Tag Archives: Veniamin Balika

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Stole 42,000 Pounds Of Cheese

Be My BFs: Chicken
These guys stole $65K in chicken wings. Read More »
Be My BF: Toothpick Caper
He stole thousands of toothpicks! Read More »
Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Be My BF!
He stole $200,000 worth of cheese

Dear Veniamin Balika,

Let me preface this love letter by saying that I understand that stealing is wrong and don’t condone it. But I can’t help but be impressed by a man who can pull off a cheese heist of unprecedented proportions. I find cheese thievery sexy for obvious reasons.

Veniamin — or should I call you Cheese King? — you have my respect for managing to make off with 42,000 pounds of Muenster cheese from a Wisconsin distribution plant. That’s enough cheese to fill an 18-wheel truck. That’s roughly $200,000 worth of cheese, which you planned to sell on the black market. I had no idea the black cheese market was so lucrative. I had no idea there was a black cheese market. I knew about the underground chicken wing market. But not cheese.This is all blowing my mind. So much fucking cheese! Enough cheese to fulfill all my dairy cravings for the rest of my life! Enough cheese to build a cheese house and live there together like two happy mice. I know, I’m getting ahead of myself. Keep reading »

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