Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. We gather you knew this based on the high volume of Zales commercials. So, here’s the deal. The internet is gonna try to convince you that you will have the most mind-blowing sex of your life of February 14th. It will sell you the dream. It will encourage you to purchase special sex paraphernalia just for the occasion. You don’t need it! Let’s be realistic here. You’ll probably be too tired to fuck after that 16 course meal or passed out by 10 p.m., crashing from a chocolate high. Be forewarned. Here are some sexy products you shouldn’t waste your money on this V-Day.
Tag Archives: valentines day gifts
Give the lady the wrong Valentine’s Day gift and she won’t be so excited to open her heart (or her legs) for you. Even if you do love her “from top to bottom,” we urge you not to buy her this roll of toilet paper. Here are some more gifts that are not going to get her romantic juices flowing. [Just Paper Roses]
Alright, gents, the holiday of all holidays is upon us. That’s right, the heart shaped mongoose has stretched its legs, and like the lazy lion relying on the hunt, we need to chase after it. But there’s nothing worse than running after the rodent only to find out that’s it’s a goddamned rat. While Valentine’s Day itself may be a little slice of heaven, the days that follow threaten a year’s worth of love. When our girlfriends talk amongst themselves and it’s revealed that your Duane Reade chocolates were trumped by Jerry’s box of Godiva truffles. Or your dinner and a movie was nothing compared to Sam’s tickets to Carnegie Hall’s “Concert For Lovers.” Out goes any of the goodwill you get for making any effort at all. What I’m suggesting is ground rules, boys. Yes, ground rules. So we all can get on the same page, and no one comes out smelling like a long-stem rose. Here are my proposed V-Day gift-giving guidelines to level the playing field … Keep reading »
It was Valentine’s Day, and I didn’t have a boyfriend, which I was telling myself was actually pretty nice. The last boyfriend had gotten me a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I don’t like chocolates. I don’t like hearts. He had also written some ill-conceived poetry, comparing my face to the moon, or something. Or maybe he was comparing my boobs to the sun. Whatever. Keep reading »
From anxiety over one’s relationship status (or lack thereof), to figuring out a non-lame way to celebrate, Valentine’s Day, more than any other occasion, has the power to elicit panic in even the most reserved, well-tempered individuals. Perhaps the most nerve-wracking experience of the whole occasion is choosing an appropriate gift, one that sends just the right message without inadvertently offending anyone in the process. Worse than the stress in choosing a perfect gift, though, is the disappointment in receiving one that totally sucks. After the jump, 20 Valentine’s Day gifts we hope you don’t get stuck with this year. Keep reading »
Guys have it easy when it comes to Valentine’s Day gift-giving. There are so many completely obvious options: lingerie, flowers, jewelry, chocolate. Sure, we might not want those things, but at least it’s a starting point. To help you find a gift for your boy that will be appreciated, we asked eight guys in cities around the country what they hope to get on Feb. 14. Keep reading »
Valentine’s Day is mere weeks away, and if you’re in a relationship, don’t expect to get much in the way of presents. A study found that couples are expected to spend nearly 17 percent less on gifts and Valentine’s Day merchandise compared with 2008, or an average of $102.50. With skimpy Valentine’s Day gifts expected among couples, it’s not a bad time to be single. You don’t need to waste your hard-earned cash on a nice present when you might not get something of equal value (or anything you like) in return. You don’t have to spend money on new lingerie, sexy dresses, or bikini waxes. And you don’t have to throw away dough on sex toys, teddy bears holding roses, or boxes of chocolates. Why don’t you celebrate yourself and take the $102.50 or whatever amount you would have used to buy a present and buy yourself something you like. Not only have you been saving money by not being in a relationship, but we buy ourselves the best presents anyway. Keep reading »