I have this weird thing about lingerie. As soon as I decide to wear something sexy for a guy I’m seeing, I find myself both mentally unwilling and physically unable to re-wear that schoolgirl uniform, teddy, or what have you, for anyone else. For starters, I feel like it’s a form of sloppy seconds, a regifting that may or may not involve someone else’s leftover bodily fluids. I also feel like each piece of lingerie holds special memories with the lucky guy who got to see it, and I don’t need those thoughts rushing back when I’m about to get it on with someone else.
With that said, I’ve accumulated quite a collection of lingerie over the years— some totally sexy, and others frumpy as hell— that each have their own unique story. With the exception of some crotchless panties, dominatrix outfits and pasties that didn’t have very thrilling back stories, here are some pictures and tales of my intimates… Keep reading »
Fifty Shades Of Grey author E. L. James may not be the best writer, but the woman knows how to make a buck: last month she introduced Fifty Shades lingerie. The line is sold by Swedish retailer KappAhl and features undergarments and nightgowns in red, black and (of course) grey. As you can see in this elegant commercial for the Fifty Shades line, the looks are silky, classy and tame — Christian Grey would approve. It’s too bad KappAhl is only available in Europe. I hear they pair well with Fifty Shades Of Grey-themed wine and desserts — and nine months later, baby onesies. [KappAhl; Wall Street Journal]
In case your underwear wasn’t imposing enough already, Microsoft is now working on a “smart bra” that can monitor your heart and skin to prevent overeating. Prototypes of the bras are embedded with sensors that seek out changes in the body’s stress levels and inform the bra’s wearer (How does it inform them exactly? Flashing lights? A robot voice telling them to put that donut down?). Since high stress can trigger emotional eating, its goal is to get women to stop and think before chowing.
According to a paper explaining the results of a project in which four women wore the prototype bras, the stress-level warnings “served as a health intervention to encourage the person to be more active or consume less food.” Slightly creepy, but okay. Keep reading »
This picture here? This is lingerie for kids. The mesh lace over the belly and the butt? The lace on the sides? If I wasn’t convinced already due to my own familiarity with lingerie as a grownup lady, I would turn right to the Porscha Starr press release and its vehement protestations that their lingerie for kids as young as eight is “age-appropriate” and not lingerie:
Intimate apparel has never been created for all women of all ages, until now. … Porscha Starr Lingerie will launch the first adolescent apparel collection in the United States. In the past retailers have failed to present a comfortable selection that is not only socially acceptable by parents but age appropriate for its target market. … Porscha Starr is well known for its sexy, edgy, alluring, futuristic, fashion forward designs. However this line is NOT to be confused with lingerie. The Starrlett collection is a charming, appealing and most important an age appropriate line fashioned specifically for young girls. Keep reading »
A company called AR Wear is offering a wearable line of protection for “when things go wrong”. What does that mean exactly? Well, to put it bluntly, they’ve invented anti-rape shorts. AR Wear has taken their product to Indiegogo to gather funding to make these shorts a large-scale reality. Read more on College Candy…
Ladies, you thought your underwear was doing its job — keeping your precious lady bits in place, modestly covered and safe from the elements. But you were wrong! You need underwear that does more, more, more! Especially when you’re on your period. May we suggest Simple Necessit-Ease undies? They look like regular panties in every single way, except they contain a secret polyester, waterproof, breathable lining. You need this when Aunt Flo is visiting because it provides protection from leakage, and will, says Simple Necessit-Ease founder Grace Soohoo, prevent period blood leaks from getting all over your outfit. Or, you could, you know, regularly change your tampon. Either way, these actually sound like a good idea in the days leading up to your period, when you’re not sure when it’ll arrive. We’re especially fond of the boyshorts style. [Simple Necessit-Ease]
Originally appeared on Role/Reboot. Republished here with permission.
I threw away all my underwear today. Scratch that. Today, I threw away all of my underwear that would be classified as “lacy little things,” “thongs,” or, in Victoria’s Secret parlance, “cheekies.” Scratchy, itchy, barely-there? It had to go.
I have never lived alone, but in two weeks I will be moving into my first solo apartment. I will be sans-roommate, single girl-ing all up in this city; I am woman, hear me roar! Among the many horrid chores of moving, there is one beacon of joy: the Great Purge. I am a packrat by nature — note every 5K bib I’ve preserved, the melted plastic cup twisted by a deck fire, the tile from the floor of a hostel in San Juan — but moving is the kick in the butt I need to separate what I hoard sentimentally (all of the above) and what I hoard lazily.
The underwear is lazy. No pair has been purchased in the last four years. No pair has been worn more than five times. No pair brings a smile to my face or a steamy memory to the forefront of my mind. The truth, quite simply, is that I hate them all. About a hundred bucks and eight ounces of lace and elastic are now buried by garbage and I feel fantastic. Keep reading »
Warning, the commercial for Liquid Lapdance, the world’s first male undergarment designed specifically for lap dances, is very NSFW and it contains a simulated lap dance that looks nothing like any I’ve ever seen before (and I’ve been to a few strip clubs in my time). But, let’s watch it together and try to make sense of it. That was interesting, you’re probably thinking, but I still have not a clue as to how Liquid Lapdance underwear work. Well, according to the website, “the best strip club invention since the pole,” are men’s underwear (never shown) with a soft-latex extension that moisturizes and lubricates the penis, provides room for an erection, takes the pain out of those pesky “dry lap dances” and holds semen after an orgasm so dudes can relax and focus on what’s important: making it rain. Keep reading »
Back in April, I promised myself that I was going to do a much needed cleaning out my underwear drawer. I’m going to be real with you: it still hasn’t happened. Instead, all I’ve done is buy MORE panties. I can’t resist the seven pairs for $26.50 at Aerie. It’s such a good deal! So, when I discovered that after my latest panty spree, I really can’t close my underwear drawer, I knew my undie hoarding problem was getting serious. This is not the case with bras. I only own, like, three bras to my 300 pairs of underwear. The problem is that I get sentimentally attached to my undies and can’t throw them away. They are not panties, they are memories. The first step is talking about some of the most important (no longer necessary to keep) pairs in my underwear drawer. Maybe this will give me the strength to toss them … and the 265 other pairs I don’t need. Keep reading »