Originally appeared on Role/Reboot. Republished here with permission.
I threw away all my underwear today. Scratch that. Today, I threw away all of my underwear that would be classified as “lacy little things,” “thongs,” or, in Victoria’s Secret parlance, “cheekies.” Scratchy, itchy, barely-there? It had to go.
I have never lived alone, but in two weeks I will be moving into my first solo apartment. I will be sans-roommate, single girl-ing all up in this city; I am woman, hear me roar! Among the many horrid chores of moving, there is one beacon of joy: the Great Purge. I am a packrat by nature — note every 5K bib I’ve preserved, the melted plastic cup twisted by a deck fire, the tile from the floor of a hostel in San Juan — but moving is the kick in the butt I need to separate what I hoard sentimentally (all of the above) and what I hoard lazily.
The underwear is lazy. No pair has been purchased in the last four years. No pair has been worn more than five times. No pair brings a smile to my face or a steamy memory to the forefront of my mind. The truth, quite simply, is that I hate them all. About a hundred bucks and eight ounces of lace and elastic are now buried by garbage and I feel fantastic. Keep reading »
Warning, the commercial for Liquid Lapdance, the world’s first male undergarment designed specifically for lap dances, is very NSFW and it contains a simulated lap dance that looks nothing like any I’ve ever seen before (and I’ve been to a few strip clubs in my time). But, let’s watch it together and try to make sense of it. That was interesting, you’re probably thinking, but I still have not a clue as to how Liquid Lapdance underwear work. Well, according to the website, “the best strip club invention since the pole,” are men’s underwear (never shown) with a soft-latex extension that moisturizes and lubricates the penis, provides room for an erection, takes the pain out of those pesky “dry lap dances” and holds semen after an orgasm so dudes can relax and focus on what’s important: making it rain. Keep reading »
Back in April, I promised myself that I was going to do a much needed cleaning out my underwear drawer. I’m going to be real with you: it still hasn’t happened. Instead, all I’ve done is buy MORE panties. I can’t resist the seven pairs for $26.50 at Aerie. It’s such a good deal! So, when I discovered that after my latest panty spree, I really can’t close my underwear drawer, I knew my undie hoarding problem was getting serious. This is not the case with bras. I only own, like, three bras to my 300 pairs of underwear. The problem is that I get sentimentally attached to my undies and can’t throw them away. They are not panties, they are memories. The first step is talking about some of the most important (no longer necessary to keep) pairs in my underwear drawer. Maybe this will give me the strength to toss them … and the 265 other pairs I don’t need. Keep reading »
Forget that cotton scent. Thanks to Le Slip Francais, men will soon have the option of wearing scented underwear that smells of musk and pears, France’s The Local reports.
The French undergarment company has raised more than 19,000 euros (about $25,000) on a crowdfunding site to launch its “Indomitable” brand, which promises afresh scent for up to 30 washes.
While wearers will still have to throw the underwear in the rinse cycle regularly — unlike the Wool & Prince shirt that can remain odor-free for up to 100 days without washing — the company promises that the microcapsules will spread the scent evenly throughout the underwear with each wash. Read more on Huffington Post Weird News…
So many tacky things come from Australia (see also: “Crocodile Dundee”), and Durex’s new “Fundawear” collection is no exception. The condom brand spent countless R&D dollars to create a new kind of underwear with sensors attached that allow lovers to touch each others parts from far away. Yes, technology!
The company employed technology used to make mobile phones vibrate for the panties, if you catch my drift. Each piece can be reached via a mobile phone app which gives partners the opportunity to arouse one another by touching corresponding buttons on their phones.
Durex has set up a Facebook page for the product, which they’re calling the “future of foreplay.” Interested Facebook fans can sign up to try the “Fundawear.” It seems like this could potentially be dangerous/hilarious/embarrassing if people wore Fundawear, say, to the office or something. [Telegraph]
French retailer Inderwear describe their String Latéral Flash Bleu Alter underwear as “original and ultra sexy” one-sided g-strings that provide “comfort and lateral support by the [fabric's] high elastane content.”
I would like to hear from the guys here. Is the one-sided banana hammock thong a comfortable cut? Just curious. I would like to go on record saying that if I undressed a man and he was wearing these, he would be my new hero. Guys, you can buy a pair here if you want to impress the special lady in your life. Just make sure she has a sophisticated sense of humor. [Laughing Squid]
Spring Cleaning Week is forcing me to confront my hoarding tendencies. I know that hoarding is a serious mental illness that causes severe problem for many people. I don’t mean to use the term with any disrespect. I’m not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination. But let’s just put it this way: I can barely close my underwear drawer anymore. It’s getting to be a problem. I’m really good at buying new underwear, but not so much at throwing the old pairs away. Like, for instance, I still have a pair of paisley-printed, ’70s style briefs that my mother gave me in HIGH SCHOOL (I graduated from high school in 1996). They don’t fit anymore on account of the fact that they’ve been washed so many times that they no longer contain any elastic. They just fall right off my body. Yet, I can’t seem to bring myself to put them in the garbage can. They’re just so unique. Keep reading »
High school students wear underwear. Middle schoolers, even!
Crazy, I know. That’s who Victoria’s Secret’s new line, Bright Young Things, is targeting: the girls who are a little too young for the Pink line of mostly cotton panties, thongs, sweatpants and tees.
This is making lots of people upset.
Pink’s Bright Young Things line is an extension of those products, but marketed directly towards teens and tweens. Panties from the Bright Young Things lime include lacy panties and thongs with slogans reading “Feeling Lucky?”, “Call Me” and “Wild.” Said Limited Brands’ Chief Financial Officer Stuart Burgdoerfer at a conference in January, “When somebody’s 15 or 16 years old, what do they want to be? They want to be older, and they want to be cool like the girl in college, and that’s part of the magic of what we do at Pink.” Keep reading »
We’ve all heard/seen/experienced that moment of horror when there’s a blood stain on your pants. Whether it happened at the grocery store or in front of your besties, it’s kinda embarrassing. But have no fear, a new line of underwear has been developed to prevent that from ever happening again! Enter Thinx: a “period underwear” company started by 3 young women. The company’s slogan is: “Underwear for the 21st century. No more worries or embarrassment — just full support and style!”. The line of underwear starts at $28 and goes all the way to $78 for the fanciest pair. They range from the every day hip hugger style to special shapewear ones with two mini heating pad inserts. Wait…what?! This pair of panties has a secret compartment for heating pads?! Yes, this $68 “Shapewear Comfy Thinx” design has 2 heating pad compartments. Read more…
A few weeks ago, we asked readers to vote on a post they wanted me to write. The winner was BS facts about panties everyone thinks is true. Here it is!
It’s weird how we learn stuff about how to be a woman, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but my mom never sat down and talked with me about the horrors of visible panty lines (VPL) or the merits of thongs versus G-strings. I just soaked up these things through girly osmosis.
Except all of it may not be … true.
Keep reading »