While traditionally women have been prized for their virtue and morality, there’s a crop of bitches out there that are sketchier than their breath and we love them for it! Every day for your viewing pleasure, these ladies got drunk as skunks, popped a few pills, said what was on their mind, dress to the nines, and then do it all over again. Yeah, they’ll never win the Nobel Prize or even Mother of the Year, but we think they deserve their applause for simply being over-the-top entertainment. So for the ladies we’d love to tie one on with, here are our Favorite Female Lushes.

In high school, I begged my guidance counselor to switch my schedule just so I could get the hottest, most aptly named English teacher: Mr. Johnson.  He had curly ringlets, the cutest butt, a blue convertible, and liked to read poetry aloud to us.  Mr. Johnson was so irresistible, there was a rumor going around school that he had knocked up a former student, but really, it was because we all wanted to be his baby.  Sigh, although I never acted on my illegal impulse, now that it’s Back To School time, we here at The Frisky would like to pay homage to the teachers that taught us the book of love.  So, here are our Top 5 Songs About Sexy Teachers:

5. “I wanna learn all your lips can teach me/One kiss will do at the start/I’m sure with a little homework/I’ll graduate to your heart.” —“Teacher’s Pet”, Doris Day
In most classroom cases, “pet” is a noun and not a verb because that would be illegal, but luckily Doris Day and her co-star Clark Gable were both of age to misbehave.  The title track to their classic ‘50s rom-com of the same name, Ms. Day is actually singing this song about her own professor character. Although, we’d all be happy to let Mr. Gable teach us a lesson or two.

Some pop stars like to be seen and heard. They rock a mic and their look. So, in honor of the men who make “pretty boy” sound so good, here are The Frisky’s Top Five Metrosexual Musicians:

5. Andre 3000 What’s cooler then being cool?  Being Andre 3000, a gentleman so stylish he makes plaid golf gear look hip.
4. Marc Anthony The always dapper Anthony probably has a walk-in closet of clothing only rivaled by his wife’s. Even as a new dad, he’s constantly clad in a suit and you know J. Lo only lets him off his leash for spa days.
3. Mick Jagger More preened then even his supermodel arm candies, Mick Jagger is the grandfather of metrosexual.  The rock ‘n’ roller is still wearing skin-tight stuff with sequins well into his swinging 60’s.
2. Pharrell Williams From head to rims, Pharrell is covered in all the right trims.  He matches more than beats, Pharrell wears baggy hip-hop clothes with color-coded sophistication. He also knows how to rock a fur.
1. Justin Timberlake Started out in a coordinated boy band, but now he’s all that with his own clothing line.  In his signature skinny ties with vests, JT’s ensembles are as smooth as his moves.

Girls making out, faux lesbianism, Girls Gone Wild spectacles are kind of de rigeur it seems like, but it’s harder than you’d think to find actual songs about girls hooking up that aren’t written by lesbian musicians like The Indigo Girls. I delved deep into the interweb in search of the most salacious lyrics about ladies being hot for other ladies. The top five starts off with:

5. “I kissed a girl/Her lips were sweet/She was just like kissing me/Kissed a girl won’t change the world/But I’m so glad/I kissed a girl!”—Jill Sobule, “Kissed A Girl”
Was this pre-Girls Gone Wild? I’m not sure, but either way, the song is rather carefree and fun, though I swear I cannot tell Jill from her mid-90s counterparts Tracy Bonham and Joan Osbourne. Anyway, is kissing a girl really like making out with yourself? I don’t think so. My one experience kissing a girl was terrible though, so what do I know?

There’s a reason why it’s called “French” kissing. The following will have you speaking in tongues (literally) in no time.

5. Want to faire l’amour in style? The French Lesson Panty Set from Kiki de Montparnasse will teach your lover how to whisper sweet (naughty) nothings into your ear. Inscribed on the back of each pair of underwear, you’ll find French translations of sexy acts like “F**k me” (“Baise moi”). [Set of five, $295]

I am amazed by the rise of the slogan t-shirt. You know, “Everybody Loves An Italian Girl”, “Barack ‘N’ Roll”, “More Cowbell”, “What Would Jesus Do”...I blame Urban Outfitters. But anyway, the most annoying aspect of this clothing phenomenon is that it’s given people the false impression that it’s okay to wear their stupidity, sexist attitudes, and sexual habits on their chests. After the jump, five t-shirts that are total dealbreakers.

5. “My man gives real loving that’s why I call him Killer/He’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thriller/He takes his time and does everything right/Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night/He’s a real smooth brother, never in a rush/And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch”—Salt ‘N’ Pepa featuring En Vogue, “Whatta Man”, Very Necessary
This is, like, the ultimate man objectification song. Remember how awesome the video was, with Pepa in the bathtub? I wish Salt could get it together so there could be a real reunion.

First dates are awkward. You don’t know if the chemistry will be there or what to wear or even what to talk about. But there are a few things you definitely shouldn’t mention. Inspired by The Dating Lame and a bad date who described Iggy Pop’s sweat as “glistening rock nectar” (über icky) here’s The Frisky‘s Top 5 Words You Should Never Ever Say On A First Date:

5. Ex-boyfriend Been there, done that, now you’re trying to date someone else. Tell the sob story to someone who cares about you already and give this new guy the chance to earn the same status.