I’m not sure when or in what context I first realized that I have long labia. Maybe it was that teasing comment from an ex boyfriend, oh, seven years ago. Maybe it occurred to me at some point when I was watching porn and noticed that mine looked different. Maybe it was in the shower, as I haphazardly shaved my pubes into just a tuft. It was absolutely before I got my first completely bare wax, though having a hand mirror suddenly placed between my legs — so I could inspect the results — certainly made the point hit home. It was definitely in the last 10 years, though I’ve only made it a part of my self-deprecating comedy routine in the last five. Hey, if you’ve got long labia, you might as well joke about it.
But to be honest, and maybe this isn’t a surprise, I’m actually kind of insecure about it. I want to feel good about the way I look and, for the most part, I do, in part because there is plenty of outside messaging that tells me my straight teeth, slender physique, clear skin, etc. is considered conventionally attractive. (I’m not saying you need to be/have these things to be “attractive,” just that these are the qualities we’re told since birth are attractive and can inform how we view ourselves. And being told you’re attractive is also not necessary to being/feeling attractive. I digress.) But the messages being sent about what makes for a pretty vulva are less obvious; with the exception of hair removal trends, there aren’t three-page articles in lady magazines touting how to make your vagina/vulva* look its best or hide its flaws. And yet I’ve always felt distinctly aware that my long labia were not an asset. Keep reading »
“[Gold Trans Am] began as a song about my car, which is a gold Trans Am, and it works about 40 per cent of the time. I don’t have another car because I love that one so much. But then like all great pop it became a metaphor for something else – my pu**y. But my vagina is in tip top working order. Valeted and souped-up and working 100 per cent of the time … [My mom and I] write songs about boys and sex together. That may not be normal to the average psychiatrist out there but I think it’s pretty cool … Don’t analyze.”
– The pee drinking, ghost sex having Ke$ha overshares again in Q Magazine. How does one soup up a vagina? Just out of curiosity. [The Sun UK]
Was anyone else really competitive about hitting puberty? When the other girls in my 6th grade class started wearing bras, I begged my mom to buy me one even though I had nothin’ but beestings. And when I was one of the first to get my period, I felt like the Queen of some really cool club. And pubic hair? You’d better believe my best friend and I compared our down there hair growth when we were supposed to be doing homework. Ahh, how clearly we understood the significance — pubic hair was among the first signs that we were becoming women. But how little we knew about its potential to be high maintenance. In the years since I got my first little thatch, pubic hair grooming has become a major industry. You can let it grow wild, you can trim it, you can shave it, you can wax it, hell, you can slap a bedazzled bird on it. In fact, how you groom your pubes says a lot about you*, like… Keep reading »
Well, that’s one way to sell intimate wipes.
Playtex is hawking these new genital wipes for “before and after” activities involving your genitalia, whatever those might be. We have no idea. But we do know the feminine hygiene industry has a long and sordid history of shaming women into buying products to “sanitize” and perfume our lady business (oh, capitalism!), despite the fact any gyno will tell you the delicate pH balance of your vagina is best left alone.
But, at the very least, we can appreciate that Playtex’s ad campaign includes one marketed towards dudes in need of a clean “pecker.” Check it out after the jump. A dude’s sweaty junk is no picnic, either. Keep reading »
I’ll admit it. I’m obsessed with LeAnn Rimes. Between the quiff and the painful “Entertainment Tonight” interview and reports that she cried after Brandi Glanville said she can “go fuck herself,” I can’t help but rubberneck at the girl. She’s spiraling and needs to get it together. Then I read some highly entertaining excerpts from Brandi Glanville’s new, tell-all book. OMG. Pass-aggro digs galore. Keep reading »
Okay, you might want to be sitting down when I tell you this, but I watched “Mean Girls” for the first time a couple weekends ago. I was pretty well acquainted with… well, nearly every single line in the movie from having read the internet, although I got a good laugh out of “Four for you Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco,” as it was just about the only quote in there that I hadn’t known was from “Mean Girls.” But I decided it was probably time to actually experience the movie, and stop trying to absorb it only from cultural diffusion.
So yeah, I knew next to nothing about “Mean Girls” other than that a lot of parts of the internet that I respect and enjoy are obsessed with quoting it and that it’s about high school, not, for example, that it was written by Tina Fey. Rest assured, these gaping holes in my knowledge have been filled, and so now I completely understand how against the message of the film it is for MTV to bleep a wide swath of non-curse-words, including “vagina,” when it aired on the network this weekend… but not “whore” or “slut.” Read more…
We just found out about Awkwafina and now we’re kind of in love. The tiny rapper created the track “My V@g,” in which she compares her vagina to a “chrome Range Rover / your vag / hatchback ’81 Toyota.” Yeah, it’s that good. [The Hairpin]
Yesterday morning, I woke up and before getting out of bed, I checked my email on my iPhone and opened up one of the 10 million sale alerts I get from various brands. This one was for Aerie, a sub-brand of American Eagle Outfitters that I love for their affordable bras and undies. The deal was for one of their style of bras, but I was far more interested in the panties the model was wearing, because they were sheer enough in the crotch to reveal a whole lot of vagina. Whoa, visible vagina in my inbox, I thought. Or there should have been. I pinched and zoomed in. What the hell has happened to her vag? Keep reading »
Searching “vagina” on iTunes for a cheap thrill, basement pervs? You are shit out of luck. iTunes censors the word “vagina” from Eve Ensler’s play The Vagina Monologues on its e-book page in the title and throughout the teaser, spelling “vagina” as “v****a.” Strangely, though, iTunes does not blur the word “vagina” from the book’s cover image — hopefully no one sprains a wrist clutching their pearls upon seeing it. Thank you, Apple, for keeping for keeping us safe from such a dirty, bad word! How would my pretty little head have handled it if I wanted to buy a copy of The Vagina Monologues but I had to see the word “vagina” on your website? [iTunes.Apple.com]