There’s this scene in “He’s Just Not That Into You”—the point to which most Tough Love posts will eventually return—when Justin Long tells Ginnifer Goodwin that she’s special, she’s an exception to the rule. It’s all very sweet and there’s crying and hugging and a bit of kissing and that all distracts you for a moment from the fact that it’s utter bulls**t.

You see, you are not special and rule-defying, unique in your ability to change someone chronically terrible into a nice, devoted guy. This is not to say that you aren’t special in other ways, merely that the expectation that you’d be able to subvert ages-old male behavioral patterns is quite a lot to ask of yourself. When you read it, this should seem fairly obvious. And yet I continue to field weepy calls and enraged emails from a whole slew of women absolutely shocked that their personal awesomeness wasn’t enough to change a guy completely.

Most mystifying of all are the girls who poach their boyfriends from other women and are then shocked when said guy goes on to cheat on them with someone else. Did you really not see this coming?

It’s a wonder the human race has survived this long. Why? Because women are single, crazy, and conniving. But if we all follow “Tough Love” matchmaker Steve Ward’s rules, we’ll end up living a life of bliss. And by bliss, I mean we’ll get hitched ... and then divorced. Watch this video of Sarah Haskins taking on “Tough Love.” Normally, Steve’s rules make sense to me, but seeing him and the single women and hearing his rules put together in this clip makes me rethink everything.