Attention Levi Johnston: show us your wang in Playgirl or go back to your kid in Wasilla. We’re tired of you complaining publicly about Sarah Palin, especially since you don’t have any new dirt!

The Governor of Alaska and Republican VP hopeful, Sarah Palin, has more drama in her life than the new 90210.  So before Lifetime makes her biopic, we decided to cast this lady’s dramatic life story in the hopes that someday they’ll finally script her personal plight that we’ve all come to know TMI about.  So who would star in this juicy little made-for-TV movie?  Here’s how we at The Frisky would do it!  Now we just have to wait for it to be produced and run in perpetuity next to infomercials for face creams and slicer/dicers…..

Sarah Palin: NRA-supporter Sarah Michelle Gellar is a sharp shooter who grew up around guns….although that’s sorta scary when you realize she was raised in New York City.  Needless to say, Gellar’s gotta be a tough broad who is made for TV and now TV movies. Even though SMG is 13 years Palin’s junior, you know they always cast adult women way younger—that’s the Hollywood magic.  Plus, Buffy’s gone brunette and if you’d slip a pair of wire frame glasses on her, they’d look like sisters.

The reviews are mixed when it comes to Sarah Palin’s big speech last night at the Republican National Convention, but one thing that isn’t up for debate is how damn FUNNY and adorable it was when little Piper Palin gave her little brother Trig a little spit grooming on camera.

Besides sharing a name with Matthew McConaughey’s son, Levi Johnston is also the soon-to-be father of Bristol Palin’s baby. He’s also, um, totally hot, if a bit Abercrombie for my taste. So who is this little rabble-rouser who has helped bring such scandalous national attention to the selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain’s running mate?

LOVES: There’s only one woman in Levi’s life as far as we can tell. The high school student (conflicting reports say he’s either 17 or 18) has been dating 17-year-old Bristol for at least five months—that’s how far along she is in her pregnancy—and according to the Palin camp, the two are planning on getting married. There are some conspiracy theorists who think that Bristol and Levi are already married—Levi’s sister Mercede’s MySpace page, which was public this weekend but is now set to private, referred to Sarah Palin as “Mommy Inlaw” (sic). Whatever the case may be,  Levi is already such a part of the Palin family that he’s even headed to the Republican National Convention to hear his future mama-in-law speak!

Thanks to Hurricane Gustav, the Republican National Convention’s “will it or won’t it happen” debate, and Sarah Palin, the media didn’t get much of a holiday this Labor Day, did they? The latter—Sarah Palin, the Governor from Alaska chosen to be Senator John McCain’s running mate—was an especially hot topic this weekend as news broke nearly every hour it seemed with some new revelation. Having spent the weekend absorbing every ounce of coverage on Palin, I woke up this morning with the clear hunch that Palin may end up dropping out of the VP spot this week—but not wanting to rush to judgment, I decided to weigh the various pros and cons of her leaving the race. Place your bets in the comments!