Over the summer, I joined a group on Facebook for makeup tips, and one of the geniuses there alerted the group to the existence of makeup apps, specifically ModiFace and Perfect365. The apps are meant to apply makeup to your pictures so that when you post them on social media you don’t look like a hermit. Theoretically, these apps were perfect for this particular group of people, because we were all writers and freelancers and other creative types who work from home and therefore have very little impetus to put a lot of thought into our appearance. We could have made them work for their intended purposes, to make us more presentable in our photos. Instead, we chose to make art.
So, first, you have to take a photo of yourself. You can do it with flattering photos, but why would you? Keep reading »
You know all those times when you’re like, “Gee, I wish I had some pasty white people leg tights?” No? You don’t want those? Well, too bad, because Maison Martin Margiela has fashioned the perfect pair of skin-crawlingly Caucasian-flavored tights. These bad boys also include a rather menacing black stripe right across the thighs. Do you feel uncomfortable yet? How about when I tell you they originally retailed for more than $700? How about now? [LN-CC]
Look, as the wedding industrial complex has no doubt told us all since we were in the womb, weddings are lady people’s One Very Special Day. So by all means, if you want to blow your wad on a pair of kicks from Ugg’s Bridal Collection, go crazy. But don’t think for one second I am not going to judge the ever living hell out of you. Uggs wants you to walk down the aisle in these crappers — you and your bridesmaids. But if you do, I’m going to assume that you really wanted to be on the show “Bridezilla,” and that you’re probably some kind of half woman-half monster chimera. Just saying. [BrideFinds]
You know, I want to see the 50 states, but I don’t need to see through them. These Jeremy Scott sunglasses don’t seem to differentiate between the two. [$208, Amazon]
This “Structured Playsuit” is confusing for a number of reasons. It’s made out of neoprene fabric, which is what wet suits are made of, but the model is definitely wearing it with high heels, on dry land. It’s being sold at a trendy fashion retailer, but it looks like it would be much more appropriate hanging on the rack of a surf shop. It is theoretically a waterproof garment, but there are giant mesh panels across the shoulders. Where would you wear something like this? Maybe an “Under The Sea” themed cocktail party? Honestly I don’t think I get invited to enough of those to justify the expense. [$81, ASOS]
When your boyfriend first brought home his Coyote Mountain Man Hat, you were mortified. He was, after all, wearing a full, skinned coyote on his head. It was…hideous. And yet, you couldn’t look away. You were held rapt by its slack ears lying dormant above your boyfriend’s sparkling blue eyes. You gazed in wonder at Coyote Hat’s bushy, long tail. Suddenly, you saw your boyfriend in a whole new light. He was a warrior–a warrior who had gone online and paid $299.95 to have a dead animal shipped to your house so that he could wear it atop his head. It was, after all, the perfect accompaniment to his Saturday afternoon Affliction tee and cargo shorts ensemble. And it was then, after reckoning with Coyote Hat and all that it meant to your boyfriend–and finally, to you–that you realized you had to dump him. He was a total loser.