stared back at me incredulously and said, “Upgrade? What are you talking about?” I repeated my question, explaining that in the past my plan had included a discounted or free phone every year or so. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Upgrade? What does that mean?” We went back and forth about the meaning of the word “upgrade” for a couple minutes, before he finally sighed dramatically and said, “Look, you just pick the phone you want and pay for it. There’s no such thing as an upgrade.” Awkward, right? But wait, that’s not the only cringeworthy moment I’ve had with my cell phone providers over the years. Check out four more, after the jump… Keep reading »

Why Is Verizon Using Ciara’s Crotch To Sell Cell Phones?


This Verizon commercial for the LG Chocolate Touch featuring Ciara has been making the rounds for a while now, and I’ve finally figured out why it annoys me so doggone much. The ad goes beyond using sex to sell a product and enters low-class strip club territory. I mean, Ciara is all but rubbing that guy’s face in her crotch. Broke strippers must often resort to the nastiest, most demeaning tactics to get customers to give up a few dollars; exposing the goodies and letting themselves get fondled is commonplace in these situations. Ciara is relying on a similar talent — her ability to gyrate — now that she’s fallen way off because her music ain’t cutting it. Keep reading »

Widow’s Voice Lives On

Oh, the wonderful world of telecommunications! Verizon dug up an old phone message left by 80-year old Charles Whiting’s wife, Catherine, recorded before her death in 2005. After she passed, Whiting would listen to his wife’s voice on their voicemail for comfort — but when Verizon upgraded the system, the message was erased. The company managed to find the recording in their archive and restored it for Whiting’s listening pleasure. May we recommend making a second copy on a handy-dandy tape recorder, just in case? [USA Today] Keep reading »

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