Today in extremely old video gems from the depths of YouTube, I bring you the sad story of Toby the Tortoise who spends a solid minute or so puttin’ in work with a discarded Croc on someone’s lawn. The tiny squeaks! His insistent, determined thrusts! The Croc’s complacency! This is what it’s like when you end up on the receiving end of some assbag you met on Tinder, and really, really just want to go to sleep, but might as well go with it, because hey, he’s cute, and it’s been a minute. I feel for that utility clog. Enjoy!
This just in: All animals need love, even the hard-shelled kind. On Friday, the Humane Society of the United States posted these amazing photos of a rescued tortoise who found a home in a litter of pups. Just look at those buddies! [Humane Society]
The end of a romance usually begins with the first sly traces of resentment, jealousy or rage. For tortoise couple Bibi and Poldi, the end of their 115-year relationship began with a bite. According to their keepers at Austria’s Klagenfurt Zoo, the pair can no longer stand to be around one another, and have taken to biting and snapping at one another. Male tortoise Bibi attacked female Poldi several times — biting off a piece of her shell — before he was eventually moved to a separate enclosure. Animal experts attempted to reunite the pair by feeding them animal aphrodisiacs, but it didn’t work. “We have staff talking to and trying to engage the two in interacting, and we hope that they might find their harmony again,” says Zoo Chief Helga Happ. No luck yet, so maybe we’ve discovered that love is not forever — it’s actually for around 115 years. [The FW]