“For me, the vagina is such an integral part of the body…We think the vagina is on the outside. I say grab a mirror and play along. Get in there…You’re supposed to treat it like the beautiful flower that is, the delicate flower that it is. And you’re supposed to nurture it in all the ways that it needs nurturing…[You should be] watering it. Fertilizing it. It needs nourishment. It’s hungry.”
Cameron Diaz shares more tips from The Body Book on “Chelsea Lately.” At least she’s not going on about her love of pubes anymore. But the “delicate flower” metaphor is a little twee for me. Vaginas need showers and sex, not water and fertilizer. It’s nice that she’s written a handy guide to understanding the female body, but I’m wondering who’s reading this and having, like, major revelations about her vagina? [ONTD]
You might not have noticed, but trees can be seriously sexy. Especially after inclement weather has its way with them. Who can say how this human-like branch person ended up humping a trunk, all we can do is marvel at the power and majesty of Mother Nature, pervert that she is. Click through to see some more trees caught in very compromising positions.
In what may be the best police report of all time, Pennsylvania State Police Trooper Brad Jordan attempted to describe an incident which transpired on an Armstrong County Township school bus. His exceptionally penned report read:
“Both the victim and the accused were riding school bus. The accused expelled wind from the vulva during coitus while at the back of the bus. The victim began to laugh and chuckled at the accused for her actions. The accused approached the victim and elbowed him in the testicles. Accused was cited for harassment.”
Let me translate for you: An unidentified 18-year-old girl was having sex (hopefully with a boy of legal age) in the back of the school bus, when she queefed very loudly. A 13-year-old goon riding the bus started giggling at the queef (can you blame him?) and the the girl elbowed him in the balls.
The tragic part: She’s 18 and still has to ride the bus. The even more tragic part: She will forever be known as the school bus queefer. [Liberty Unyielding]
You might think your vagina is fit as a fiddle, but sex and relationships coach, Kim Anami, makes the case for putting the old girl on a weight lifting regime. If you’re not convinced that pumping your punani up is important, please watch her video, which enumerates the many reasons why you should attach a kettle bell to your cooter right this instant. So, you can use your vadge to do party tricks, open pickle jars and save lives. But no, really. Vaginal prolapse. [YouTube]
There is no such thing as a “perfect vagina” and English artist Jamie McCartney set out to prove that with his” Great Wall Of Vagina,” which features the likenesses of over 400 women’s’ vaginas ranging in age from 18 to 76. McCartney’s piece includes the vulvas and labias of mothers and daughters, identical twins, transgendered men and women, pre and postnatal mothers, and women who have had labiaplasty surgery.
“For many women, their genital appearance is a source of anxiety and I was in a unique position to do something about that… Vulvas and labia are as different as faces and many people, particularly women, don’t seem to know that,” says McCartney.
You can pilgrimage to the Great Wall Of Vaginas while it’s on display in Milan through March. [Nerve]
You might remember the woman who found herself with a penis-shaped cake pan and attempted to find creative ways to use it. That was satire. This birthing cake is not. The Pinterest user who made this cake — featuring a strawberry vagina giving birth to doll head — and posted it with the caption: “The Baby shower vagina cake I made for my best friend! So funny yet so disturbing♥♥”
And she’s not the only who’s minus a best friend after showing up at her baby shower with a bloody vagina. There are vaginal funeral cakes and crowning uterus desserts all over the internet. This leads me to believe that birthing cakes are a thing now. I’ll begrudgingly participate in the poop in the diaper game, but I flat-out refuse to eat a slice of labia/uterus /fetus layer cake at your baby shower, even if it’s made out of chocolate sprinkles and pink buttercream. Sorry, it’s just going to work for me. [Mommyish]