Tag Archives: twilight

“Vampires Suck” Looks Like It … Sucks


I’m still reeling from the atrocity that was “Date Movie,” but now Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are back to make fun of “Twilight” and all the other fangy movies and TV shows with the flick “Vampires Suck.” I’m not sure why they wasted all that production value on churning out these movies. But even more so, I’m annoyed at how out of control they’ve gotten. Is it really necessary to parody like 40 movies at once and insert a zillion pop culture references? What does “Alice in Wonderland” have to do with vampires? And why do the actors look more like the actors from “Twilight” than the actors from “Twilight” look like themselves? I’ll admit that the Black Eyed Peas joke made me chuckle, but it just seems silly to parody a movie that is already so ridiculously silly half the time. That paper-cut scene actually happened! That’s not parody. That’s just mimicking. [NYMag.com] Keep reading »

Quotable: How To Make A Vampire Penis

“The color was the biggest thing. It had to look like vampire skin. … The other problem was the sparkle: It had to sparkle in the sunlight. If it didn’t sparkle in the sunlight, the whole idea was dead. … We did have people write in and tell us that Edward was bigger than that.”

–Jon Condit, who (claims to have) designed the “Twilight” dildo, “The Vamp,” explains how he (supposedly) replicated Edward Cullen’s wang [Salon] Keep reading »

The New Way To Say “I Heart You” — With Bite Marks?

Remember in high school when you’d get a hickey and proudly show it off the next day at school? Oh wait, you didn’t do that—you were too busy covering that thing up with a turtleneck even if it was 100 degrees out. Well, let’s just say that today’s teenagers are obviously devolving (remember how they’re getting high off on morning glory seeds?) and are way more into making their personal life public than we were. They’re also obsessed with vampires and vampiric love stories, thanks to “Twilight,” “True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries,” etc. So it was only a matter of time before giving your makeout partner bite marks became the new hickey. Yep, that’s right. Teens are biting each other—hard—on the arms, neck, and even face to show their affection. According to a CNN intern, “High schoolers say it’s a way to show someone you care about them and that you are chosen—just like in the movies. Bite marks have now even started to be a status symbol.”

So what do you think—are bite marks hot or … ouch? [CNN] Keep reading »

Was The Hair And Makeup In “Eclipse” Distracting?

It would be inaccurate to call me a Twihard. But I guess I could be defined as a Twisoft. Meaning, I’ve never read the books, but thanks to a sister who LOVES the franchise, I have been to the opening-night midnight screenings of both “New Moon” and, on Tuesday night (Wednesday morning?), “Eclipse.” I do have to say that the movie was good—and it better be, as the midnight screening alone brought in $30 million. But while I was watching the movie unfold, I was probably the only person in the theater who had no idea what was going to happen, and I kept fixating on two things. First, “Twilight” fans bring some bizarre foods to the movies. The teenagers in front of me were chowing down on crackers and Cheese Wiz from a can. Another person across the theater appeared to have a pineapple.

Second, I couldn’t help but notice that IMAX is very unforgiving. So much of “Eclipse” is close-up shots, meaning that Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and the rest of the cast had their faces magnified to the point where they were two stories tall. And, uh, it didn’t do such great things for them. Keep reading »

Elena Kagan Asked For Her Views On Edward Vs. Jacob


After a long day of answering questions during the confirmation hearings, Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan was finally asked a question about an issue that matters to 13-year-olds. Unfortunately, she did not have an answer. Don’t you just love it when politicians try and be funny? Keep reading »

Quotable: “Eclipse” Producer Outs Kristen Stewart And Robert Pattinson As An Actual Couple

“Oh my God, I hope they stay together. Because it could be awkward on set in the next movie if they have a huge falling out. It’s like, wow, they have to portray this love story through two more movies. God, I hope they stay together; please stay together.”

—”Eclipse” producer Wyck Godfrey’s response when asked about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Wait, did he forget that their relationship status is supposed to be a big secret and that he’s supposed to give some snarky answer about how he’s the one pregnant with Robert’s baby? [NY Daily News] Keep reading »

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