It’s the weekend before Thanksgiving, so as you’re preparing for the feast and practicing your competitive-eating game face, don’t forget that you need breaks for good behavior. Plus, if you eat a giant tub of popcorn, you might manage to stretch your belly as if you were consuming popping peanuts, which will allow you to hold more food than the portions you were planning on holding in your cheeks like a hamster. This week, get some humanity with “The Blind Side,” learn that we’re all aliens to someone in “Planet 51,” get your teen wolf heartthrob quota met with “The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” and learn about Latin love with “Broken Embraces.”

This woman clearly has far, far too much time on her hands. Maybe she wants to come dust my apartment to feel like a productive member of society? Anyway, all I can say about this video is ... and you guys got on my case about ogling 17-year-old Taylor? [BuzzFeed]

According to our buddies over at Cracked, some chick flicks secretly hate women. Who’d've thunk it? After reading the list, we’d have to agree. Some movies for ladies really do appear to think less of women than you’d think. Take, for example, “Twilight.” Edward is a killer, and Bella ... doesn’t really care? When Edward says he’d like to suck Bella’s blood, Bella replies: “I trust you.” Cracked’s Erica Cantin asserts: “Any girl with the self-esteem of a shoe would call it a day right there.” Find out the other anti-women chick flicks here. [Cracked]

I have never in my life heard as much squealing as I did during last night’s midnight showing of “New Moon.” While I thought that perhaps some Twihards old enough to legally drink would come out for the first showing, as I arrived at the theater with my posse of eight, circa 9 p.m., we instantly felt a little old joining the line of mostly 18-to-20-year-olds. Almost everyone in front of us wore a Twilight-themed shirt—most of them handmade—with slogans like “Bite Me, Edward” and “Taylor, Can I Feel Your Abs?” Others had dribbled fake blood by their lips or painted red dots on their neck, and one especially enterprising young woman came dressed as one of the Volturi, complete with a cape. At 10 p.m., the theater ushers finally let us all into the theater. And approximately every 15 minutes afterwards, someone would shout, “An hour and a half until ‘New Moon,’” or “Just 20 minutes left,” to thunderous applause and whooping. I won’t lie—there was an in-theater wave. And when the house lights finally went down, I think I heard tears coming from the girl sitting beside me. Soon after, the trailer for “Remember Me” came on, and the whole theater lost it. But, surprisingly, it was Taylor Lautner‘s first appearance on screen that got the biggest hoots and hollers of the evening.

But enough of the play-by-play. After the jump, my favorite overheard quotes of the night.

All this craziness over Team Edward or Team Jacob is getting old real fast, so don’t come around here with your mugs and t-shirts. I don’t care which team you’re on. It’s just disrespectful to the other “New Moon” hotties! In this flick there is a plethora of vamps and wolves panting and wanting your blood, and, like I always say in bars, go for the cross-eyed one and you won’t get hurt. They might not have Jacob’s abs or Edward’s broodiness, but I’d still totally let them poke me with their stakes.

I’m pretty fascinated by this article in Details about die-hard “Twilight” fans in their 30s and 40s who are visiting Forks, Washington, for a “Twilight” convention. I used to think these so-called “Twimoms” were absolutely nuts, but now I just sort of feel bad for them. The women admit that they are in loveless, boring marriages and that for them, “Twilight”—specifically Edward—is an escape from the drone of daily life. Most of them drool over this made-up character because they think he’s the closest to an expressive, passionate man they can get. But that doesn’t mean these women aren’t uber weird. After the jump, a few of their strangest habits ...

Earlier in the week, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner made the talk show rounds. But with “New Moon” opening tonight at midnight (yes, I’ll be there), it’s time to send out the big gun—Robert Pattinson. Last night, he did “Letterman” and this morning he stopped by “Today.” Check out the clips below.

“New Moon,” the second movie in the Twilight Saga, hits theaters this Friday, and it seems the owner of what is used as the Cullen’s home in the film has decided to cash in on the franchise’s popularity by putting his home on the market this week. The five-bedroom West Vancouver house features an outdoor pool, hot tub, and a koi pond on a 1/2-acre of land, along with 20-foot ceilings and a chef’s kitchen. Twihards are probably salivating at the mouth, dying to live in—or see!—the place Edward and his fam call home, but it won’t be cheap or easy. Viewings of the house are by appointment only, and the asking price is $3,298,000. The Cullens certainly did well for themselves. [Jason Soprovich via Luxist]

OK, most of the webiverse will want to kill me for admitting this ... but I just don’t get the “Twilight” obsession. I read the first book just to see what the hullabaloo was about and thought it was thoroughly “eh.” I’m not interested in reading the others, or following K-Stew and R-Patz’s are-they-or-aren’t-they drama, or lining up for a midnight showing of “New Moon” tomorrow night. And Miley Cyrus may be the only celeb on the planet who feels the same way as I do! In a recent interview with a Cleveland radio station, Miley said of the “Twilight” films, “I’ve never seen [them] and nor will I ever. I don’t believe in it. I don’t like vampires. I don’t like the wolf that pops out of the screen when I’m watching my TV at night. I don’t want anything to do with it.” I hear ya sister! [PopEater]

That said, I know that many of you out there are Twihards. And most celebs are with you—they will be there opening night ... with fangs on. After the jump, the stars who can’t wait for “New Moon.”

