If you use Twitter, you know that in the lower right-hand corner of your page, there is always a list of the top 10 “trending topics” that tells you what everyone is tweeting about. Sometimes everyone’s got “paranormal activity” or Taylor Swift on the brain, but oftentimes, people sound off on random topic ideas. Fun, right?

Well, things “a real wife ...” should do has become a trending topic on Twitter and just wait until you read the hardy-har-har list of things people have come up with! I know some people are being silly and joking, but it’s got to be some statement on gender roles if literally hundreds of people are suggesting “a real wife” should keep her man happy with food and sex. Or maybe these clowns are just confusing a real wife with “A Real Housewife”? After the jump, the most barf-tastic, as well as funniest, favorites.

Has someone hacked Britney’s Twitter or is she really discovering a fondness for Lucifer? [Twitter]

Chris Brown‘s camp, i.e. minuscule people we’ve never heard of, like dancers and friends, have responded to Rihanna‘s interview on “Good Morning America” yesterday and today, and not surprisingly, they claim she’s to blame for the assault. They say she lied during the interview and was a different person and that this is a ploy for her to sell more albums. Check out the ridiculous claims after the jump.

Remember last week when we shared a deep thought from Levi Johnston‘s Twitter page, and Wednesday night when William Shatner did a dramatic reading of Levi’s tweets? Well, those words were not actually written by our favorite Alaskan hunk. That’s right, Levi has a Twitter imposter, just like Tina Fey and “Hour of Power” televangelist Robert H. Schuller. Levi’s lawyer is on the case—he’s demanding that Twitter take the page down and that Conan O’Brien, who introduced that William Shatner segment with the sentence “All real ... we did not make these up,” retract the segment. Sorry, I understand if you need a good cry now. [Huffington Post]

How cute! Twitter jewelry! Do we think Demi Moore has bought herself this @mrskutcher necklace to show off her Twitter pride? Whether Demi wears her Tweeting handle around her neck or not, I’ll be ordering one for myself so all the folks I charm at parties know they should follow @jessicawakeman on Twitter for more. Besides, it’s totally like Miss Bradshaw’s “Carrie” necklace from “Sex & The City,” only with a 2009 twist. Prices vary. [Survival Of The Hippest]

My weird obsession with Levi Johnston has only been made that much more die-hard ever since I discovered his Twitter. Unfortunately, Levi recently made his feed private (unlike his soon-to-be-seen wang), but not before my beloved Captain Kirk William Shatner got a hold of the best ones for a reading on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien.”

I’ve become slightly, nerdishly obsessed with the Twitter feed for Fake AP Stylebook. See, for us writer types, Associated Press style has been the grammar and spelling rulebook chasing at our heels ever since journalism school. The web has made certain AP style points archaic, but for the most part it’s still the copy editor’s Bible. However, the Fake AP Stylebook Twitter offers hilarious suggestions for the modern writer/blogger. Seven of my faves, after the jump…

Get your spirit fingers ready! Today’s episode of “It’s On With Alexa Chung” is gonna be super-duper gay. [Twitter]

Levi Johnston has more than a foot in his mouth and a soon-to-be-revealed snake in his pants—he’s got wit too! [Twitter]

Are you on Twitter and looking for more followers? Take your tweet campaign to the streets with these “Follow Me” knee-high socks created by Tel Aviv design team Gabby and Tal. With this Twitter faux tattoo, the invite and bird will encourage prospective followers to add you to their list. Of course, it’s also possible you’ll draw some attention from suitors who think you’re in the market for a stalker, not a Twitter groupie. But that’s a fashionista risk you’ll have to take. [NOTCOT]

What is it about Miley Cyrus that attracts the hardcore looney toons? One fan is so upset about Miley shutting down her Twitter account that she is threatening to kill her cat Fuzzy, cook him, and eat him if Milz doesn’t reopen the account by Nov. 16. While I can’t seem to actually find said website (here’s hoping this is a hoax?), here’s what many blogs are quoting this girl as saying.

