I was at the nail salon flipping thought the latest issue of Us Weekly, featuring Jessica Simpson’s adorable little towheads, when I stumbled across this photo of baby Maxwell with the caption, “Maxwell is starting to talk a little!” She’s doing more than starting to talk. She’s starting to show off her magical, flying powers. God, please tell me she’s wearing one of those baby harnesses or was she Photoshopped in the sky. Surely no respecting photographer would allow Eric Johnson to toss his child that high in the air. I demand answers.
I don’t think it’s a secret that former teen star Amanda Bynes, 26, is having some issues lately. Starting in the summer of 2012, Bynes — who starred in the movies “What A Girl Wants” and “Hairspray,” and the TV show “What I Like About You” — had a string of vehicular incidents including a DUI arrest and two hit-and-run charges, leading to a suspended license. In September 2012, the actress locked herself inside a dressing room in LA for two hours and then a cupcake shop bathroom in NYC for a half hour. She’s created and deleted countless Twitter and Tumblr accounts, announced her early retirement from acting, and denied having mental health issues. For some reason, Us Weekly decided that Bynes was a good choice for their regular “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” feature, but I really think it should have been cut down to 24 things, as one tidbit on Bynes’ list strikes me as disturbing. Here is #15 on Bynes’ list:
15. I moved to New York City and I love it! I lost 4 lbs. since I moved. I’m 121 lbs — my goal is 100 lbs.
Keep reading »
Hey, I’m not telling Us Weekly how to live its life, but holy crap do these mini-me children-dressed-as-Grammy winners creep me out. First off, I am super not cool with the idea of little kids dressing up as people whose reputations are built on their sexiness. Second, they gave one little boy fake facial hair so he could look like Sean Paul. What is that about?
The Us photos are part of a larger project called Toddlewood, by photographer Tricia Messeroux. According to her Tumblr, this is part of “the hottest photography project featuring the who’s who in Hollywood and politics but in a smaller more irresistible package.” Keep reading »
Divorce? What divorce? Did you know that Kim Kardashian is now a size 2? Look over here at Kim in a red bikini! Look! Look at her bikini bod and forget about everything that happened in the last six months. Deflect with her diet of eggs, fish, chicken and salad. Intrigue with her dedication to eating organically and drinking wheatgrass. Amaze with tales of her hour-long training sessions. Nope … didn’t work. That trick really only works with toddlers and dogs. I’m still waiting for a sincere explanation about her 72-day marriage. I mean, Sinead O’Connor’s only lasted 16 days and she had some insight, albeit disturbing: “I felt like I was living in a coffin.” [Celebitchy]
Dear Us Weekly, Life & Style, OK!, People and the rest of the tabloid mags out there:
We love that we can solidly rely on you for coverage of Jen Aniston’s sex life, Brangelina’s oversized brood, or anything to do with Kim Kardashian’s butt. But for the love of God, please stop covering the girls of “Teen Mom.” Keep reading »
Haiti? So last week. The State of the Union? Meh. So last night. Us Weekly‘s idea of a breaking news story is Jessica Simpson’s rather untimely flatulence. [Us Weekly via DListed] Keep reading »
As you might imagine, the tabloids—like every other popular culture venue out there—are flooded with new Michael Jackson conspiracies this week. It seems that they were so distracted with MJ that they decided to give their favorite usual victims—the Gosselins, Speidi, Jennifer Aniston—the week off. I bet they’re all feeling really good about themselves? We scrounge up the new tidbits the tabs spewed this week. Keep reading »
The mistake you made wasn’t so much in gaining weight, it was in making such a big to-do of yourself when you were skinny. And those high-waisted jeans weren’t doing you any favors either. But the thing is, plenty of women in Hollywood are your size or bigger and no one’s giving them a hard time about it. Just look at Salma Hayek, Scarlett Johansson, or Christina Hendricks — they’ve all got curves like you and they’re hot! No one’s drawing them as 500 lb. caricatures, so what gives?
Keep reading »
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my least favorite issue of Us Weekly — their annual “Diets That Work!” extravaganza. As usual, they lauded the absurd diet and fitness habits of already totally skinny celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce, and Molly Sims. But three weeks have passed and the editors have seemed to come to a realization — many of the fad celebrity diets which result in the super slim bodies they praised for “28 Bonus Pages!” are actually, GASP, dangerous and unhealthy. The latest issue of Us reports on “the new and risky cleanses stars” — like Paltrow, Beyonce, and Sims — “use to slim down.” Wait, you mean Gwyneth needs to do more than work out 14 hours a week in order to have those enviable stems? Say WHAT?! Keep reading »