Tag Archives: traditional relationships

On Alisa Valdes’s Conflict With Feminism, Her Cowboy & Domestic Abuse

Jessica WakemanJanuary 14, 2013 //
'50s Men Desirable?
1950s man
Dubiously sourced study says women find '50s-era men desirable. Read More »
Traditional Men
I'm a feminist, but I want to date a more traditional dude. Read More »
DV Advice
court room
... from a prosecutor who has seen it all. Read More »
the feminist and the cowboy

If you’ve been reading the blogosphere lately, you’ve likely heard about Alisa Valdes and her memoir, The Feminist And The Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story. Valdes is the author several romance novels and the debut novel The Dirty Girls Social Club (as Valdes-Rodriguez), which landed her all kinds of accolades. She was even named one of the top feminist writers under 30 by Ms. magazine. Then, somewhere along the way, her feminist principles started to chafe: she felt like men were emasculated (“icky ‘liberal’ men,” she calls them in the book) and she resented feeling like women wore the pants. Soon Valdes fell for a Fox News-watching, macho cowboy who exuded an alpha male sexiness and she started to submit to him in their relationship. As the Amazon.com description of The Feminist And The Cowboy says, Valdes discovered ” “when men … act like men rather than like emasculated boys, you as a woman will find not only great pleasure in submitting to them but also great growth as a person.”

Alas, it didn’t quite work out the way. In fact, following the publication of The Feminist And The Cowboy, Valdes has now come forward to say the cowboy raped and physically and emotionally abused her.   Keep reading »

Dubiously Sourced Survey Says Women Find 1950s-Era Men The Most Desirable

Jessica WakemanDecember 24, 2012 //
Traditional Men
I'm a feminist, but I want to date a more traditional dude. Read More »
Being A Gentleman
What it means to be a gentleman in modern times. Read More »
Frisky Feminism!
Everything The Frisky has ever written about feminism! Read More »
1950s man

Women most desire the manners and appearance of men from the 1950s, according to a new survey by the men’s skincare brand, Scaramouche & Fandango. (Yes, that’s their real name.) The survey found that more than half of women thought men cleaned up better in the 1950s and more than two-thirds of these poor, beleaguered women said they preferred old-fashioned chivalry.  Four-fifths of the women surveyed said they wish their man had a better grooming routine … and half of the men admitted they didn’t groom at all.

So, to translate, a company that sells men’s grooming products wants men to know that women are more attracted to men who take more care with their grooming than the full Zach Galifianakis look. No big news there. Get rid of your nasty beards, hipsters!

However, I do think there is something to be said about our idealization of the 1950s era and what it means about jerks today. Keep reading »

Michelle Duggar’s Tips For A Happy Marriage Include Being “Financially Dependent” On A Man

Jessica WakemanFebruary 17, 2012 //
Michelle Duggar marriage tips

I won’t beat around the bush: “tips for a happy marriage” from Michelle Duggar are as bad as they sound.

In the season premiere of “19 Kids and Counting” this week, the reality TV mama (whose family is stumping for Rick Santorum) is filmed at a conference on how to have a happy, evangelical Christian marriage in which the man is the authority and head of the household.

Michelle passed out tips from her lecture to the audience and a viewer screengrabbed the advice, where it was posted on Television Without Pity. Not suprisingly, you might want to “keep a barf bag handy” as Faith Goes Pop blogger Lilit Marcus puts it, because Michelle Duggar’s happy marriage tips include become financially dependent on your husband, always keeping your hair did, watch your weight, and being more “loyal” to him than your family and friends.

You can read some of the more egregious tips from “7 Basic Needs Of A Husband” — the workbook off of which Duggar was reading — after the jump:    Keep reading »

The Soapbox: What It Means To Be A Gentleman

Jessica WakemanOctober 25, 2011 //
Chivalry In School
chivalry photo
An Arizona teacher makes chivalry a classroom rule. Read More »
Define: Gentleman
gentleman photo
What does "gentleman" mean these days, anyway? Read More »
Is Chivalry Sexist?
chivalry photo
Is being a gentleman actually really sexist? Read More »

I came late to appreciating chivalry, which I have written about on The Frisky before. For most of my life, chivalry made me uncomfortable. I’ve always identified as a feminist and Third Wave feminism generally is pretty frosty towards traditional gender roles. But moreso than being a feminist, I felt the same way a lot of modern women (who may or may not identify as feminists) do in that I felt pride of my ability to take care of myself better than my mother can take care of herself. I pay my own bills, I know how to change a tire on a car, I buy my own technology, etc. etc.

However, as I grew older and had more life experiences and more serious relationships, I realized that I liked being treated chivalrously. Some of it is that I like the outward displays of both respect and affection; as a person whose job entails the reading of many nasty Internet comments about my beliefs/life choices/appearance, those little loving moments are golden.

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m A Feminist, But I Think I Want To Date A More Traditional Dude

Jessica WakemanJanuary 28, 2011 //

One of the defining tensions in my life has always been reconciling my feminist political beliefs, my desire for a respectful and egalitarian relationship, and my attraction to more traditional alpha males. I passionately believe in women’s equality, in reproductive rights, and in equal pay for equal work. And I want to be in a loving, intimate, balanced relationship where everyone makes a contribution, whatever that might be. So why do those things seem so hard to reconcile with my desire to feel looked after and taken care of? Keep reading »