“[This mom said] ‘Excuse me Taylor…. I’m wearing the Team Taylor panties right now. Is there any way I can take them off for you and just have you sign ‘em quick?’…. And the daughter goes, ‘Mom, come on!’ The mother told her daughter, ‘Honey, don’t worry. This is what we do at these things.’ And security stepped in and said, ‘No ma’am, this is not what we’ll be doing.’”

—Taylor Lautner tells Entertainment Weekly about a mom-and-daughter duo he encountered while promoting “New Moon”

We don’t mean to sound harsh here, but it’s probably wise for Kristen Stewart to buckle down and get a stylist, or at least replace the one she’s presently working with, if she has one. She’s been looking a bit off at “New Moon” events all week, but when it comes to this getup, we can remain silent no more. Look closely at this very odd dress and notice the ill fit, unflattering silhouette and see-through panels that reveal her panty line and side boobs. What in the hell is going on here? Yes, the sheer trend is, like, a thing now, but it’s definitely one of those proceed-with-caution trends. We’re not even sure The Fashion Peacekeepers could find anything positive to say about this frock. It’s just puzzling.

I was an English major. And I read (and devoured) the Twilight books. My friends insist these things ought to be incompatible. I’m supposed to believe in standards! The Oxford comma! And the canon! And I do, but along with all of teenage America, I like Twilight too. And I’m completely unashamed ...

Another day, another Twilight headline. Today, Prospect.org has an interesting article in which writer Sady Doyle (who defended Megan Fox on The Frisky) points out how books in Stephenie Meyer‘s Twilight series are a smash hit (Breaking Dawn, for example, sold 1.3 million copies on its first day), but they get a hell of a lot of flak from ... well, everybody.

Dang, the naked celebrities sure are coming out of the woodwork today, heh. Nineteen-year-old “Twilight” (heard of it?) star Christian Serratos poses nude for a new PETA ad, just in time for the “New Moon” opening next week. Um, yeah. [PETA]

Taylor Lautner fans will see a whole lot of Taylor when ‘New Moon’ hits theaters. Even the newly bulked-up star has to laugh at one (of many) shirtless scene where he whips off his shirt to tend to a Kristen Stewart head-wound.

“I start laughing so hard every time I see that scene,” Lautner related at the ‘New Moon’ press day. “‘Oh you’re bleeding? Okay let me fix it.’ It’s so embarrassing.”

Sorry, but I haven’t gotten sick of making fun of “Twilight” yet. With its cheesy dialogue, hoards of screaming “Twihards” and complete and total sell-out status (think: “Twilight” tours, “Team Edward” T-shirts) I have no shortage of material. But I’ve been outdone by Ivy League satire specialists the Harvard Lampoon, who just released Nightlight, a 160-page book about an awkward geek named Edwart Mullen and his klutzy U-Haul-driving lover, Bella Goose. Edwart is a seriously craptastic driver and should the couple’s love continue to grow, Bella faces getting dismembered in a horrendous car accident. It’s a forgone conclusion that they’re going to get together, though, because Edwart likes the grapefruit-y smell of Bella’s blood. Oh yeah, and the front of the book reads, “About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him—which I assumed was wildly out of his control—that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.” Wait, what’s that I hear? Pre-teen girls all over the world are screaming in rage. Heh. [LA Times]

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are being even more confusing than usual this week. The December issue of Harper’s Bazaar hits newsstands soon, featuring the pair on the cover and in a hyper-romantic photo spread. The cover story is essentially all about their relationship—their first meeting (auditioning for “Twilight” and being thrown into a make-out scene together) and who is more romantic (Rob, apparently). Heck, for half of the story, the two even play the “Newlywed Game,” answering questions about who spends more time on their hair, who is more egotistical, and who is more superstitious. But wait, what’s this? In an Entertainment Weekly roundtable interview yesterday, Kristen got crazy worked-up and dropped a few f-bombs when asked about whether they are dating. Yeah, it’s really hard to understand why people want to know when you FAN THE FREAKING FLAMES.

Check out the photos and the best quotes from these interviews after the jump.

“[Robert Pattinson’s character in “Twilight”] is actually a really good parallel to fame. As a vampire, he has a sad, desolate life—fame is the same. [...] I don’t want to be a movie star like Angelina Jolie. Nothing about being a celebrity is desirable. I’m an actor. It’s bizarre to me that everybody’s so obsessive.”

— Kristen Stewart tells BlackBook what she really thinks about fame.

It’s hard to imagine Robert Pattinson as anything but a total stud who makes us cream our panties. But lo and behold, when director Catherine Hardwicke presented her casting choice to Twilight‘s producers, those goons weren’t sure this vampiric hunk was Edward material! (By his own admission, RPatz had been “getting drunk for a year” before.) In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hardwicke dished:

“[The producers] called me up and they literally said, ‘Catherine, do you think you can make this guy look good?’ So I said, ‘Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to get his hair back to a different color, do a different style. He would work with a trainer from now on. My cinematographer is great with lighting. He will study the cheekbones, and I promise you, we’ll make the guy look good.’”

Mission accomplished, indeed. After the jump, a smoldering Pattinson pic from Vanity Fair‘s dee-lish slideshow: