When I look out the window right now, I see snow blanketing New York City, further sign that Punxsutawney Phil wasn’t joking when he saw his shadow and predicted four more months of winter. And while I am longing for the warmer temperatures of spring, one thing is giving me pause. The fact that, according to every fashion magazine I’ve picked up in the last month, hideous, chunky, clunky, sporty sandals, seemingly inspired by what I consider to be the ugliest footwear ever imagined, Tevas (yes, more so than Birkenstocks OR Uggs!), are apparently all the rage for spring. Seriously, there’s a whole spread of them in the new issue of Lucky. And all of these shoes above, currently available at your favorite stupidly pricey e-boutique, are priced at $500-$800. I SWEAR. All together now … DO! NOT! WANT!
Look at this model. It’s like she’s saying, “I’m a sad, sexy clown! I’m a pouty mime!” Plus, she’s got these stupid platform shoes-cum-skis on her feet. And yes, the models were required to somehow get down the runway in these monsters. Gianni Molaro — the wizard behind these looks — exhibited his collection as part of the Alta Moda Alta Roma fashion week, aimed at giving young and upcoming designers exposure.
We really couldn’t get over these weirdo ski shoes, so we’ve collected a bunch of other shots from the collection, after the jump.
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These Celine mink heels are from the brand’s Spring/Summer 2013 collection — and they are giving me the major creeps. Designed, apparently, out of Muppets the designers trapped and killed, these heels come in an array of blinding hues. Celine designer Phebe Philo doesn’t usually go so extremely, crazily wrong, but these heels are offensive for animal lovers, Muppet fans, and people with any sense of taste.
I don’t know anything about the story behind these shoes, but I do know that this picture makes an extremely compelling argument for gun control and veganism. [Cheezburger]
Shailene Woodley, one of my best dressed picks from last night’s Golden Globes. decided to dress down for the after parties. Well, she dressed down her feet anyway. Woodley — who stars in Best Picture winner, “The Descendants” — changed from her Marchesa frock into a black gown … and then put on a pair of those awful, but apparently comfortable, five-toed running shoe things before heading to an InStyle party. Fashion types are appalled; seriously, I can see the steam coming out of Anna Wintour’s ears from my window! [via NYMag.com]
I’ve seen and worn some really ugly shoes in my lifetime, namely a pair of cheetah-print velour space boot-looking things. But I was 19 and am now blaming youth for that fashion blunder. Who or what will Miista blame for its hideous Mesh Toehold Boot? I’m not sure which offends me more, the toe strap or that these shoes are a poor representation of a hybrid shoe. In my opinion, the mesh is unnecessary and adds a cheesy quality to the “boot.” And let’s just be serious, this isn’t a boot! What’s even more shocking is that these shoes have received a rating of five stars from three reviewers. Maybe I’m the one who is crazy? Maybe on some fashion planet I have yet to visit the Miista Mesh Toehold Boot is hot?! What say you; do you like ‘em or not?
C’mon, Converse, you could not possibly be serious with this shoe. This sandal is a travesty. As an environmentalist, I am appalled. No one is going to buy this shoe and then every single pair you’ve produced is going to end up in a landfill somewhere. The phrase is “Earth first,” Converse, not “Hideous sandal/hightop hybrid first, Earth second.” Shame on you. [$40, Converse] Keep reading »
FitFlop, purveyors of unattractive but not terrifying “toning” flip-flops for those who want to look fit without actually working out, has unleashed a fresh hell on us all. And what is that hell, you ask? It’s clogs. Plastic, studded and shiny in all the wrong places, the new FitFlop clogs could easily be Crocs’ flashy cousin, and we were hoping that family line would die out, not expand. Would you wear these to tone your tush or is it not worth the sacrifice? [FabSugar] Keep reading »
There’s this thing about designer shoes that we really hate: People seem to think it’s OK for them to be arse ugly and write it off as avant-garde. Well, Rochas, we’re not buying it. In fact, your new mules are so hideous we’re having a hard time even looking at them. There was a seed of a good idea in the mustard-colored alligator iteration of the shoes, but rhinestones and metallic leather? We’re sick to our stomachs. [Fashion Indie] Keep reading »
Joss Stone is good at a lot of things, like singing and getting tattoos. Wanna know what she’s not so good at? Designing shoes. As evidence to support this claim, we present early images of Stone’s shoe collaboration with Nine West. Part of the brand’s American Vintage Collection, the kicks are allegedly inspired by the American countryside with, according to Joss, a little help from her own tattoos (look closely and you can sort of make out the “tattoos” on the shoes themselves). Perhaps these shoes really are American Vintage-looking and we just don’t get it, but we can’t help but feel they’re less suited for use by humans and more appropriate for a rather skanky yeti. Because, really, in what other world do thigh-high, faux-shearling boots with braided rope and tattoo detailing make sense? [The Cut] Keep reading »