Ron-Ron Juice is the creation of “Jersey Shore” meatball Ronnie. Go-Go Juice is the invention of “Coupon Queen” June, mother of “Toddlers and Tiaras” breakout star “Honey Boo-Boo Child” Alana. Both get their users hyped up and ready for the club/pageant stage. Both cause uncontrollable freak outs and grabby hands. But while Go-Go juice relies solely on a heady combo of high fructose corn syrup and caffeine, Ron-Ron juice has an added advantage: maraschino cherries. What, you thought we were going to say vodka, didn’t you?
I’m sorry, I’m sorry for doing this to you. Because once you see something like this, you can’t unsee it. A grown ass woman wearing a child’s pageant costume is a terrible, terrible thing and I’m really, really sorry. But at the same time, I felt duty-bound to let you know that “Coupon Queen” June and daughter Alana will be appearing on “Anderson” in matching outfits. That is all. Click for one more pick after the jump. [Buzzfeed]
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“Toddlers & Tiaras” pageant mom Susanna Barrett is mad. She’s just sick and tired of the way the media sexualizes little girls, and she’s not going to take it anymore! In fact, she’s launched a $30 million lawsuit against the Huffington Post, TMZ, and The Daily Mail for “brazenly” trying to sexualize her daughter, Isabella Barrett.
Yeah, take that, wicked, over-sexed media people! This sexualizing of innocent 5-year-old girls has got to stop! Just because little Isabella was caught on video singing along to the song “I’m Sexy and I Know It,” with a microphone, with mommy sitting right next to her … wait, something is very wrong with this picture, and I don’t think it has anything to do with TMZ, HuffPo, or the Daily Mail. Read more…
I simply must commend the wise minds behind “Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers” for concluding that Alana, our latest muse from “Toddlers & Tiaras,” was worthy of appearing on a show with such a name. In the episode airing Feb. 2, Alana shares her love of pageants with Dr. Drew, who also gives her Go Go Juice a try. Honey boo-boo child, I cannot wait for this!
Shannon June, mother of our newest “Toddlers & Tiaras” muse Alana, is speaking out about feeding her daughter “go-go juice” in last week’s episode. Was I the only one who snickered at the term? Last I heard, “go-go juice” was slang for, well, female juices shall we say. We know that’s not what she was drinking. “The go-go juice is just Mountain Dew and just a hint of Red Bull,” Alana’s mother explained. Sounds healthy! All judgey-ness aside, there are lots of terms on “Toddlers & Tiaras” that mean very different things in the real world. Click through to find out what the hell those pageant folks are talking about. [Inside Edition]
“Toddlers & Tiaras” is the poster TV show for how not to parent. You know it’s true, honey boo boo child! So go figure that the little girl with the least insane pageant mom and the best head on her shoulders is the goddaughter of a drag queen. Meet Shangela, aka DJ Pierce, an actor, stand-up comedian and drag performer from L.A. who just so happens to be the godfather of a lucky 9-year-old girl named Hailey. I came into the office this morning blabbing about the fabulousness of Shangela and Ami goes, “Oh, Shangela? She was on RuPaul’s Drag Race!” WHAT. NO. Now I’m obsessed — and I’m sure if you can stomach last night’s episode of “Toddlers & Tiaras,” you will be, too.
After the jump, 10 essential things to know about our new reality TV BFF Shangela, drag queen-slash-pageant-coach: Keep reading »
Alana? Alana who? MaKenzie is coming back to “Toddlers & Tiaras,” Honey Boo Boo Child! Yay! Her Ni-Ni is gone, but she has a new flipper, a kitten named Prince and so many fans that her name is Tweeting on Twitter. Her ego must be the size of Alana’s mother’s double chin. I look forward to watching more of Mak being herself tonight, i.e. getting jacked on Pixie Sticks and dancing, throwing temper tantrums and verbally abusing her mother. What more could I dream of? Oh, Mack and Alana in one episode.
Miracles happen when you mate extreme couponing with children’s beauty pageants. From the inner sanctum of a paper towel hoard in McIntyre, Georgia, emerges our latest “Toddlers & Tiaras” muse, Alana. Part drag queen, part Southern diva, this child knows what the pageants are all about — the Benjamins, Honey Boo Boo Child! She’ll holler for a dollar or break out her tummy if need be — whatever it takes to win that crown. But really it’s her special drink — her Go-Go Juice — that that’s gonna help her win. God bless Red Bull. If only we could get Alana and Makenzie together in one episode. I’d die of spirit animal happiness.
For what it’s worth, the mothers depicted on “Toddlers & Tiaras” are not widely considered the bastions of good parenthood. I’ve never actually watched the show, but from what I’ve heard and the clips I’ve seen, the parents of the pageant girls make a damn good case for exactly how not to raise a child. In this sneak peek clip from this week’s new episode, which airs tonight, a mother who home-schools her children reveals just how “dedicated” she is to keeping them social. In fact, she tells the camera, “We have taken our children to several drag shows. I’ve had her performing ‘Poker Face’ on the bar at Applebee’s.” Funny, because that’s exactly how I would socialize my hypothetical home-schooled kids! But don’t worry: “It’s not like people threw dollars at her or anything.” Whew. [AOL TV]
“Toddlers & Tiaras” is one of our favorite trainwreck shows to watch and in the last year the TLC kiddle pageant reality show has become rather controversial. Tots dressed as movie hookers! Toddlers getting waxed! Wee ones high on Pixie Sticks! The parenting, it is questionable. The standout “T&T” regular, in our opinion, is little MaKenzie, a Southern firecracker who will not go anywhere without her beloved pacifier NiNi. As an adult, dressing up like a “T&T” superstar is basically the same as dressing like a slutty princess — seriously, the short, poofy dresses are nearly identical. Pop in a NiNi, don a crown, tan your skin, apply 17 pounds of brightly colored eyeshadow, and scream with authority at anyone in your vicinity, “Don’t you EVER do that again!” and you’re set. Find out how to get the costume, after the jump! Keep reading »