Valentine’s Day is the perfect holiday for a gal to test out some sexy lingerie. There are so many different styles to choose from. Will you choose to go demure or vampy or vagina-less? In our search, we found an epidemic that seems to be plaguing lingerie models. Their vaginas have gone missing! (The nipples were just the beginning.) But where did they go? Let’s “Law & Order” this shit. Dun … dun … dun. We have some theories …
Check out more Valentine’s Day-worthy lingerie on our Pinterest board!
You think you’ve heard of every kind of crime there is and then a woman tries to assassinate her husband with her vagina. According to the UK’s Mirror, a Brazilian woman, whose name is being withheld, is accused of putting a toxic plant substance on her hoo-ha and asking her husband to give her oral sex. According to reports, his life was spared because he noticed a “strange smell” emanating from down there and took his wife to the hospital to get to the bottom of her unusual odor. The tests, of course, revealed that her vagina was poisonous. Is it possible to poison your vagina without poisoning yourself? I’m getting hung up on that. Details and logistics aside, WTF, world? [Mirror UK]
I’ve been going to the same vagina waxer for almost six years now. When you tell people that you wax down there, often their first question is: Isn’t that awkward to have someone all up in your vagina like that? The answer is no. Good waxers make you feel like your vagina is disinteresting. Or mundane. And I mean that in the best possible way. Good waxers look at your vagina the way a grocery store cashier looks at a carton of milk; only enough to make sure they’ve scanned it properly at check out. Vaginas are just kind of a non-issue to them. I know there is some debate as to whether or not it’s appropriate to talk to one’s waxer while she is working on the vagina. I say yes. After six years of waxing my muff once a month, I pretty much consider my waxer, almost, kind of, a friend. We’re not friends, but she knows what’s going on in my life and I know what’s going on in hers. I’ve been with her through two pregnancies and she’s been with me through four times as many breakups. All that being said, there have been a few really uncomfortable moments we’ve shared over the years. Keep reading »
As the proud owners of vaginas for many years now, we were pretty sure we knew all there was to know about the old girls. We were wrong. After the jump, the most jaw-dropping tidbits about your lady bits. Prepare to be shocked and amazed by all the things you didn’t know about vaginas. Keep reading »
Guernica’s Kristen O’Regan went undercover as a woman seeking a labiaplasty to investigate the world of vaginal rejuvenation, a field of surgery which is “relatively unregulated and frequently botched, as indicated by the staggering number of clinics that advertise discreet revisions of bungled previous surgeries.” One of her many disturbing discoveries was a that a procedure called “The Barbie”is growing in popularity:
Dr. Red Alinsod, a urogynecologist in Laguna Beach, California, claims that his most requested surgical procedure is the Barbie: a procedure that excises the entire labia minora. This results in a ‘clamshell’ aesthetic: a smooth genital area, the outer labia appearing ‘sealed’ together with no labia minora protrusion. Alinsod tells me he invented the Barbie in 2005. “I had been doing more conservative labiaplasties before then,” he says. “But I kept getting patients who wanted almost all of it off. They would come in and say, I want a ‘Barbie.’ So I developed a procedure that would give them this comfortable, athletic, petite look, safely.”
Keep reading »
Oh, heeyyy. What’s that? TLC has a new amazing show coming down the pipelines? Oh, yes they do. The channel whose womb I want to crawl into, is bringing us “Plastic Wives,” a series about the wives of some of the most high profile surgeons in Beverly Hills.
“Underneath all that plastic are the wrinkles the cracks, the insecurities. We all try to cover it up, but we’re the Plastic Wives,” says cast member Dayna. She also refers to her vagina as “two soy hot dogs with a bad carpet.” I will be using that one in the future. Why soy? I can’t take the time to ponder that because really, Dayna’s soy dogs are nothing compared to Alana’s. She keeps hers in a small plastic jar. “This is my labia, I think she looks better in a jar than hanging down there,” she says.
Done and done. I’ll be watching the premiere on January 27th. The full preview after the jump. [TLC] Keep reading »
Milena Marinkovic of Serbia had a very specific dying wish: to make sure her husband didn’t look at any other women, even when she was dead.
Before her passing, Milena left detailed instructions for her husband Milan on how to carry out her final wishes. Specifically, she wanted her husband to hire a sculptor to create an exact replica of her vagina on her headstone from photographs she’d taken.
“I don’t want you chasing other women. This way you will always remember me,” she said in her letter. Keep reading »
Attention men of humble endowment, we’ve been telling you forever that it’s not the size that counts. But you didn’t believe us. So a Danish website Singlesex.dk decided to host a small penis competition to help prove that penis size is not at the core of manhood. “There are so many unhappy men out there, who think you have to have a giant penis, but it’s not normal to have a huge one,” says site owner Morten Fabricus. AMEN!
The man with the smallest dick in Denmark will be handsomely rewarded with an iPhone or iPad. That should do wonders to boost his ego! From now until January 31, Danish fellows can enter by posting an anonymous dick pic with a measuring tape next to their member. May the smallest man win! [Sun UK]
If your penis or vagina is the competitive type, click through for some more real competitions you can enter your genitals in.
“I felt like my vagina died. Turned off. Lights out … And you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina … [Jason and I] “have sex like Kenyan marathon runners … Sometimes your vagina dies … Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that … [Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals. We think with our pussies.”
– Excerpts from Olivia Wilde‘s vagina monologue. The other night at These Girls, an event hosted by Glamour, Olivia Wilde presented a live, solo performance about the death of her vagina, the end of her marriage and the resurrection of her sex life with new boyfriend, Jason Sudeikis (who must be feeling like the stud of the damn century today). But all joking about lifeless vaginas and marathon sex aside, she makes a very valid point: you cannot lie to your vagina. It has an intelligence all its own. And you can’t convince it or try to change its mind. Women, (well, no one, but especially women) shouldn’t sacrifice their pleasure to keep a passionless relationship afloat. [NYMag.com]
I don’t know about you, but I hardly ever have a spare tampon around. Actually, I always seem to be running out of them. If by some miracle you have tons of tampons laying around and you’re looking for an egregious way to waste them, here are some ideas courtesy of a website dedicated entirely to Tampon Crafts. Yes, tampon crafting is a thing that really exists.
This Halloween, you may want to consider making your decorations out of tampons. Try to control your blood-curdling scream when you behold this terrifying tampon ghost. BOO!
Click through for more tampon craft projects perfect for any time of the month … or year.