Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be about who loves you, but whom you love. It’s the one day out of the year when you should take account of those people in your life who make you gleefully vomit little candy hearts. Being loved back isn’t nearly as important in life as boldly, recklessly, sincerely loving someone regardless of any returns on investment. Making love, not taking it, is the primary occupation of the human condition, our core programming, whether we realize it or accept it or not. All other activities and pursuits are secondary.
Instead, Valentine’s Day feels like emotional extortion. To many men, it’s an inconvenience to dread, a relationship hoop set aflame which one must deftly prance through like an expertly trained poodle. And to other men, it’s a day of opportunity. Keep reading »
Fellas! Valentine’s Day is less than a week away — how ya holdin’ up? Have you figured out what to get your special lady (if you have one, that is)? No? Hmm. Not to put to even more pressure on you, but seriously, you really don’t want to f**k this up. Valentine’s Day is the most important day ever created for anyone with a vagina*** and you do want to get laid again, right? Don’t worry — we’re all basically single, so we can pretend to be your hypothetical girlfriend for a hot second and advise you as to where on the “expensive vs. cheap”/”romantic vs. lame” scale the V-Day gifts you might be considering fall. We don’t want you to get dumped because you thoughtlessly gave her a weedwacker or a boob job consultation.
[Note to any future boyfriends of mine: I would actually love a Dyson. But I am a clean freak and not your average chick.]
***Sarcasm alert! Keep reading »
Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is treated as a woman’s holiday. This sexist interpretation is due to the whole love-is-for-the-ladies thing that has been a part of American culture for the last hundred years or so. The classic image of the holiday is a man showing up on a woman’s doorstep with flowers and candy, and nearly every Valentine’s Day product out there is marketed toward men on the assumption that they’re the ones doing the buying around the 14th.
At its heart, though, Valentine’s Day is meant for couples, and last time we checked there were two people in a couple (sometimes three, depending on the laws in your state). Men should really enjoy the holiday as much as women, but for whatever reason, they tend to turn against it. Maybe it’s the actual date that makes us so anti-Valentine’s Day.
Here’s a look at an ideal way to spend Valentine’s Day, from a man’s perspective. Keep reading »
When Feb. 14 looms over us like the grim specter of Death itself, men react in a rational way: We do everything that we possibly can to find someone to date us as soon as possible. Regardless of whether we like, dislike, or want to kill a person, we’ll go out with her rather than spend Valentine’s Day alone.
Sure, most of us are aware that it’s a corporate holiday designed to sap money from consumer pockets into the pockets of the greeting card, flower, and pornography industries. However, its secondary function is to make a good half of society feel lonely and depressed for not joining in. Guys are hit pretty hard. Here’s how our average Valentine’s Day goes when we’re single … Keep reading »
Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching and whether you’re a fabulous single, newly-coupled, an old married, or nursing a recent heartbreak, there are a few common mistakes you should be aware of. After the jump, check out the 8 mistakes you need to avoid to make this Valentine’s Day better than ever (or at least not as terrible as it could be). Keep reading »
Attention: Valentine’s Day gift alert! Spotted in the newest issue of VMAN magazine—a precious little undergarment … for the man in your life: denim manties. Yes, these denim, itty-bitty man-panties (hate that word!) can be yours, or his as the case may be. And picture this: a man with over .009 percent body fat wearing those suckers! You’re welcome. [The Cut] Keep reading »
You know what has always struck me as unfair? That Valentine’s Day is largely considered to be a holiday for women. In all the ads for the holiday, jewelry, chocolates, flowers, etc. are all gifts given to women, from their devoted, tie-clad husbands and boyfriends. Bu what about dudes? Don’t they want cheesy tokens of love and affection too? Wouldn’t they like to be taken out for a romantic dinner or given a nice piece of man jewelry? (By which I mean a watch. Men should not wear any jewelry outside of a watch and a wedding band. That is a rule.) The first Valentine’s Day I spent with my ex, five years ago, we went out to dinner, but his parents had called up the restaurant and pre-paid for our meal, as a surprise. (I guess they had a sense that I was “The One,” which used to make me go, “Aww,” but now makes me go, “Oops!”) I, however, felt like getting him something too, and ended up giving him four new wine glasses — partially as a joke because I had broken one of his the week before. The point is, don’t men deserve and want a little wooing? And if so, how do they want to be wooed? I asked the fellas. Keep reading »
Guys have it easy when it comes to Valentine’s Day gift-giving. There are so many completely obvious options: lingerie, flowers, jewelry, chocolate. Sure, we might not want those things, but at least it’s a starting point. To help you find a gift for your boy that will be appreciated, we asked eight guys in cities around the country what they hope to get on Feb. 14. Keep reading »