“Let me clarify: This is NOT a prank or a hoax. I am not joking, even if some will choose to interpret it that way. Cooking a cat is not illegal in my country, in fact it’s part of our culture. I’m not asking for money or any other benefit. Fuzzy is my cat and I will not entertain any offers of selling or giving him away. If Miley doesn’t tweet again, this WILL happen, and I’m as serious as a heart attack ... Fuzzy’s life is hanging by a thread and will end if I do not achieve my goal. Ultimately, Miley is the only one who has the power to save Fuzzy.” [oceanUP.com]

Doesn’t this chick know Miley is more into dogs?

Thank God someone is here to ask the really important questions in life. [Twitter]

Last week, I had the pleasure of sipping Earl Grey at the Russian Tea Room while listening to Anna Post (Emily’s great-great-granddaughter) and anthropologist Genevieve Bell discuss etiquette as it pertains to technology. The event was hosted by Intel, which just completed a study on tech etiquette that shows that people believe there are unspoken rules when it comes to technology use, but we haven’t been able to agree on what those are.

Anna and Genevieve spoke to these differences in opinion, agreeing that we’re in a transitional period. There’s no clear-cut answer to the question, “Can I use my phone in the bathroom? just yet. Mobile devices and programs, like Facebook and Twitter, are still relatively new, and society needs a little more time to figure out how to be polite about using them. But Anna did share some advice. ...

You know how people say that being held accountable (to others, not just yourself, that is) actually helps weight loss? When you have to show up for a previously scheduled training appointment, you are way more apt to workout than if you just “try” to get to the gym every night. And when you head to, say, one of those Weight Watchers meetings, you are more likely to not overeat because once a week you have to face the music about your daily menus. Now, with the help of Twitter, some people are taking this accountability concept to the Nth degree—Tweet What You Eat, known to its users as twye, is the latest diet craze. The concept is simple: It’s an online food diary where you log absolutely everything you eat and drink. All you have to do is set up an account (or log in if you’re already on Twitter) and start tweeting away. The idea is that if you are forced to write down everything you put in your mouth, for all to see, you’ll think twice about eating that second (or third) slice of cake. Would you try out this online food diary? Or are you more private about your consumption? [Daily Mail]

Twitter has taken over the world, it seems, and there’s a pretty good chance if you see someone on their phone, they’re pouring over incoming Tweets or making their own updates. So obviously, there’s a need for Twitter-based search engines. That’s So Swag is the newest app and search engine for anything fashion-and-Twitter-related. It even generates the top ten trending topics so you know just what fashion insiders are Twit-sessing over.

Our boys at Asylum have created the handy “10 Things You Should Never Tweet After Sex” guide. Their post-coital Twitter no-nos include “LOL, looks like the condom slipped off, hope she didn’t notice,” “Not as good as her mom, but not bad,” and “It’s confirmed, I’m definitely gay.” Here are 10 tweets the ladies should avoid after doing the horizontal mambo.

Lindsay Lohan posted these tweets, seemingly to explain why she and Samantha Ronson aren’t seen together so much these days. Thank God, because we were so wondering.

When Miley Cyrus shut down her Twitter account last week, most peeps (ourselves included) assumed it was because her new dude told her to. But in the video above, Miley refutes that, saying that she nixed her account because she was sick of documenting the minutest minutiae of her life. She definitely has a point but, uh, did she really have to make this faux rap video complete with her friends as backup dancers? This is more embarrassing than her pole dance, in my opinion.

This week’s Star proclaims that a “95 lb” Tori Spelling collapsed because she was so thin and fragile. Spelling responded by taking to her Twitter and daring them to come over, scale in hand, for a little tea weighing session. Dude, what if they say yes? [Twitter]

Sensitive skin types listen up: Kelly Osbourne wants you to know that British body spray Impulse will wreck your skin. She wants you to know so very much that she Twittered a pic of her unfortunate-looking underarm burn. TMI or PSA? [Twitter, 10/5/09]