Tag Archives: ugly

How To Make Yourself Look Fabulously Ugly With Makeup Apps

Over the summer, I joined a group on Facebook for makeup tips, and one of the geniuses there alerted the group to the existence of makeup apps, specifically ModiFace and Perfect365. The apps are meant to apply makeup to your pictures so that when you post them on social media you don’t look like a hermit. Theoretically, these apps were perfect for this particular group of people, because we were all writers and freelancers and other creative types who work from home and therefore have very little impetus to put a lot of thought into our appearance. We could have made them work for their intended purposes, to make us more presentable in our photos. Instead, we chose to make art.

So, first, you have to take a photo of yourself. You can do it with flattering photos, but why would you? Keep reading »

Do Not Want: For Shame Martin Margiela, For Shame!

Do Not Want: Sheer Hat
Wait. Why does this exist? Read More »
Do Not Want: WTF Sneakers
Python print, studs, neon, embroidery, oh my! Read More »
Do Not Want: Baja Hoodie
Stoner style for $400?! No thanks. Read More »
Do Not Want: Feathers
Did a tropical bird just run into her head? Read More »

You know all those times when you’re like, “Gee, I wish I had some pasty white people leg tights?” No? You don’t want those? Well, too bad, because Maison Martin Margiela has fashioned the perfect pair of skin-crawlingly Caucasian-flavored tights. These bad boys also include a rather menacing black stripe right across the thighs. Do you feel uncomfortable yet? How about when I tell you they originally retailed for more than $700? How about now? [LN-CC]

Oh God, The Horror: Uggs Has A Wedding Line Now

Nearly Naked Wedding Gown
For the exhibitionist bride... Read More »
Weddings Are Dumb
Here's 11 reasons weddings are actually pretty stupid. Read More »

Look, as the wedding industrial complex has no doubt told us all since we were in the womb, weddings are lady people’s One Very Special Day. So by all means, if you want to blow your wad on a pair of kicks from Ugg’s Bridal Collection, go crazy. But don’t think for one second I am not going to judge the ever living hell out of you. Uggs wants you to walk down the aisle in these crappers — you and your bridesmaids. But if you do, I’m going to assume that you really wanted to be on the show “Bridezilla,” and that you’re probably some kind of half woman-half monster chimera. Just saying. [BrideFinds]

Do Not Want: The United States Of Sunglasses

Do Not Want: Pants
Ugh, these evil genie pants are horrible. Read More »
Do Not Want: Wang Boots
Ugh, these boots are terrible. Read More »
Do Not Want: Feathers
Did a tropical bird just run into her head? Read More »
Do Not Want: Molting Boots
Pretty sure these boots are shedding their exoskeleton. Read More »

You know, I want to see the 50 states, but I don’t need to see through them. These Jeremy Scott sunglasses don’t seem to differentiate between the two. [$208, Amazon]

Do Not Want: The Scuba Romper

Do Not Want: Wang Boots
Ugh, these boots are terrible. Read More »
Do Not Want: Pants
Ugh, these evil genie pants are horrible. Read More »
Do Not Want: Keychain
A keychain...that comes with keys. Dumb. Read More »

This “Structured Playsuit” is confusing for a number of reasons. It’s made out of neoprene fabric, which is what wet suits are made of, but the model is definitely wearing it with high heels, on dry land. It’s being sold at a trendy fashion retailer, but it looks like it would be much more appropriate hanging on the rack of a surf shop. It is theoretically a waterproof garment, but there are giant mesh panels across the shoulders. Where would you wear something like this? Maybe an “Under The Sea” themed cocktail party? Honestly I don’t think I get invited to enough of those to justify the expense. [$81, ASOS]

Learning to Love Him More: Your Boyfriend’s Coyote Mountain Man Hat

When your boyfriend first brought home his Coyote Mountain Man Hat, you were mortified. He was, after all, wearing a full, skinned coyote on his head. It was…hideous. And yet, you couldn’t look away. You were held rapt by its slack ears lying dormant above your boyfriend’s sparkling blue eyes. You gazed in wonder at Coyote Hat’s bushy, long tail. Suddenly, you saw your boyfriend in a whole new light. He was a warrior–a warrior who had gone online and paid $299.95 to have a dead animal shipped to your house so that he could wear it atop his head. It was, after all, the perfect accompaniment to his Saturday afternoon Affliction tee and cargo shorts ensemble. And it was then, after reckoning with Coyote Hat and all that it meant to your boyfriend–and finally, to you–that you realized you had to dump him. He was a total loser.

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular