You may be wondering why I am writing to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day when A) I have my own mother whom I love very much (your gift is in the mail, Mom!) and B) I did not come out of your vagina. I shall explain.
Is it a boy? A girl? A potato?
Bonus points for that brow cred.
Exceptions made for Josh Duggar, who need only write a note of apology to Jesus H. Christ.
Somebody call the wahmbulance.