Tag Archives: trust

Dear Wendy: Is There Trust After Cheating?

I recently found out that my boyfriend had been sleeping with his married boss. I always had suspicions about their “friendship” and little details just started to come together, making the puzzle whole. Even though he denied it at first, he finally admitted to the infidelity. He said that that last time he slept with her was when we first started casually dating and he hasn’t since then. I really like him, may even love him, but how do I trust him now, especially when he’s around her all of the time? His place of employment is not just a job to him, but a career, so he’s afraid he’ll lose his job if anyone found out, which is his excuse for initially lying to me about it. I want to work through this, but I don’t know how I can trust him anymore. — Trustless

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Girl Talk: I Wanted To Be Dominated

I texted him as soon as I woke up.

“What do you want me to wear today?”

I brushed my teeth and washed my face while I waited for him to text me back.

“White button-down shirt. Tuck it in. Your jeans. Flats. Put your hair in a ponytail. Send me a photo.”

I dressed as instructed, then stood before the wall-length mirror in my apartment’s hallway. Smiling into the mirror, I snapped a photo on my iPhone and sent it to Ben*.

Thirty seconds later, a text message: “Very nice.” Then I knew I could leave for work.

Ben was not abusive. I was not being hurt, nor was I unhappy. We were in a dominant/submissive relationship — or playing at one, anyway — and following his orders got me unbelievably, unbelievably turned on. Keep reading »

Where Prostitutes Are More Trustworthy Than Politicians And Scientists

Insight China magazine conducted an online survey of 3,376 Chinese peeps about who they trusted. And their findings are pretty counter-intuitive—folks said that trusted prostitutes more than both government officials and scientists. In fact, prostitutes came in third place as a group, just above farmers and religious workers. The China Daily covered the study this week, saying, “Given the constant feed of scandals involving the country’s elite, this is not bad at all. At least [the scientists and politicians] have not slid into the least credible category which consists of real estate developers, secretaries, agents, entertainers and directors.” [AFP]

I don’t even know where to start with this one. It’s not that surprising that prostitutes beat out government officials who go nuts there with the censor-happy schtick. But prostitutes also beat out students and teachers. And what’s so bad about secretaries? Who would you guys rank as the most trustworthy? Frisky bloggers? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Keep reading »

Breakup Lesson #472: Trust Your Gut

When did I become the star of the Lifetime movie, “In Love With A Stranger”? (This movie does not exist yet, but it should.) Was this the way “General Hospital”‘s Elizabeth Webber felt when she found out her husband, Ric Lansing, had kidnapped Carly Corinthos and was keeping her locked up in a secret room in their house? Was this kind of betrayal what Janet Jackson was singing about on the song “What About?” How many songs, movies, and books have been penned about deception? Countless, I think. But there are two people I’ve been thinking about in particular, who seem like they would get what it feels like to find out you’d been lied to for years by the person you loved. They are Julie Metz, author of Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal, and my ex-fiance’s college girlfriend, who emailed me yesterday out of the blue. Keep reading »

Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Would You Ever Violate Her Privacy?

The other night, when I was having dinner with a guy friend who told me my engagement history might scare off some guys, we also discussed the issue of privacy in a relationship and how big of a deal it can be when that privacy is violated. He maintains that checking your partner’s email, cell phone call log, and text messages is totally wrong, whereas I think it’s wrong, but not pathological or evil. Frankly, I know many women who do the occasional cell phone check or email glance (and a few women who do oh-so-much more), but what about guys? Do they ever pilfer through their girlfriends’ inboxes and Facebook accounts? I went to four taken guys on IM to find out. Keep reading »

The Breakup Diaries: Damn The Distrust!

I’ve come to the conclusion that the absolute worst part of going through a breakup is that one of the common reactions is insane distrust — distrust of yourself, the person you were with, and of the relationship’s meaning. This is something I’ve been struggling with throughout my break/breakup/”separation” from my fiance, which has officially gone on for seven weeks exactly. Unfortunately, I may be aware that I’m filled with doubt, but I haven’t quite figured out how to stop doing it. After the jump, about 10,000 questions totally plaguing me. Keep reading »

The Monogamist: Blind Trust Isn’t A Bad Thing

It wasn’t until I’d had my man have sex with my roommate in my bed that I really understand how trust can be broken in a relationship. That was the first moment in my life that I’d ever had a total out-of-body experience. Along with it came the realization that I had no idea what had been happening practically right in front of me. The strangest part of the whole thing, surprisingly, wasn’t feeling that my heart had been ripped out, but rather that it was my stomach that was being ripped out, taking my heart, my throat, my head and everything else with it. Though I handled the situation the only way I knew how—a cathartic gut reaction of some crying (but mostly lots and lots of screaming), when I was done with that, the only thing I was left with was: What the hell happens now? Keep reading »

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