Chances are you already have plans for Valentine’s Day weekend, but if you don’t, I have an awesome plan for you: Go to the movies and sit between two groups of people so that either side would assume that you’re with the other party. Pretend to offer your popcorn and nod your head as if you’re conversing with said group. Enjoy the film. Upon exiting, close-walk behind a couple until you get to an appropriate parting arena. Wave frantically and say, “Bye guys,” while looking at a spot just beyond them on the horizon. Get into your own car. Go home. Brilliant, huh? This week’s cinema escapes include sexy canines in “The Wolfman,” alternatively whiny and happy attractive people in “Valentine’s Day,” and underage Greek demi-gods in “Percy Jackson & The Olympians: Lightning Thief.” Keep reading »
Confession: I was really looking forward to seeing “Valentine’s Day” on, yes, Valentine’s Day. Most of my friends are in relationships, I am newly single, and, well, I was thinking about throwing a full-on self-pity party on Sunday — I was going to see “Valentine’s Day” alone. I was even thinking of sneaking in cocktails! Then I was going to go home and eat mac ‘n’ cheese and meditate on visions of my rotting ovaries. Just kidding. Kinda.
I love a rom-com. There are very few I don’t love (“P.S. I Love You” and “The Ugly Truth” are two), but I have a pretty high tolerance for crap. Last night my friend’s husband said, “That movie looks like it’ll be worse than ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’!” to which I replied, “I LOVE that movie!” (I do; I’ve seen it four times. Don’t judge.) Alas, I started to have doubts that “Valentine’s Day” would be as rom-comically awesome as I hoped, after I heard a rumor that Jessica Alba’s character owns a talking dog. I love talking dogs. In fact, I talk for my own, but I don’t enjoy them in rom-coms. It’s a bad sign. Also, I was disappointed that the film’s marketing completely gay-washed Bradley Cooper’s role in the movie. I started to fear that my V-Day Pity Party plans were at risk.
Turns out I was right to worry. The reviews are in and the consensus is that “Valentine’s Day,” the movie, sucks way harder than the holiday itself. After the jump, some choice quotes from reviewers. Keep reading »